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LXI

Funny, how the sun kept setting, the earth kept rotating and the birds kept singing their arias when Brett’s world had just turned upside down.

Did minutes pass? Hours? He wouldn’t know. He was too busy letting tears he didn’t understand, didn’t know where they were coming from, water the tiny patch of grass between him and Cole, who was holding him, running a hand up and down in a soothing rhythm. 

“Mate? Hey… what’s going on? Wanna tell me why you’re this upset?”
Brett hiccupped and shook his head. And then suddenly, a chuckle escaped him. 
Cole stilled. “Brett?”, his surprised voice asked. 
“God! I’m so pathetic!”, Brett sniffed, took a deep breath and resurfaced out of Cole’s arms. “Because you’re bawling your eyes out in public?”, Cole suggested, visibly relieved that Brett seemed calmer. 
“Well”, Brett sniffled again and wiped a good portion of tears away, “Yeah, this. For starters. And for fucking falling in love with a guy who’s a better violinist than me.”
Cole laughed. “Did you really expect a different outcome?”
Brett blankly stared at him. “You… you always thought I was gay?”
“Not that! That you’d fall for a talented musician.”
“Ah, yeah…”, Brett shrugged helplessly and leaned back against the tree.

“You’re upset because you’re in love with a guy?”, Cole asked after a short while, hands busy plucking out unfortunate blades of grass.
Brett’s eyes wandered up, observing the leaves above them gently swing to the rhythm of the wind. 
“I don’t know”, he answered , “I don’t know what I am, to be honest. I just never expected that to happen.”
Cole nodded. “Figures. You’re overwhelmed?”
“A little”, Brett sighed, “It has been the longest week…”
“And it’s not even over yet.”
“U-huh.”

“I never thought I’d fall in love with a guy”, Brett whispered eventually, more to himself than to Cole, “I always thought I was straight. There were no signs… but Eddy…”
“Maybe you’re bi?”, his friend suggested with a small shrug.
“And maybe it doesn’t even matter. Well, my family’s gonna kill me if they’d ever find out.”
Cole flinched. “You think?”
“Traditional Asians, remember? Even if they don’t want to, they basically have to throw me out just to keep their faces in front of all our relatives.”
“You don’t plan on telling them.” Cole knew Brett well enough to place this as a statement without having to ask. 
“Nothing’s gonna change for them anyways. This thing with Eddy… ” Brett felt the same sadness from before rising in him. 
Oh… 
“That’s not gonna happen.”
Cole frowned. “What? You think it’s hopeless?”
Brett raised an eyebrow at him and successfully deadpanned over the pain the mere thought of giving up on Eddy inflicted on him. “Have you seen him? I’d bet my violin he’s not interested in men in any way. He’s a perfectionist. He’d never let that happen.”

Yeah, better extinguish every little glint of hope before it could turn into raging flames, threatening to consume Brett whole. It was impossible that Eddy Chen would reciprocate even the tiniest fraction of what Brett felt for him and in the off chance he would, there were too many risks Brett was convinced Eddy wouldn’t take. What would his family think? The con? The classical music world? It could hinder his career, make people cancel his concerts just because he wasn’t fitting the norm and in no universe did Brett want to be part of a potential roadblock. They were living in the 21st century, thank god they were, but there were narrow minded people everywhere, especially in the classical music sphere. Eddy belonged on every stage of every concert hall in the world and Brett wanted to do everything he could so Eddy could become the soloist he was dreaming of. 

“Why not?”, Cole creased his brows, pulling Brett out of his gloomy thoughts, “Dude, I mean… have you seen him looking at you?”
No, no Cole! Don’t do that. Don’t give me hope where there’s none!
“I don’t know him very well, but I doubt this gaze is a default one he gives every random person. He certainly doesn’t look at me this way.”
Brett turned his head left and right. “Nah! I’m his new friend. Like, a best friend kind of thing and he never had that. He told me. It’s nothing more than that.”
“Are you sure? Like, you just said he’s okay with you touching him. If that’s not involving any feels, I don’t know what is.”
“Nah!”, Brett’s mouth went while his mind started to reel. 

If he was being as objective as possible (which was a joke considering this was about the guy he was in love with), there had been moments. Sus moments. Like when Eddy had made a remark about the way Brett got girls with that weird expression. Or how he’d cared for Brett when he’d been sick (that could also just be basic human decency though). Of course, there was also everything that had happened last night and the fact that Brett’s presence improved Eddy’s sleep. And whatever had been going on in the cafeteria this morning when Eddy had quietly stated he’d like to know Brett better, and when they had lunch today with Eddy being happy after Brett had blurted out he was beautiful… 
But then again, Eddy had also been quite amused and sort of supportive of the idea of Brett and Katie starting something.

“Mate, you still with me?”
“Mhm”, Brett made, thoughts still in the stratosphere, inspecting every moment he’d spent with Eddy the past six days from a bird's eye view. 
“Judging by your face you’re thinking about a certain someone, aren’t you?”, Cole grinned and waggled his eyebrows.
“Hm…”

The phone in Brett’s pockets vibrated. Absent-minded, Brett took it out and threw a glance at it, his face immediately lighting up like a Christmas tree in one of those giant shopping malls all over the country. 
“Talk about the devil”, Cole mumbled, his grin widening, “He texted you?”
Brett nodded, unable to hide his own smile. 
“Look! You have that competition coming up very, very soon. Regardless of what Eddy might or might not feel, I feel obligated to tell you to please not fucking avoid him like you avoid Katie, will you?”
Brett’s head shot up with a shock. “What? Why would I?”
“I mean, you’re a wuss, that’s why”, Cole meant and got a good slap on his upper leg for that.
“Ouch! And I already said it this morning. Be careful so no one gets hurt. Including you. It would mess you and Eddy up too much and you both wouldn’t be able to play tomorrow. Imagine you being cold to Eddy out of the blue and he has no idea why.”
“I’m not gonna do that!”, Brett exclaimed, “Haven’t we established that, contrary to Katie, I actually do have feelings for him? And anyways…” His gaze softened as he read the letters Eddy’d texted him again, and again. “This is different…”

So, so different from anything Brett had ever experienced. So profoundly different it scared him. 

“There is a chance, you know”, Cole said, as if he could read Brett’s mind, “Just see what happens, and try not to stress too much about it.”
“Yeah”, Brett nodded, eyes still on his phone, “I’ll try.”
“Then”, Cole winked, rising to his feet and swinging the violin case on his back, hand stretched towards Brett, “I guess you gotta be somewhere?”
Brett looked up to his great friend and took his hand. “Maybe…”