Bad Influence - popular girl x nerd boy

32- Rome

hi! I've been feeling major imposter syndrome and like my work isn't good enough for the amount of people reading it. i'd love to hear (respectful) critiques and feedback if you're willing. this chapter is slightly out of my comfort zone so im sorry if it feels off. thank you for reading.
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"I can't believe him!" Chloe gasps, leaning against the bathroom mirror while she watches me reapply my eyeliner.

Autumn bites her pen, sitting atop the school's bathroom counter and scribbling answers onto math homework she forgot to do the night prior. She's considering everything I have told the girls, my long rant about Lucas overdue, while she copies the answers that a love-sick boy from her class sent her. "He's treating you horribly, but I don't think it's intentional."

"It doesn't matter. A boy doesn't need to be told when he's being an asshole." Chloe argues, enraged by the way I have felt lately in my relationship with Lucas.

Biting my lip, I contemplate their opinions.

Nothing seems to have changed with Lucas or his inattention to how I feel. At least before I could accept that I wasn't his priority or that he simply didn't have enough time for me, but now all I feel is bitter at the idea of seeing him again.

While he was too busy to go on a date with me, he easily made time to spend with a large group of friends. Cuddling on top of a towel or ducking under the ocean's waves felt amazing with him while we were together on the beach, but as everyone slowly left and the bright sun turned to dusk, he left me as well.

The only moments we have together is when everyone can see us, and I'm starting to wonder if that's on purpose.

I can't stand feeling like a nuisance to my own boyfriend everytime I want to see him or feeling like a fraud the few times he shows me attention in public.

"It's his first relationship, he has no idea how he's supposed to be acting," Autumn holds my hand in hers to comfort me. "It shouldn't be your responsibility to remind him to care for you, but I'm certain he would never let it happen once he realizes how reckless he's being."

"You're giving him too much sympathy," Chloe wrinkles her nose, "you don't have to be a genius to see how much he's hurting her. He would only have to worry about her happiness enough to open his eyes."

"Chloe, you've seen who Lucas is and how much he cares about everyone, especially Rome. He's a dumb boy, not a heartless player. He's nothing like Jason, and I'm certain his soft nerd heart would shatter the second he realizes he's been making Rome feel this bad."

"So what should I do?" I ask helplessly.

Any previous relationship and I would never have needed to ask. I could always be confident and act on instinct because not only did I know the boy would always come back to me, I didn't care much if he did. Although I loved a lot of guys with little hesitation – despite my own detriment – I didn't realize until now how surface level that love really was. The way I felt for other boys was only adrenaline and lust, never the sincere bliss or confident strength that I feel when I am around Lucas. My fondness for them was real, and in the moment I thought it was better to have stayed with them rather than leave for something uncertain or new. But this only made them easy to risk because the love I felt was an imitation of something I hadn't experienced yet.

I'm still exploring this new feeling with Lucas, of passion and support and maybe even something as scary as the start of love. I can't lie and say I understand how it feels, or that I'm not terrified about what this means for our relationship, but I am fueled by how deep this emotion goes.