After The Party (A Kurt Cobain fanfic)

Chapter 36

The show goes by quickly and Kurt seems relaxed and less nervous. As some sort of sign of unity or maybe just of rebellion all the members of the band kiss each other at one point during the show, much to Nirvana's posse's amusement.

Lily spends most of it up in the mixing booth with Craig Montgomery and SNL's in-house mixing people, joking around and talking about sound for the show. But as soon as the performance is over she's backstage again to greet the boys.

"That was so amazing!" She squeals, jumping into Kurt's arms right away before giving Dave and Krist a hug as well.

She and Kurt decide to skip the after party and go back to the hotel, Kurt's stomach had been bothering him since they had woken up and he didn't feel like worsening it with drinking and food. However, in just a matter of hours it seemed like food wasn't needed to worsen it, that happened all on its own.

"Ahhh" Kurt screams later that night, banging his head against the tile floor, "It hurts so god damn much"

"What can I do?" Lily asks in a panicked voice, trying to pull him up from the floor so he doesn't seriously hurt himself. He leans back on the ground and she wets a rag with cold water and tries to put it on his forehead.

"I don't have a fucking fever Lil, that does nothing" He screeches cruelly and Lily looks like she might cry.

"I'm sorry I just—what do you need?" She whispers, pulling him into her lap and stroking his hair in an effort to calm him down.

"I need drugs, nothing else is going to help I'm in so much pain" He cries out, not even able to open his eyes from the pain and Lily's heart sinks.

"No, we can't. We promised each other we would stop. If you do it I'm going to too and then we'll be right back where we were. There must be something else, I can call a doctor..." She says desperately, and Kurt screams again, making Lily wince.

"A doctor will take too long and won't be able to help me anyway" He answers through gritted teeth, "Please, just this one time, just to make the pain stop."

"Kurt..." She protests and he looks up at her with the coldest versions of his beautiful blue eyes that she'd ever seen.

"Please Lil" He begs and she takes a deep breath.

"Fine." She says finally, hating herself for giving in but also not being able to take another second of seeing the man she loved in such intense pain.

She gets up and the excitement of winning combined thought of being out of discomfort soon gives Kurt enough momentary energy to get up as well.

"Are you sure you feel ok enough to come with?" She asks, wracking her brain trying to remember the exact address she'd found written down in his wallet and immediately thrown away, not that he hadn't memorized it immediately anyway.

"85 Bowery" Kurt says, reading her mind and she bites her lip. She really wanted to believe that he wasn't playing up his stomach in order to get her to let him use but she tried not to think about it, she didn't want to not trust him.

"Alright lets go" She surrenders. They take a cab to the address and Kurt calls the guy from a pay phone outside.

"Do you want me to come up?" She asks in a hesitant voice. Even after being in a serious relationship with a heroin addict and dabbling in the drug herself, she still hated being around dealers. In her head they were the grimiest of the grimy and she couldn't stand being in their presence.

"No I want you to wait alone on the street at one in the morning" Kurt says with a grimace, putting his hand on the small of her back and guiding her towards the door.