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XIV

Brett felt himself set back to the day when he was like five, stepping from one foot to the other outside his teacher's room for the first time and absolutely dying inside because he didn't know what the fuck he was supposed to do despite his mum standing next to him.
Knock? Or don't? Wait until they came outside or should he announce himself? He lifted his fist, knuckles turned towards the wooden, white painted door, and let it uselessly fall to his side again.
What if it wasn't Eddy? What if he was just about to jump into someone's precious practice time and annoy the hell out of them? Although, he was pretty sure it was him. He'd only heard him a couple of times till now, but the clean shifts, the crisp tone, the perfect intonation and the speed... Brett could practically see Eddy Chen in front of his inner eyes! Also, he or she was playing parts of Korngold's first movement, couldn't be a coincidence, right?
"This is stupid!", he hissed, shook his head and slapped both his cheeks to fucking get his grip together.
What if he annoyed the hell out of Eddy then? He was certainly someone who didn't appreciate being disturbed while playing, right? And why the hell did Brett want to go in anyway? Didn't he want to practice really badly himself only like thirty seconds ago?
"This is stupid", he mumbled again, lifting his head and hand simultaneously. Saying hello wasn't gonna kill anyone, right? It was only a friendly gesture and it didn't have to be long either. And for the off chance that it really wasn't Eddy, Brett was going to make a new friend.
"Alright! Just do it, dumbass!"

Just as he was about to knock, the person's voice floated through the door.
"Hello? Is someone outside?"
Fuck!
"Uhm... yeah", Brett stuttered stupidly, "Just wanted to say hello, am I interrupting?"
Muffled steps on carpeted floor, the door opened and then, Eddy's head stuck out, similar to yesterday when he peeked into Brett's practice room. It was so comical Brett would have to hold back a laugh if he wasn't so busy being frozen on the spot.
"Oh", Eddy made, eyes wide, "Hi!"
When Brett didn't arise from his stupor, he added, "You need anything from me?"
"Oh, uhm..." Yeah, what the hell did Brett want again? "Nah... just, I heard you practice."
"Okay..." Eddy glanced at his Mickey Mouse watch, "It's not close to ten yet, right?"
"Ah, no no. Don't worry!" Come on, Brett! Get your shit together! "Just wanted to say hi."
Silence.
"Okay... uhm... Hi, I guess?"
This was ridiculous! If poor Eddy hadn't been annoyed before, he was definitely going to be very soon if that was all Brett could deliver.
"Have you been practicing since rehearsals? Have you had dinner yet?"
A small frown appeared on Eddy's forehead. "Uh, yeah. Had a little something. You?"
"Had Korean barbecue with some folks. You should join next time", Brett blurted out and regretted it instantly. What if this was too blunt?
A small blush creeped up Eddy's cheeks. "Not sure if I have time, to be honest."
"Oh", Brett hurried to say, "Yeah, no, of course! Practice, right?", he winked super lamely. His social skills were yet again enjoying some surfs in Hawaii, it seemed.
But thankfully for whatever reason, Eddy didn't seem to mind.
"You wanna come in?", the taller asked, opening the door a bit more.
"Wha... oh, I don't want to disturb your practice time. I've got my own key", Brett said and waved the key in his hand left and right.
"Oh, I see", Eddy said. And something in his voice and the way he averted his eyes made Brett add in lightning speed, "But you know what? I'd actually like to come in, if that's fine with you."
The way Eddy's face lit up filled Brett with warmth and made him smile way too widely. Eddy stepped aside to let Brett in, into his realm. The music stand was propped up, sheet music carefully placed in the middle, violin and bow on the wobbly table by the window, which showed traces of a spectacular sunset.
"What were you working on?", Brett found himself asking despite knowing the answer.
"Korngold's first. What were you gonna do?"
"Some Korngold for sure. Have to ingrain those finger patterns into my brain!"
Eddy chuckled. Brett noticed how his own lips curved upwards again whenever he heard that sound. Weird.
"Yeah. How long did it take for you to memorize it?"
"Seriously? I'm not even sure if I've still got it down after my breakdown", Brett sighed, "But I reckon, like two months? I played it a lot though in this time! I mean, I didn't really think I would get chosen, so when I got the news... Well, there wasn't much time left."
"I see", Eddy said wistfully.
"What about you?" Yeah, how long did a pro like Eddy need?
"I knew early on there was this orchestra camp and I knew they needed a soloist, so I memorized it before I sent in the tape."
Brett pushed himself away from the chair he was leaning on. "What? Seriously?"
Eddy shrugged. "Yeah. Might as well, right? I used the time to refine it after I got the notice." Again, he was saying it like it was no big deal. Like it was the most normal thing in the world to do while Brett had only tried to get picked out of curiosity and fun almost, still spending way too much time NOT practicing back then.
"Better tactic for sure, man! I can't tell you how much I panicked when I knew I had to play solo!"
"Oh God", Eddy laughed, causing Brett to stare at him. It was the first time he saw Eddy laugh.
"Must have been stressful."
"You have no idea", Brett grinned.
"Why didn't you think they'd choose you?"
"I'm first year. I only sent in the tape for fun", Brett explained, arms crossed in front of him.
"For fun...", Eddy mumbled, more to himself than to Brett.
"Yeah. I thought, why not try? I like to perform, despite the nerves and everything. So if I could get it, it would be a real good opportunity. At least that's what I thought. When I realized what that really meant when I got it, I kinda panicked, to be honest. I think I stress practiced way too much and it ruined the Holidays, that's for sure."
"Oh my God, it sounds horrible", Eddy sympathized.
"It was. And I really didn't want to come here at first."
Eddy tilted his head. "And now? Do you regret it?"
Good question. Did he?
"I had moments", Brett admitted, "For example in the practice room when you heard me losing my shit." Or when he'd thought Eddy hated him, but he wasn't going to mention that. "Now... I'm glad I'm here, I think."
Eddy smiled softly. "Good."
"What about you? Why did you want to join orchestra camp as a soloist?"
"Does anything else make sense?", Eddy said blatantly, making Brett twitch.
"Why wouldn't it?", he asked back, "Orchestra experience is just as important and fun, don't you reckon?"
Eddy seemed to ponder over what Brett had just said, his gaze lost in the darkening sky outside the window, his brows creased minutely.
"I don't know if I do any of this out of 'fun'"
It was spoken heavily, almost inaudibly. But every word had just pierced itself through Brett's heart. What?
"Huh?"
"All this has to benefit my future career as a violinist, soloist preferably. How does having fun have anything to do with this?", Eddy meant and despite his set up neutral tone, Brett could tell that there was more behind this question. It wasn't something Eddy had thought of just now. This had been weighing on him.
"So you don't play the violin because you like it?", Brett put out there bluntly.
Eddy looked at him. "Of course I like it! I love classical music."
That Brett could tell. So why...
"But you don't have fun when you play it?"
"I don't know if that even matters!" Eddy's voice was raised now, any softness from before gone and he carried the same expression like when Brett had first talked to him. Cold, distant, unreachable.
Brett didn't dare to move from the spot where he was standing while his brain tried to compute what the hell was going on. One second, they had had a perfectly normal conversation about why they'd applied for the soloist spot and now, Brett had pushed Eddy into a semi-meltdown in which he started to defend the reasons behind his decisions! Great job, Brett! Really well done!
He should have known better, not press further and stay on that safe, small-talkish level.
However, one tiny part of him got attentive, like a deer when it sensed something approaching or smelled a new trace which would lead it to a bunch of fresh herbs. Was this something Eddy had been struggling with? How deep did it run?
Eddy had helped Brett before, so maybe this time, it was Brett's turn?