No More Tomorrows

Chapter 14: Waiting and letting go

"You've got this. Remember to just focus on me. I won't take my eyes off you for a second and as soon as the lights drop I'll have you out of here."

I knew Aidan was trying to reassure me but my nerves were getting the better of me. It was one thing to talk about stripping while in the office with Bess but another altogether to be at the side of the stage and about to perform. Why was Bess taking so long to announce me. I just wanted to get this over with so I could get my cash and leave. I felt a small smile form at the memory of Aidan's reaction to this ridiculous outfit when I returned to the office after getting changed. 

Looking at myself in the mirror before I left the dressing room I could see that this bralette barely covered my nipples and these ridiculous ruffle butt panties showed a decent amount of my butt cheek and were itchy as hell. They did not feel sexy to me but I'd never been one to afford lingerie so what did I know. I did like the stocking and garter set though, they made me feel sophisticated and I decided I might have to treat myself to some more when this was over. 

Knocking on the door frame I asked "How do I look?" 

Bess had a huge smile on her face and Aidan's mouth was hanging open. I stood in front of them with my hair in large brushed out curls, fake lashes making my eyes look huge and red lipstick - the perfect colour to match the head band Bess had miraculously pulled out of thin air. I also held the shiniest red apple I'd ever seen in my right hand. His eyes ran over me at such a slow pace I felt myself start to squirm. 

"Holy fuck Em. I'm going to need all the guys on duty to be stationed near the stage. Those men are going to lose their fucking minds!" After that statement I had to think the outfit worked. 

So standing here at the side of the stage I might feel ridiculous but at least I knew one man found me attractive. Bess assured me the audience would love this outfit and that my song choice was perfect for the type of tease dance I had. I wouldn't be removing any of my clothes and we'd narrowed it down to just under two minutes of stage time. 

Most people would question how me stripping made any sense. It didn't really. But it was my decision to do it. Something I controlled and if me being on stage hurt Grant half the amount he'd hurt and embarrassed me tonight that was a bonus. Let him watch hundreds of men watch had once been only his. 

Add to that the very real fact I needed to make as much money as I could in one night so I could physically move on. For me it made sense. Nobody else had to understand or approve but me. We'd been putting Grant's whole wage towards our student debts for months now, wanting to pay them off as soon as possible. Living off my single wage had been tough but the sacrifice had seemed worth it to achieve our plans. 

I knew I'd need to talk with Grant at some point. My brain wouldn't let me walk away without answers to all my questions. I needed the truth so I could understand how we'd reached this point. I'd always been an overthinker and if I didn't get those answers I knew I'd never be able to properly move on. I wasn't the type of girl to ghost someone. I couldn't end the only relationship I'd ever had without a conversation, because despite everything I'd discovered I loved him. I didn't remember who I was without loving him.

The wind of the fans in the hall brushed my skin and I felt goose bumps on my back and thighs. I started to worry I'd forget the routine. What if I got out there and froze? Then not only would Grant have made a fool of me but I'd be making a fool of myself. 

"Listen to me Emily. You're going to be fine. I have faith in you."

I stared into Aidan's eyes. How did he always know when I needed reassurance? Why was this man, this perfect stranger, being so kind to me? Why was he able to treat me better than my own boyfriend? He was gorgeous and from what I'd experienced tonight he was husband material and yet he was single. Why? 

"Why don't you have a girlfriend?"

He gave me a half smile and looked away. When he turned to me again his face was different, a little sad, a little closed off. 

"I had a fiance. Her name was Denise. We'd been together three years and I thought we'd be together forever. She was everything to me. I left work early one Thursday afternoon because I'd caught the flu going around the office, and when I got home, found her in bed with my cousin. A man I'd considered my best friend."  

I gasped and couldn't help but grab his hand. That was devastating. I didn't know what I'd do if I'd actually walked in on Grant having sex with someone else.

"It was ugly. I beat him bloody. He didn't fight back, just kept saying sorry man I love her. She was screaming at me to stop. Neighbours called the cops and and I got arrested. She lied about what happened and said I also hit her. Which I did not. I ended up losing my job and my fucked up family sided with them. Said they couldn't help who they loved and were disappointed in me for laying my hands on a woman. I don't really have anything to do with any of them any more. From what I hear they're married now." 

"I'm so sorry Aidan. That's terrible. I'd like to give her a slap for lying to the police. What kind of woman cheats with a family member!" 

I could feel myself getting angry on Aidan's behalf. 

"The type of girl you don't wanna marry. After that I went off the rails for a while. Got myself into some trouble and slept with way too many women. I think I was trying to prove somebody would want me. I swore off relationships and kept everything purely physical. I ended up here one night. Dragged along on a bachelor weekend with some friends from college, and a huge fight broke out. The bouncers were outnumbered and untrained so I stepped in to help. I came to see the strippers and ended up with a job."

He was chuckling and the sad look had gone from his face.

"Wow! I can see that. You've definitely got that bad ass vibe. That don't mess with me look about you. Frighten them off with just a look. I can see why Bess hired you." I flexed my biceps like a body builder and gave him what I hoped was a mean look.

"Do I scare you Em?" He was back to smirking and his eyes looked happy so I was glad I'd hammed it up a little for him.

"No you don't scare me Aidan. You actually make me feel incredibly safe. This whole night has been awful and weird but for some reason you've felt like my safe harbour. So thank you."

The hallway suddenly felt like there was no oxygen. The way this man looked at me was something I'd never experienced before. I felt myself blush and blurted out all the thoughts in my head.

"I think you're going to make some woman very happy one day Aidan. When your heart lets go of the hurt from your ex you're going to meet a girl who'll show you it's all worth it. She'll show you not all women are like her and some of us just want to be loved and give love in return. I see you very happy growing old with someone, surrounded by a gaggle of grandkids and still making her feel beautiful even when she's eighty." I felt myself blush at my childish statement but he stopped me with what he said next.

"I think you're right Emily. I think the right girl will make me want more. Make me remember all the sweet that goes with a relationship. Make me forget the past. Make me crave that feeling of love and affection I'd given up on. And let me tell you, when that girl is mine I will treat her so well she'll forget any man who's come before me and know that there'll be no man after me." 

With my heart pounding from Aidan's words the lights went up and I finally heard Bess start her announcements. 

It was show time.