Light of my Life

12. Figured it

Star's POV:

Cold. Lonely. That's how I felt despite being wrapped in the thick blankets while chatting with a few friends I met online. The climate in NYC is terrible. Especially in winter. It hadn't started snow storming but it was so cold. It was numbing me too much to the point I wasn't sure if it was just the weather or if it's me.

School was taking a toll on me. More than I ever thought it could. The constant feeling of tiredness and numbness. I hated it. Not feeling anything, being in complete dark all alone. Not a good experience. It wasn't okay. But I couldn't do anything about it. I know it could be worse. Dragging myself to school just to get away from the deafening silence of my house has become a routine.

Sitting in the classes, zoning out and struggling to stay awake most of the time, I failed to keep up with them. It was hard. I kept losing the few friends that hung out with me. The only person that still talked with me occasionally was Nina. The others had their reason of 'don't get me wrong but... you're so quiet all the time plus you're not doing well in classes.. pull yourself together'. Not their exact words but that's what they meant. They knew I knew it too. So I did what they asked. Distanced myself from them.

It sucked. Being stuck with myself. Especially with a brain like mine. But it was fine because my head was too loud for me to focus on anything else. That was how I failed to notice how my feelings for Nina grew. Without me being aware of it.

It wasn't until mid December, I felt a little better. With Nina around to keep me company. Just her presence made me feel better. When I realized about my feelings? That one day when I was looking into her eyes while she talked about something. The eye contact that I never really did with anyone. My stomach had those butterflies while my heart fluttered. I felt light headed. It scared me. When we parted, I shook my head trying to clear my thoughts.

But I couldn't. It didn't sink in immediately. But I started noticing more about it. Just out of curiosity at first. And by the end of December, I was sure of one thing. I liked her. A lot. This time it wasn't platonic. I found myself watching her a lot. Stalking up her Instagram just to look at her pics when I was at home or just not around her. No I'm not a creep though it sounds like that. Missing her the second she went away. I felt silly. For being this clingy over someone. But then I was that person who got attached to someone quicker than others.

It's really silly to be emotionally attached to someone who helped a few times(not complaining) and then end up liking them. But that was exactly what happened. I told Alisha about it. She warned me not to think too much about it, after teasing me endlessly for 30 mins. And so I did. I didn't do a good job at it. But I tried. I tried real hard not to think about my feelings for her but it was super hard when she was being so sweet and just her awesome self. Despite the grief I was feeling because my uncle passed away near Christmas time, she made me feel better. And that inspired me to make sure my mom was doing better. Losing your brother isn't easy. I saw how it affected her. I wasn't close to him because he was away, alone most of the time.

It sucked because just before we planned to visit him he passed away. Life was unpredictable like that. But we were able to move on. It was difficult at first but not that worse like it was for my grandfather.

The winter ball was in January. Successfully ending the year with doing nothing but wasting my time away, I prepared myself to attend this ball. I didn't have a date and I wasn't expecting to have one. Turning down the few offers I decided to go solo. The whole point of going was to see Nina in a dress. It was no fun going solo but I liked it. I could do anything I wanted. I hated wearing dresses more than anything. So if anything else didn't prove my feelings for the taller girl, this should.

My mom was shocked but happy. My dad didn't really bother to know what was going on and I didn't care about it either. I was used to him not being that involved. Dressing myself in a dark but not too dark blue velvety dress that flowed to the floor with full arm sleeves, my mom put on makeup around my eyes and did my hair. It wasn't anything fancy. Jet black hair flowing down with French braid on both side of my head. I looked nice.

The velvet looked good with my tanned skin. Wearing white wedges I grabbed my purse and had my mom drop me off at school. I wasn't a fan of heels. Barely walking without tripping over my own foot I didn't want to risk breaking my bones with heels. I scanned the crowd looking for Nina. Everyone looked good. Some girls looked gorgeous even. But my eyes wandered until they found her.

She was wearing a red dress that flowed to the ground. It had slits on both sides of her waist showing her skin that looked so soft. The turtle necked dress was transparent around her neck with red full sleeves that covered her arms.

She looked gorgeous. Taking my eyes off her waist my black eyes met her dark brown ones. They shone like the stars making me almost swoon. I made my way towards her while she excused herself from her friends and walked towards me too.

"Hey" she said smiling widely with her arms holding mine. Quietly clearing my throat I spoke up. "Hi, you look great". She chuckled and smiled again. 'Cute' I thought. "Thanks. You too. Are you alone?" She asked. I smiled nodding my head because I couldn't find words. She took my hand and started walking to her friends, "You're staying by my side then". I smiled and mumbled an 'okay', letting her drag me. All I wanted was to be around her and that was what I was getting now.

We spent the night dancing for a few songs and stuffing ourselves with food. Or more like she ate while I just watched. She forced some food and even offered to feed me if I didn't eat. I wanted to say yes to her feeding but I felt like it was ridiculous how I'd eat if she fed me but not by myself. She didn't force after that. I was glad. No matter how good I felt, when it came to eating the problem was always there.

People were still dancing and singing/screaming along and having fun but I was getting tired and so was she. We decided to call it a night and went home with her friend while I waited for my dad to pick me up. Of course the universe hated me and made me wait for 1 hour outside the school for my dad to come. I was beyond frustrated. When he finally showed up I was close to cursing him out but bit my tongue and kept quiet. I hated how just one small incident like this ruined my night. All the happiness I felt from before disappeared faster than light.

Huffing and slamming the door shut I changed into sweatpants and a hoodie before going to sleep. But couldn't fall asleep. I was still angry from earlier but I tried to focus on the other events of the evening. It worked. After hours of tossing and turning, I fell asleep only to wake up early on a Saturday. My sister was back. She had come home last night but apparently I was preoccupied to notice her presence in the room next to mine.

Why my mom thought it would be fun to go to amusement park with just the three of us along with my other uncle, Sean, I'd never know. But it was needed. For all of us. As usual my dad stayed in office while we had fun. Even with just 4 hours of sleep I was excited and bouncing the whole day. I missed my sister. We were in different schools and barely had time to spend together. The 13 year old is no longer a baby. But we had fun anyway. The day ended with good thoughts. We did a little shopping, my uncle 's treat.

I loved it. We felt like a family again even if my it was just me, my mom, sister and my uncle. He's my mom's second older brother. And being his favourite niece brought him to our household often. Crashing down on my bed I thought about everything and drifted to sleep.

A/N: Hello!! Yeah it's been long sorry. Another filler chapter. So Star has started feeling somethings for Nina Please vote, comment and share!!