Mina

With Ease

"What am I doing?" I whispered to myself, my fingers drumming along the steering wheel of my car as I sat at a light. "Oh god."

It hadn't started immediately but now as I sat there watching the clock tick down, knowing that I had left myself just enough time to make it to my destination if I was actually going to go through with it, I felt like a mess.

What had I been thinking?

Mrs. Rae's words had stayed with me through the end of my shift. My mind thinking about the person I wanted to be rather than the person I was, weighted down by all that Penny wasn't, what I had so desperately missed growing up. How I wanted to be open, to allow someone close, to not fear when they might leave.

But now I felt like running. I felt like disappearing without telling a soul.

My thoughts shifted to Owen appearing in my bedroom telling me he was staying, Max yelling at me at Alec's, Chelsea crying the next day as she told me the fear that had nearly swallowed her when I had ghosted them.

I couldn't do that again. I wouldn't.

I reached for my phone as the light turned green, pressing it to my ear a moment later. It only rang twice before Owen's voice rang through the speaker.

"What're you doing?" I asked, the question coming out far more urgent then I had intended.

I flicked my blinker on, pulling into a parking lot before heading in the direction I had come.

"Nothing really, currently I'm working my way through Nan's leftovers. Why?"

Right. He probably had just gotten home from his game. It was the one time he actually seemed to have an appetite I'd noticed.

"So nothing?" I clarified.

"Yeah. What's up?" I could hear him chewing as he talked.

"Come with me somewhere."

"Where?"

I couldn't tell him where. Besides he'd figure it out eventually, like when we got there.

"Don't be obnoxious." I scolded, not because he was being obnoxious but because I was a nervous ball of stress and I couldn't handle it. "Get ready, I'll be there in less than five."

"Whoa, whoa, wait. Get ready? I'm in sweats, do I need to change?" He asked.

"You're always in sweats."

He laughed. "Good point. Chair or is there not much walking?"

I let out a frustrated breath, allowing myself to harbor some annoyance for Owen but only because it distracted me from the panic that wanted to consume me.

"Canes, probably." I said.

As long as the parking lot wasn't a mile from the coffee shop it was probably pretty safe to say he could make it with his canes.

"Now hurry up." I demanded, hanging up the phone before he had a chance to answer.

I pulled into his driveway a moment later, my foot pressed hard against the brake as I leaned forward and muttered "Come on, come on, come on".

Losing what little patience I had, I slammed my car in park but just as I went to climb out and physically remove Owen from his house myself, the front door opened and out he stepped.

I'd be lying if I said I didn't notice the way his joggers were slung low on his hips, his T-shirt riding up just slightly as he maneuvered his way down the ramp. He was definitely still thin, possibly even underweight by the doctors standards but he looked tremendously better than he did post injury-pre Crip. Getting back into a sport had helped Owen all the way around.

I also noticed that smile he gave me as he rounded the front of my car. If I hadn't been on the verge of losing my mind, my heart would have stopped.

But I was so before he even had time to buckle his seat belt I was flooring it backwards out of his driveway.

"Damn." He mumbled, his seatbelt clicking into place. "What's the hurry?"

"We're late." I barked.

"For what?"

A pivotal point in my young adult life!

"For something."

"Do I get to know what this something is?" His voice laced with amusement.

I rolled my eyes. "Shut up you're being obnoxious."

He wasn't, not really. But yelling at him was all I could manage right now. It was safe and I was clinging to that because everything else felt like it might explode otherwise.

"Mina." Owen reached for my hand but I slapped it back to my steering wheel, my knuckles going white. "Okay, nevermind, I won't try and hold your hand."

"Would you just stop!" I snapped. "God."

He threw his hands up in surrender, I could see the agitation on his face as he said, "alright you win. I'll just sit here silently."

Thank god, now only if he could actually stay quiet. I couldn't handle him right now. I probably should have called Chelsea, maybe. Her house had been closer and on the way but for some reason I had called Owen. Not for some reason, I called Owen because I was scared and overwhelmed and I knew that once Owen realized it he wouldn't push me to say more than I wanted to. That he'd take the focus from me until I could gather myself. And that's what I needed.

"Can I at least tell you about my game?" He asked, his vow of silence had lasted a whole two minutes.

I laughed through my nose, a smile tugging the corners of my mouth up as I glanced at him.

"Sure." He never could stay quiet for long.

A smile exploded on his face and this time I felt that fluttered in my chest and some of the anxiety I was holding onto dispersed ever so slightly. Enough of it anyway that I realized I should have apologized but instead I let go of my steering wheel and laced my fingers with his. And just when I thought Owen couldn't possibly be any more amazing than he was, he lifted our intertwined hands and kissed my knuckles. The gesture one of the sweetest things I'd ever felt.

I released a breath that felt like it had been trapped inside me since I sent the first text message to my dad after work. Silently thanking Owen for just being him, sweet and patient, steady.

He didn't let it last long though, a cocky smirk on his face as he looked over at me. "Well we won. Of course."

I rolled my eyes. "You're such a gracious winner."

He laughed. "Not my fault we kick ass."

"And let me guess you carried the team?" I teased.

Owen was always going on about how he had to  improve. That he didn't want the team to carry him. It had turned into a little joke between the two of us. But I'm not sure he even realized that he was one of the key players on the team.

His fingers squeezed around my hand. "Someone's got to."

I wondered if he realized he carried a lot of things. And he did it all with ease.

                            ————————

Alright so I'm going to warn you, I think Mina is nearing the end. I don't know how many chapters are left, but I feel it coming. I'll try not to surprise you with it like I did in Owen 😂.