Mina

I'm Scared

"Please Mina, give me a chance."

"I can't." My response was automatic.

"Right, okay." He mumbled, his eyes dancing past me to our surroundings. "Can we..uh..can we sit?" He asked, breezing over my response like I hadn't said it.

I watched him for a moment, confused at how easily he accepted my rejection.

"Over there?" He asked and I followed his gaze to a bench.

"Okay."

I didn't understand him. Weren't people afraid of rejection? Wasn't that a society norm? I was.

I walked backwards, being his main support as we shuffled our way toward the bench. When we got there, he sat, releasing a breath as he looked up at me and smiled.

"Holy shit my chest is tight." He told me.

"Steady your breathing. I'll grab your canes."

He mumbled a "thanks" doing as I said as I walked the few feet back to grab his canes. They stood straight up from where he had abandoned them mid stride. I was back by his side, moments later, taking a seat beside him on the bench.

I wasn't sure what to say. Or where to go from here. In fact it almost felt like the exchange never even happened. Folding my hands in my lap, I stared down at them, waiting for something, anything to happen. But Owen just sat there. Maybe he was waiting for me to talk but that was more his thing. He was the one that talked and rambled and shared his feelings. I listened.

"I can't." I repeated quietly.

Maybe he hadn't heard me the first time.

He still didn't answer so I snuck a glance at him. He was looking out at something, his face relaxed, brown hair a mess, even from the side I could see the steady in his eyes. What was he thinking? Why wasn't he answering?

"Owen?" I could barely manage to get his name out of my mouth.

All of a sudden he turned his head, eyes falling on mine. "Why are you so scared?"

My mouth gaped open, my voice catching in my throat. I hadn't expected him to call me out like that.

"You don't have to be scared." He said and for a split second I almost believed him.

I looked away, my voice coming back to me as I said, "yes I do".

"Why?" He wanted to know.

All at once I didn't feel calm, I didn't feel steady like Owen.

"I can't." I shook my head, it felt like I was suddenly suffocating. "I can't do this."

"Mina.."

I sensed it more than saw as he reached out for my hand. I bolted up, my hands shielding my face as I lost the last bit of control over my calm.

"I can't do this!" The words bursted out of me. "I can't."

I felt panicky, a little crazy. Desperate.

"Why?" Owen pushed.

This had been a mistake. He had been a mistake. I knew better than to give him a chance. To let him close. No one ever stayed. And I couldn't break. I had to stop whatever we were now, before we ever got the chance to really start.

"Because Owen!" I cried.

Why couldn't he understand? Why couldn't he see that I loved him but I'd never be able to trust him? And he deserved to be trusted. I couldn't be what he wanted me to be.