but you promised - stony

chapter twelve

I couldn't believe he was gone. I didn't know what to do with myself. I ran home and screamed into my pillow, wishing it was all just a bad dream.

But when I woke up, he was still gone.

School was the most painful. I didn't have any friends, and I had forgotten how lonely I was before Steve came along. Looking at his empty seat brought me to tears.

I could already feel my anxiety and depression seeping back out. I began taking my pills again, but didn't really see the point.

If there's no one here that loves me, than why am I trying to live?

I tried to avoid these thoughts by thinking about me and Steve and the future we were going to have together.

I imagined a big house with lots of land, where Steve would run around with our daughter or son. I imagined late nights talking in our bed together. I imagined finally being happy.

Suddenly, I began to cry. And that cry turned into a sob. And that sob turned into a scream.

My mom came running into the room, thinking something was wrong. "Tony! Tony what is it? Honey, talk to me!" I continued to roll around on the floor, completely ignoring her.

"TONY!"

"I-it h-hurts," is all I could manage to say.

"What hurts?"

"M-my h-heart."

"Why does your heart hurt?"

I didn't answer. I couldn't answer. She kept shaking me, trying to get out a response, but I wouldn't break. "J-just l-leave."