eilish tales - imagines!!

panic

y/ns pov 

finneas keeps looking at me weirdly from where he stands behind the keyboard on stage. my heart by now is racing. 

billie is not doing well on stage. she seems to be in such a weird mood, even before the show started. she was freaked out, and bickered with me constantly in the greenroom. i hoped she was okay but i had no idea what was going on. 

we were up to the part of the show where she played 'everything i wanted', and i could see by now that something was very very wrong. a realisation hit me, that finneas was trying to tell me something was up each time he looked across. 

"maggie somethings wrong", i whisper in her ear, keeping my eyes laser focused on billies every move. 

her voice is choked up, and her movements are stiff and panicky. she starts to take glances at finneas, and i notice her eyes filled with tears. finneas mouths words to her. 

'are you good'? she shakes her head no, ever so slightly, as she starts moving up the stage to finneas. the song finally ends, and she cant even sing the last line because her voice is so choked up. 

the crowd is filled with confusion as finneas pulls billie into a big hug, and she buries her face in his chest. from where im standing next to the stage i can see her shoulders shaking, and my heart aches. 

were just close enough that we can slightly make out what finneas is saying, even with the volume of the crowd showing support for billie. 

"if you need to stop for 5 you can, i promise nothing bad is gonna happen". he says, still holding her. she nods her head, and runs quietly off stage. 

the venue lights turn on as she sprints past me. i follow her as she runs to her greenroom. my first guess is that she'll want me to be there. she usually does. but her whole vibe is different today. 

the greenroom door slams shut just as i make it, and i try to push it open, but its already locked. "my love can you let me in, its just me?", i yell through the door. 

"no not right now", she yells back, and i pause. did she just say no? what the fuck am i supposed to do..

maggie runs up to me, holding my shoulders from behind. 

"is she okay what happened?", she says. 

"i have no clue she wont let me in", i say quietly, hoping billie wont hear. i dont want to intrude her privacy but i also dont want her to do anything bad. 

"do you think you could grab the keys for the door?", i say to maggie, and she nods enthusiastically, leaving me to go get them. 

i hear a bang from inside the greenroom, and then a moment of silence. then all i can hear is heavy breathing and sobs that sound so hurt i could cry myself. 

"billie please let me help you my love, its just me", i say, sliding my body down against the floor to sit against the door. 

i hear a small click of the door from the inside, just as maggie returns with the keys. i look at her as i start to open the door. 

"ill wait out here, but if you need help just yell out okay?", she says as she sits down on the couch outside the greenroom, with a worried look on her face. i nod in response and then enter into the greenroom closing the door behind me. 

billie is sitting on the floor in the corner, fighting to breathe, with tears running down her face. she looks panicked, and sad, and anxious, and in a state ive never really seen before. immediately i run over to her, and pull her into my embrace. 
"its okay love just breathe. try to match my breathing okay? its alright im right here, your gonna be okay", i say, stroking her head, and trying my best to breathe slowly so that she'll match me. i never knew she had panic attacks before. 

"baby- i-i-...cant-breathe", she says as she gasps for air in between sobs. her eyeliner is now completely smudged, and her makeup is destroyed but i dont care. i just want her to feel better again. 

"breathe with me baby, in and out. in and out", i say calmly, staring her in the eyes, forcing her to keep her focus on me. 

finally she starts to calm down ever so slightly, but shes still sobbing, and wheezing sounds come from her chest. somehow shes managed to make herself so small, that i feel like i could just wrap her up and carry her home. 

"can you try and tell me whats going on baby? no distractions. dont think about anything else right now, just whats making you panic", i say, trying my best to stay calm for her. 

"i-i was already overwhelmed about just everything. and i was- well i guess ive been really fucking missing pepper. and i-i, couldnt fucking breathe, be-because my asthma was playing up. and they want me to have the barbie so-song finished th-this week. and everythings just coming all at once", she says, trying her hardest to stay calm. i stroke her forehead, and press her head against my shoulder. 

finneas rushes into the room, closing the door behind him, and sitting down on the couch calmly. im assuming billies told him how shes feeling, because theyre literally soulmates and tell eachother everything. 

"your not going back out billie", he says, and she sobs again into my shoulder. i frown to him and he looks regretful. 

"im sorry but you could barely breathe up and there, and i know you'll be disappointed with yourself if you finish the show and your not happy with it, and your already overwhelmed so im not letting you finish it. i already told them", he says matter of factly. i give him a small smile as i hold billie in my arms tighter. 

"thank you. i dont know whats going on. actually can i have my inhaler?", she says, still wheezing slightly as she struggles to breathe. finneas goes over to her bag and grabs out her inhaler. he passes it to her and sits on the floor in front of us. 

she uses it, and then hands it back to him, snuggling her head back into my shoulder. 

"i had like an asthma attack and a panic attack at the same time", she laughs, shaking her head. 

"im sorry i didnt let you in at first y/n, i was just so overwhelmed i couldn't deal with anything, AND i could not breathe", she says. 

"baby dont apologise i totally understand", i say. 

patrick, maggie and some of billies team walk in and see us sitting still in the corner of the greenroom on the floor, and they all have worried faces. she squeezes my hand, in fear that theyll be mad and my heart sinks once again. 

"you okay billie?", someone asks empathetically, and her grip releases slightly. 

"i think so. im sorry that was fucked up but i like-i dont even know. i had like a panic attack-", she gets choked up in the middle of her sentence and pauses. "i had like a panic attack and an asthma attack at the same time, i thought that shit was taking me out bro", she says, laughing. her tear stained face, and now ruined makeup dont take away from her natural beauty and i stare down at her in awe. 

the team helps her to feel better and the crowd is told about how they can get refunds or money back for the show, and we spend the rest of the night talking and playing games. 

anxiety can honestly suck a fat one because why does it ruin everything. 

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no like i actually hate this so much but whatever. i hope someone liked it hehe. anyway vote, comment stay healthy and safe, and pleasseeeeee read my new book i promise its better than this one 😁