Emperor's Pampered Cannon fodder

Bump,Bump

The next morning weather was as usual warm, birds were as usual chirping, the palace was as usual busy and our G.Li was as usual doing her morning duty which was of course helping the emperor wear robe.

She huffed exasperatedly as she tried to tie the ribbon of his upper chest area for the nth time.

For heaven's sake, why so many ribbons on a robe??!!!

Zhu Zhen's eyes flashed with amusement as he looked down at his little wife's diligent face. Her usual sparkling eyes crinkled in concentration, tongue poking out the side of her lips as her fingers impatiently twiddled with the ribbon in vain attempts to tie them.

She looked frustrated, irritated but she looked cute. The emperor couldn't stop his eyes trailing down to her lips which were wet due to her weird habit of licking them time to time as she struggled with the ribbon.

Frequently, she would bite her lip in between her teeth painting them with a pinkish tint. Zhu Zhen gulped unconsciously watching her glistening pink lips as he felt an unfamiliar excitement creeping within him. He couldn't help imagining how it would feel to touch those pink petals or better.. to feel them on his own. Without him realizing, his face leant closer, his lips departing on their own, his nose coming closer to hers until-

Bang!!!!!!

G.Li suddenly decided to raise her head causing both their nose to bump hard! Stream of curses flew out of the emperor's lips as pain shot through the bone of his nose but he didn't have time to worry about that because someone else was in more miserable condition than him.

"I can't feel my nose. Oh my god! I can't feel my nose!!", G.Li shrieked out hysterically grabbing her nose. Her eyes pooled with tears making the emperor's face pale with pure dread. She was on the verge of breaking into tears in pain and not in the right mind to react when two arms pulled her closer making her sit on a lap.

"Don't cry," the emperor cooed in her ears while he massaged something soft on her nose making the pain soothe a little.

"But it hurts!!" G.Li whined trying her best to stop her tears.

"It won't anymore." Zhu Zhen softly kissed her new red nose bump before placing the bottle of healing oil back in his three dimensional bracelet.

After a short while, G.Li noticed that the pain in her nose had subsided, as if it had never existed in the first place.

"It's go-gone." she mumbled confusedly looking at the emperor. Of course, it would be gone. The oil that was applied on her nose was the best healing oil of that era that was only made for the martial warriors in case of emergency.

"Zhen knows." The emperor replied as he sighed a breath of relief watching her tears gone. G.Li's eyes narrowed as she looked at Zhu Zhen's face.

Why does it feel like there is something unusual about the emperor's face?

G.Li leaned in closer to the emperor, her eyes wide with amusement, and burst into a fit of laughter right in front of him. Zhu Zhen was taken aback by her sudden change in demeanor, unsure of what to make of it. Perhaps she had hit her head too hard when she fell and was now experiencing some sort of delayed reaction. Feeling a surge of pity for his distraught wife, he drew her close, cradling her head against his chest as he tried to comfort her.

"Don't worry, my love. It's just a minor nose bump. It'll fade away in no time," he whispered softly, trying to console her. But instead of being consoled, G.Li's laughter intensified, her body shaking uncontrollably as she rolled around on his lap. Zhu Zhen's attempts at comforting her seemed to have the opposite effect, fueling her hilarity even further.

"It's not my nose bump I am laughing about, your highness." she managed to bring out the words in between her laugh and her next words were enough to bring tears to Zhu Zhen's eyes.

"I am laughing at that little pumpkin grown on your nose!!!"

How would you feel if one day you witness your curses turn into reality? What I feel is, pure joy!

......................................

After the incident in the morning, a certain emperor's mood turned grumpy while G.Li's mood turned more cheerful until-

"Where is my bag of taels?" She worriedly fumbled all around the sofa. Somehow, the scene brought a smirk on the emperor's lips as he wrestled with his ribbon to tie it up but in vain.

"You won't find it here." He replied not bothering to spare a glance at  G.Li.

What does he mean?!This brat has definitely something to do with the sudden disappearance of my bag.

What actually G.Li wanted to do was jump on that wanker and wipe that smirk off his face but she chose to act smartly instead as she stretched her lips to form the sweetest smile before shuffling closer to the emperor. Slowly taking his hands off the ribbon, she took them in her hands. Twisting them between her fingers, she started muttering in her cute voice,

"Your highness, please don't be angry at jianqie (this unworthy wife). Qie didn't really mean it when she laughed at your pumpkin. Actually, your majesty looks more handsome with that pumpkin on your nose."

Zhu Zhen's smirk vanished being reminded about that pumpkin.

Her subconscious: "........."

G.Li!I would like it better if you never choose to act smartly again in this lifetime.

Managing to tie that ribbon this time, G.Li looked at him with her puppy eyes.

"Your majesty, you are the kindest emperor of all time. Please don't be cruel to jianqie."

In other words,
Tell me where my freaking money is, you wanker!

Somehow, Zhu Zhen managed to figure out her real massage.

"Zhen returned the bag to Tan'er." he told her nonchalantly as if he just didn't break G.Li's heart into thousand pieces.

"Excuse me whaaat-",Gongsun Li was bewildered by the emperor's audacity!!!!

"They were only meant to be distributed amongst the maid.", He clarified making her eyes widen with his words.

"But, your highness! I am also a mai-" she tried to reason with the brat but

"You are my wife."

Wife?

"I am not a maid?"G.Li's eyes sparkled with joy.

If she is no longer a maid then she has no responsibility. She doesn't have to wait to get back to the imperial palace to get divorced. She can ask for divorce now!

"You are."

Poor G.Li! Her sweet anticipation got cut off in midway by her idiotic husband.

"You are still a maid but for me. You are not allowed to do any other job except those I tell you to do and you are not allowed to accept other's money except mine."

What the fudging fudge!!!!

"But you never give me any money!" G.Li cried out before she could stop herself.

You worthless tongue, can't you do a single job right on your own?

"Do you want me to?", Eying his wife's red little face, the emperor couldn't cover up the amusement in his voice. G.Li could feel her cheeks turning hotter every second as embarrassment engulfed her every cell. She just wanted the ground to open up and swallow her.
Suddenly feeling a hand on her cheek, she looked up to meet with her husband's heated gaze.

"If you need anything, all you have to do is just ask." His deep voice carried a promising tone as he tucked a stray hair behind her ears smiling at her adoringly.

"Then nu wants salary every month." Again the words rolled of her tongue before she could stop them. G.Li peeked a glance at the emperor beneath her trembling lashes. He was there, standing with a grim look on his face staring at her like he wanted to swallow her as a whole.
She gulped hard as a sense of dread filled her insides.

Oh my dear tongue! I am going to miss you after you get ripped off!!! *sobs*