Unexpected lovers [Lauren/You]

Chapter 51

I lay down on the grass slowly. My back pressed on it gently, I lift my hands up to move them under my head as I am facing the perfect blue sky. I can see a tiny cloud up there, thinking if that little guy can actually provide any tears and hoping that if it can, the rain will fall on top of an almost death flower and brought her back to life. The cloud fascinates me so deeply that I look at it from another perspective, what if Lauren is that for me, a little cloud that's trying her hardest to bring some rain on top of the dying flower which seems to be me.

The thing is, since Lauren came back into my life it seems to be raining everyday, because every second of every minute and every minute of every hour I get better, I live for moments like this. I am no longer focused on regrets, fears, nothing is stopping me from my recovery anymore, as long as Lauren is there to hold my hand I'll let the cloud linger above me, giving him the permission to rain down on me.

In my darkest moments she gives me hope, when I lose my way she leads me back towards the road, when I close the window she opens the door, she always seems to know how to fix my soul. When I cry she doesn't ask why, she just sits down inside my lap and cries with me for a while. When I stop crying and she doesn't find the power inside her to do the same I hold her close and let her be. She is my pillar always holding me up, supporting my weight, lifting me up as I am falling down.

A few months ago I had my operation, she was there to help me get through it all, she didn't give up when I had to learn again how to walk or talk. My legs were weak my faith was crumbling down, I had no hope inside me for the longest time. But she stood her ground she never ran, she had my back through it all. You're getting better, I hear them say, even strangers that cross my way, but they don't really understand that love is the only reason I am still here.

Death was not even an option for me a few months ago, death was certain, I am still afraid that one day I'll lay down beside her and somewhere in the middle of the night my body will let go. I am still afraid that my soul is still searching for that new home. But even if I die as I lay down next to her, I'll die a happy woman that's for sure, because dying beside an angel is all I can dream for. The thought of that scares me too, because what will she do if I really end up dying in our room, in our bed, where we shared all of the love we carry inside, all of the secret all of those white lies, I hope it doesn't break her.

Seeing her hurt because I left her in my sleep without a goodbye and the thought of her shaking my cold body in the morning almost makes me cry. So if I do have to die in one of this days, I want her to be near me holding my hand, I want to see her and all familiar faces before I leave to find myself in some better places.

I take a deep breath closing my eyes in the process and enjoying the warm feeling inside my stomach. My friends and family are chatting around me, playing poker, football, this beautiful park in New York city is full of people today. Winter is finally over and the cold breeze is long forgotten, I laugh at the memory of my friends getting excited for this day to come around.

The day when we can all just relax and lay down for a little while, I am lost in a moment, the sleep almost taking over me when someone rolls towards me and puts their head on my chest, my face is suddenly full of long black hair that smell divine today, just like everyday since I've met the girl. She giggles with that little sound that makes my heart skip a beat as her fingers start to push her hair out of my face, "you know, some might think you enjoy this. My hair all over your face." I shrug in response, smiling at the sun above us as the girl leaves a little hair on my face, she leans even harder into me, almost covering my whole left side, only then I notice it. She is not wearing anything, well except for her bikini, I smile at the thought as my fingers run towards her back, slowly making their way up and down the girls body, caressing it gently, I can almost hear her sigh happily as I start drawing patterns on her back.