thirty-four.

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JUNE, 1989, SEATTLE, WA

                LINDY WAS SITTING on the curb outside of Krist and Shelli's house, her legs pulled up to her chin as she watched Kurt, Krist and Chad load up Krist's van with musical equipment and luggage. It was hot and the sun was in her eyes, making it hard to look up for more than a few seconds without being blinded the glare. 

The day that she'd been dreading since she'd grasped the magnitude of Kurt's genius had finally arrived. He was embarking on a two month tour across the states with Nirvana, meaning she would be alone in their apartment with only Freddie to keep her company.

The release of Bleach had been monumental. Maybe in the world of bestselling albums it could not be classified as a winner, but for Nirvana, it was huge. Lines of fans had come out to purchase Bleach, goggling at Kurt, Krist, and Chad with the sort of respect usually reserved for the famous musicians that had come before them. No longer did Kurt have to hide in the role of his alter ego 'Kurdt.' He was a budding figure in the punk scene, his voice one of credibility amongst his small but blossoming fanbase.

Lindy knew the tour was coming. She knew it had to happen and she was of course happy for them all, but her heart was breaking as she imagined coming home to an empty apartment every day. There would be no Kurt sitting there in his funny white socks hitched past his ankles, staring determinedly at a baby doll as he rearranged its body parts.

Krist slammed shut the trunk of the van, walking towards a softly crying Shelli. He took her in his arms and kissed her head, murmuring into her ear. No doubt was he whispering how much he loved her along with promises of a speedy return. Watching them both wrenched Lindy's gut and she forced herself to look away. 

Kurt joined her in sitting on the curb. He grabbed her hand, holding it in the shy but loving way that was very much like him. He was quiet, looking out in the distance and contemplating what he could possibly say to make his departure easier on them both.

"So what'll it be?" he finally said. "Postcards or t-shirts from every city I visit?"

Lindy smiled tearfully. "Can't you just worry about getting back to me safe and sound?"

Kurt's nose twitched and his lips quivered. Lindy could see that he was holding back his own tears over the thought of leaving her. In over two years of being together, they had never been apart for so long. Lindy felt herself thinking back to when Lee had grounded her for a whole month -- that had been agony but even then, Kurt hadn't been in a different town than she was in. She couldn't fathom him being hundreds of miles away from her. It was hard to picture them not even occupying the same state. 

"I'm gonna' miss you like hell, Lindy," Kurt said in a low voice. Lindy pressed her forehead to his, keeping her hands entangled with his in her lap, twisting them together.

"Go have fun being a rockstar, okay?" she whispered, her tears slipping out one by one down her face. Kurt laughed once at her choice of words. 

"I would give it all up if it meant never having to leave you," he said. Lindy had a hard time believing this -- he had worked too hard to get where he was to give it up for anything -- but she courteously took the compliment by awarding him a kiss.

"I'll miss you. So will Freddie."

Kurt kept a grip on her hands as they both got to their feet, dusting their pants off and preparing for the worst. Shelli, still sniffly with cries, adhered to Lindy's side and rested her head on her shoulder, something Lindy had rather done to her so many times in the past.

"We should get going," Krist informed Kurt, who was unwilling to let go of Lindy's hand, still firmly clutched in his. Lindy sucked in a deep breath of air but it did her no good. Her lungs felt empty of oxygen, like they would implode under its false absence. The horrendous countdown that had been mentally ticking in her head was nearing its end.

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