One-shots in Darcy's POV

Chapter 14

What about Wickham's intentions be? Why did he join the militia? Why is he back in my life to grieve me again?

My head was filled with Wickham for the next few days, yet I could not come up with a single motive to explain his becoming of an officer. The last time I saw him was during the Ramsgate incident, of course. After he had done that to poor Georgie, the least I could do was to banish him and Miss Younge to a faraway location where I had hoped to never see this vile man again. Notwithstanding there were still the countless times I had to clear up the mess he made from gambling, drinking and womanising in the nearby town. At least he did not try to disturb us anymore, I tried to comfort myself. As long as I dealt with his debts, he would be content in his lowly life and we would be content living a very happy life without him.

However, Wickham was the easy half of the problem. The harder part was my sister. That is why I hate Wickham as much as I did back then when I had exposed him. A man must have enjoyments in life, understandably. Who does not have vices? Drinking and gambling are common enough, I admit. But the point is that Wickham hurt my sister's fragile, vulnerable heart. He was always charming since young. I dare not say the same for myself, but his easy countenance attracted him to everyone. Perhaps I was too distant for Georgie? Unable to find a listening ear in me, she resorted to the next available person who was definitely more than willing to lend her his shoulder to cry on. Is this what betrayal feels like? When the person whom you thought was the closest to you actually felt the opposite...

Nay, I shall not dwell on past sorrows. What matters now is that I have changed. I know I was not there for Georgie when she needed me and I have been making repents in the present time. I try my best to be understanding and caring. Tending to her every need and fulfilling her every wish, yet I know that in some way, I still fall short of Wickham. I know I can never replace him. Wickham, always the good, smiling, friendly guy. Me, always the mean, frowning, rude guy. Some things never change...

Well, at least I can proudly say that all these hardships and conflicted emotions have yet to affect my image in the ton. Society still respects me as a wealthy gentleman with Derbyshire thankfully. My reputation to outsiders has yet to be tarnished by Wickham. Perhaps in status and name, I will always be better than him, but in smaller societies and closer acquaintances, I can never outshine Wickham. Perhaps... just perhaps, this contributes a little part of my hatred towards him. Not that I would ever admit it to anyone. It is far too embarrassing to base one's hatred on jealousy and such nonsensical behaviour would not suit my calm demeanour either. If need be, I shall just summarise the Ramsgate incident and there! It should be enough evidence to why I hate Wickham so strongly.

Days of deep contemplation and reflections passed and I cannot say that I have wasted my time. It has been raining since Friday and I have been denied from my pastime of walking in the shrubbery too long for my liking. Nature makes for a good companion when you are in want of silence. Caroline does not.

These few days, she has been complaining incessantly about the "abominable weather" and how it undeniably prevents her "friends" from coming to visit her. Upon my word, Caroline! Are you sure you have friends who would bother themselves to visit you? Anyone would turn mad eventually if they were stuck in a house with Caroline for days and days. Bingley's only consolation to us was the Netherfield Ball tomorrow. Pray, I am astonished to find that I am not entirely disagreeable to the idea of a ball! What have I become of? I attribute this sudden change to the constant torture of being trapped in the house for four days. I rather dance with the Bennet sisters than endure another day of rain!

At Bingley's reminder of the ball, the ladies started discussing about what they were going to wear. Such animation over such a dull topic! I marvel at how females can put in so much effort considering their outfit for a single event from the ribbons to the lace around the hems. I suppose I am too used to wearing similar outfits, being a gentleman. And I also have my trusty valet, who dresses for me, so I am spared from possible headache caused by the trouble of taking care of my appearance.

"Mr Darcy, I was just telling Louisa about the new dress I bought last week with you, do you remember?" Why must Caroline always include me in her conversations?

"Indeed. I dare say that the satin gown would suit your countenance very well." What dress was it? Hmm, I can only remember feeling the soft satin cloth against my fingers. The trip to Meryton seemed like an eternity ago.

"Why, Mr Darcy! I thank you for your kind words, but do you recall what colour it was?" Is this a game of memory? Caroline seemed serious though, so I shook my head.

"How could you forget it so quickly, Mr Darcy? It was a old rose silk taffeta and beige silk satin gown with cotton lining! You suggested for me to try on the dress and I am glad I had listened to your impeccable fashion taste. To think that a man could see and know the right dresses fit for another lady! Charles should take a lesson or two from you." Caroline beamed at me while Bingley blinked. I am starting to recall that day... Upon my word, I believe I had simply pointed out the nearest dress and counted down the minutes to which we can finally return to Netherfield! What impeccable fashion taste indeed!

At the start of last week, Bingley and I had ventured out to Meryton with his sisters for them to get new dresses for the Netherfield Ball. I was unwilling at first, in case I might meet Wickham again, but I knew that if I had the luck to chance upon him again, I would make myself clear and use his debts to keep him in line. Yet, I was worried that I might see him with Elizabeth again... I do not believe myself capable of restraining the urge to punch him if I do witness the both of them enjoying each other's company again. It has nothing to do with Elizabeth, I repeat, it is not that I am jealous whatsoever. I am simply giving this son of a gun what he deserves and nothing less.

Thus, the whole trip had me in a bundle of nerves. I could not stop imagining scenarios and... forget it, I do not want to talk about my fears. I was so paranoid that I failed to register Caroline hooking her arm onto mine and dragging me into a clothes shop or Bingley waving goodbye to me with a knowing smile. By the time I had regained my senses, I was already stuck with Caroline during the whole shopping spree. I could not possibly leave her stranded here as much as I had wanted to. That was not something a gentleman should do. And what did a gentleman do to shorten the time spent with an unfavourable woman? He became very interested in dresses and gowns! I was recommending evening dresses for Caroline to try and gave her my honest opinions when she came out to show me. Caroline was too pleased at my bombardment of compliments to her appearance in every dress that she failed to realise I was saying almost the exact words every time.

"That dress matches your figure, Caroline."

"That gown suits your eyes perfectly."

"The lace lining looks wonderful on you."

I never had a knack for coming with nice things to say, but Caroline did not realise of course. She actually requested for almost all the dresses she tried, but they were all out of stock or already reserved for someone until we finally reached the last store where we found the rose-something-satin dress. I never heaved such a deep sigh before when the shop-owner presented Caroline with the dress she wanted. It was finally over!

As Caroline was making payments, I suddenly wondered where did Bingley and Louisa went in our absence. I cursed myself for not paying attention to their conversation and quickly asked Caroline when she was ready to leave.

"Charles and Louisa said they wanted to call on Jane Bennet at Longbourn. I suppose they are still there now." Caroline rolled her eyes. Longbourn! This is complete blasphemy! Why can Bingley go to Longbourn while I am here shopping with Caroline? How could he abandon me like that?

"Let them frolic with the Bennets, Mr Darcy. We shall not deign ourselves by tolerating their country manners. Let us continue walking around to see if there is anything else to buy." Nay, I much rather frolic with Elizabeth than continue shopping with you! But there was nothing I could do to object. I would rather sacrifice my freedom and joy to protect Elizabeth than succumb her to Caroline's attacks. With a heavy heart, I nodded and trudged along the streets of Meryton, all the while wishing that I was in Bingley's company instead.

A/N: Don't forget to vote and comment if you enjoyed this chapter, thank you!! Shout-outs to Darlingssssz LisaHatfield megosbornewrites kcbookslove @Phoenixsp99 @Dolphingirl1155 @-fangirl_crazy- @GreyJediBay anakinpadmeforlife for supporting me one way or another, happy new year!!