the living are hungry hodnes [ lexark ]

19] don't shoot mom!

"I'm sorry, Elyza." I whisper, tracing my finger lightly over one of her eyebrows, then down her temple to her jaw.

We are lying in the the back of the van. A tangled mess of our naked, tired and bloody bodies. My head is on her shoulder, her arms wrapped tightly around me. The jacket she gave me draped over us, covering us slightly.

She looks at me, questioning my comment.

I close my eyes, holding back tears. "I killed your sister. I'm so sorry."

"Shhh, Hodnes." She says, holding me tighter. Then she starts tracing her fingers slowly up and down my back attempting to sooth me.

I hate to ruin the moment. It's just now that the adrenaline, fear, then ecstasy from the recent events has passed, my mind wont stop. I've killed two people in the last 24 hours, one being the sister of my lover.

I know I have had to go through a lot since the world ended, but I never had to kill anyone before. What really gets me in that moment is I know, for a fact, this is just the beginning. The first notches of many on my kill belt.

I also don't think I regret either of them. The soldier I kicked was an accident, but Elyza has told me not to show mercy. That they were horrible men. Hungry men. And I already have enough snapping teeth to look out for on the daily.

And then Skai. I mean, I wish Skai wasn't Elyza's family, but if I had the choice to do it again, I would. Their fight was too close to judge, and I had just lost Elyza, then got her back. I couldn't take the risk of losing her again, so when I saw my chance I had to take it.

And even though I have forgiven myself for what I had to do..well pretty sure I have forgiven myself, I just don't want Elyza to resent me or be angry. She told me Skai made her choice and had to die for it, but words and actions are two entirely different things. I'm almost 100 percent positive Elyza Lex is a woman of her word, but my stupid brain and heart are worried.

As if on cue.

"I would have done it, if you hadn't. If I was able. She was a lot stronger than she used to be, she might have bested me. If you tell anyone I said that though, I'll deny it." She gives me a slightly less arrogant grin than normal. Slightly. "So you saved me, Hodnes. You did it for me." She leans up, pulls my chin and kisses me softly. "I am sorry that you had to do it." She sighs a soft sigh before putting her head back down. She looks out the window and looks at the few infected still banging to get in. She puts her hand against the window, mirroring one of the infecteds. It brings back the memory of thinking she we be one of them. A violent shudder rips through my body. She holds me closer.

"I'm not leaving you." She says it so softly I thought I imagined it, before she continues. "I won't leave you. If we run, its together. If we fight, you're coming with me."

I sit up quickly taking our little covering with me. I get momentarily distracted by her divine naked form, before I snap myself out if it, catching sight of all her now healing wounds.

I reach out and lightly touch first the bites, then the bullet wound. The bullet is still in her. She doesn't wince or pull away, just watches me.

"If we run, it will never be over." I tell her like she didn't already know. She shakes her head. Seeing all her wounds she's obtained over the last week, knowing if we run she will get many, many more, I make up my mind. "I want to fight."

She closes her eyes. I can see the wheels turning in her head, not liking my choice. My safety and wellbeing has been her number one priority since the moment we met.