Mina

Like This

My plan was to just give Owen some solitude, so he didn't have to pretend he wasn't in pain.

But as I went to make my quick exit from the room he spoke. Urgent and desperate sounding and my heart slammed in my chest.

"Wait, Mina. Please. Stay."

I couldn't quite bring myself to look at him. I didn't want to stare into his steady chocolate eyes because I knew that I'd fall just that much more for him. And I couldn't do that. So I scanned the room, a room I'd been in plenty of times, sleeping over with Chelsea as she hogged the entire bed.

"We don't have to talk. Please." He begged.

I knew Owen wouldn't be able to stick to that. He always talked. But I couldn't ignore the need in his voice. Shaking my head at my inability to just walk away, I closed the door behind me and started toward him.

"Come on, let's get you out of the chair at least." I said more for me than him. I needed to be moving so I didn't focus on my pounding heart and the yearn to just give in to my feelings.

He didn't hesitate to listen, unbuckling himself. For some reason every bed in Max's house was massive. It never made sense to me, what the added height did for anyone other than make us vertically challenged people have to scale the sheets like Mount Everest. And one look at Owen confirmed my thoughts that he was uncertain too.

"Stand, pivot, sit." I reminded him.

He nodded, his arms stretching out to reach my shoulders as I prepared myself to help him. We had done this enough that one small glance at Owen and he knew I was ready for him to pull himself up.

I could feel his fingers pressing into my shoulders as he released the breath he had been holding. I stared at his chest, a Nike logo on it. It was safer than looking up at him.

"Sorry." He mumbled.

I could feel him looking at me. I wanted to look back.

"For what?" I asked.

"For leaning on you."

I couldn't stop myself, lifting my eyes to meet his. Owen couldn't love me and I couldn't love him back. But I'd always care. And I'd always be there for him to lean on. It was all I could offer him.

"You can lean on me." My voice came out timid, emotions I was trying to bury threatening to spill out of me.

I wanted to let myself like Owen. Most of the time. Just like I wanted to let myself call my dad. But fear won. Every. Single. Time.

"Ready...to pivot?" I whispered.

"Not yet."

I nodded my head slightly, my hands resting on his hips. He didn't really need me there. He was strong, his balance had improved greatly. But I knew that when his pain flared, so did his insecurities. So I waited as he stood to his full height, towering over me.

I was staring at his chest again when I felt his hand raise off my shoulder, his fingers brushing along my cheek slightly. His touch warmed my skin and I closed my eyes, hiding the tears that had sprung into them.

Why did he have to be like this? Be so Owen. So gentle but bold. Unafraid of rejection. Unafraid of being hurt.

I pressed my cheek into his palm. Desperate to be close to him.

"Owen. Please, don't." I begged softly.

"Don't what?" His voice a rumble that shook my core.

"Don't be like this."

I had to move away from him. I had to put distance between us.

His hand landed on my shoulder again. "Be like what?"

Penny's voice whispered in my mind. My inability to call my dad coming to the forefront of my thoughts. How Owen deserved someone who could be just as vulnerable as he allowed himself to be. It didn't matter that I cared for him. Sometimes you had to let go of the things you loved.

I mustered all of my determination, trying to light a fire within myself. A fire that Owen wouldn't be able to put out and I looked up.

"Like this." I snapped at him.

His eyes glanced down at himself slightly. "What? Crippled?"

"You're not crippled." I rolled my eyes annoyed.

"Then what? How am I being?" I was frustrating him, I could hear it.

I shook my head. "Just forget it, lets get you on the bed and you can stretch."

"No Mina.  How am I being?"

I wasn't sure how many more times I could push him away. How much longer I could pretend that I didn't want him too. I did. But the thought of him leaving, the thought of losing him after being so stupid and letting myself fall for him was terrifying.

"Like this!" I threw my hands up in agitation.  "All sweet and kind and caring. Guys like you leave Owen! You always end up leaving! And you don't care what mess you leave behind!"

Part of me wanted to cry. And parted of me wished he could just see. That he could read my mind and understand where I was coming from.

"I'm not leaving." He said.

I couldn't believe him. "Guys like you always leave."

But he was insistent. Like he always was. Stubborn.

"I'm not going anywhere Mina."

My heart jumped but I ignored it. Don't be stupid, Mina.  "I don't believe you."

He looked at me, steady brown eyes, calm and confident. If I was anyone else I would have believed him as he said, "I'll prove it."

But I wasn't.

I shook my head, bringing my hands back to his waist. "Can we just do this?"

"Mina.."

"Just stop Owen." I barked. "Pivot, sit."

He didn't move right away, staring at me even though I just continued to study his shirt. I'd never be able to forget it now, it was basically burned into my mind. Like him.

He sighed. "Yeah, alright."

I just needed him to drop it. I'd already said too much. I mumbled out a one, two and when I got to three Owen said it with me. Both of us pivoting in time with each other before he lowered himself down to the bed. I helped him swing his legs onto it and waited while he readjusted so he wasn't on the edge of the bed.

I thought about leaving. Clearly being near Owen was too hard for me to keep myself from acting on emotions. But then he looked over at me, that dimple still in the center of his forehead, his eyes soft and his dark hair a mess and I climbed onto the bed beside him.

I grabbed the remote, turning the TV on, all while Owen tried to burn a hole in my head with his eyes.

Without looking over I snapped "stretch".

He chuckled and I fought the urge to smile.  "Yes ma'am."

———————

Keep yelling at me, it's kind of working. I wrote like 1/3 of a chapter yesterday. Probably would have gotten farther but I started falling asleep.

Also I'm so excited! I'm leaving for Chicago tomorrow morning for the weekend without kids! Haha I haven't had a weekend away from children since I had them and I'll be honest I might be looking forward to it more than I should be.