Lavender & Fire

23. Truly Pathetic

"Greetings, Lord Othen." Biechta said as she stood on the open doorway between Othen's music room and his office.

"Greetings, Biechta. I'll be finished in just a few moments, go ahead and get settled and let me listen to you run through your practice Melody's while I finish up here." he said from behind his desk.

"OK." She nodded and then walked to the piano, pulling out the bench and placing her music copies on the built-in stand above the piano keys. With a deep breath and a glance across the room at the open door, she placed her fingers above the keys and exhaled as she pressed her fingers down and began the first notes.

She only made it a short way in before she pressed the wrong key. She paused for a moment and began again, but again messed up quickly. She grunted in frustration and started over from the beginning. Going more slowly, she made it a little further in but still, her fingers pressed the wrong keys as she fumbled through the first tune.

She stopped and let out a long sigh as she closed her eyes and then drew in a deep breath.

"Is everything alright?"

She opened her eyes to see Othen entering the room walking toward her. "I promise I've been practicing, just as you instructed." She looked down at her hands that were now down in her lap.

"And how has that been going?" He said as he crossed his arms over the top of the piano, leaning lazily against it.

"I actually thought I was doing well. But now I can't seem to do anything right."

"Why do you think that is?"

"I don't know." She huffed.

"Here. Try one of the other runs." He said as he rearranged the papers to show one of the other three tunes he'd shown her. "Just take your time and don't forget to breathe."

"Okay." She drew in a deep breath through her nose and then exhaled slowly. She began the tune but felt her fingers slightly tremble. She hit three wrong notes back to back and stopped to draw in a breath, trying to calm her frustration.

"Are you nervous?" He asked, moving to sit on the bench beside her.

"Oh." She thought for a moment and realized that is exactly how she felt. "Yes." She replied quietly. For some reason, the realization that she was nervous made her feel even more anxious.

"But you weren't nervous before? Is it because I am here?" He turned to face her more fully. "There's no need to be nervous playing in front of me. I've been with you since the beginning, right?"

She simply nodded.

"No need to be nervous. And even when you do make mistakes, no need to feel embarrassed. Do you Remember what I said last time?"

She nodded again. "Everyone makes mistakes in the beginning, so I must be patient and not give up."

"Exactly. Now, try again."

She flexed her fingers as she raised them above the keys before setting them down and starting the run of notes again.

"Better. Good."

"I still messed it up. When I was practicing by myself I could get through all of these with no mistakes."

"How often were you practicing?"

"I came several times both days."

"You're pretty dedicated to this."

"Yes, I really wish to be able to play."

"Have you done anything else over the last couple days?"

She thought for a moment as she continued pressing the keys. "I had afternoon tea with Ashima the day before yesterday."