We Are A Secret (Camren) [Editing]

26. Analyzing

Camila's Pov

It was Wednesday after school, I was getting on the bus to go home. Clearly I didn't ride with Lauren ever since she said she needed a break. I had gotten stuck sitting next to a guy who was sweaty and that stunk. What made it worse was the cologne over it, I hated when guys thought you could just put cologne on and suddenly you wouldn't smell like sweat. In reality it just made it ten times worse.

But it was only for about ten minutes or less and I'd be able to support it, but anyway, I unlocked my phone which had a picture of Sofi and I as my lockscreen and opened up my text messages. I went to Austin's contact and texted him the details for today.

Mila😚:pick me up at 6?

Austin😏: sure thing, see you later cutie😘

His reply instantly made my cheeks warm up with no hesitation. I had to bite my lip to prevent from smiling. He shouldn't have this big effect on me already, or was his game too strong?

I was about to exit out and lock my phone once again, but one thing stopped me. My eyes caught the last conversation Lauren and I had and I opened the thread. Something in my mind just told me to scroll all the way up to when we first started texting and boy was that a mistake.

The more I read, the more my heart crumbled and in came the pain of the memories. The way we shamelessly flirted with one another and we still didn't confess to each other. I continued to read deeper and deeper to the point I didn't know what was happening in my surroundings since the only thing I was focused on were the texts in front of me.

I scrolled down some to where we were dating already and what I read there made my heart crumble ever more and I think my eyes started to water. The "fights" we had over who loved each other more or who was the luckiest to have the other were fresh on my mind. The days and hours or minutes were also fresh.

Then I scrolled down some more to more recent conversations where I seemed to be bipolar with her. One minute I'd be a lovey dovey with her then my mood would suddenly change. I looked at the date and those were the days where she was jealous of Austin. I read on and on and I don't know in what moment it was, but I felt that memory run down my cheek. I didn't bother wiping it off, knowing that crying over Lauren was worth it because she was and still is so worth it.

She was there whenever I needed her, even if I treated her poorly on my bad days, she was still there, by my side like if it were my best days. I pushed her away, but she wouldn't leave. She was like any gay girl's ideal girlfriend, she had the looks and the great heart/personality. She was both beautiful on the outside and the inside. She happened to end up with me, but I blew it. Now I realize that, but I think I'm too late, I couldn't take the risk. That Andrea girl was into her and I knew it.

Others say she was just 'a friend', but I wasn't stupid, I was once just 'a friend' with Lauren and I used to look at her the exact same way she does right now. Let's face it, she was twenty times more beautiful than I was, I'm like a potato next to her, of course Lauren is going to choose her over me. Then again, I was going on I guess a "friendly" date with Austin for now. I couldn't change my mind, I couldn't blow him off like that. I wasn't that type of girl.

I know, I limit myself a lot with these "I can'ts", but I didn't like getting my hopes up. I've been let down by so many people in my life that I stayed away from getting high standards. By now the tears that escaped were dry on my cheek now and I'm pretty sure my eyes were red. I snapped back to reality and looked out the window. My eyes grew wide knowing I missed my stop by four blocks.