Not A Chance

Chapter 30 - That's gay

"I need a nap." Peter said as he climbed through the window and dragged himself across the living room, towards the couch. "An eternal nap."

"Death." Wade used the web Spider-Man had so kindly attached to the window frame to get to his apartment. He climbed inside right behind the exhausted arachnid. "What you want is death."

"So be it." Peter flopped down on Wade's old couch with a groan, he was really tired of New York at it's crap, couldn't the city stay out of trouble for five minutes? Was that too much to ask for? Couldn't villains, aliens and mutants attack other cities? There are billions to choose from, he was starting to believe they simply had a fixation with New York.

"If you die then whose life will I make a living hell?" Wade took off his mask and carelessly threw it on the table, almost knocking over a soda that probably had been there for a while. He then walked to the kitchen and opened the fridge, scanning it's contents. "You want pizza?" He looked at Spidey.

Peter took off his mask as well and set it beside him. "You got some?" He looked back at Deadpool, who simply nodded. "Bring it to me."

Wade reached into the fridge and pulled out a pizza box, then set it down on the counter with a grin. "It's only a week old."

Peter grimaced, eyeing the box suspiciously. "Ugh you're disgusting." He lazily held out a gloved hand, not having enough energy to get up and get food for himself. "Give me a slice."

"One slice for the prettiest man in the room." Wade grabbed two slices.

"Stop, you'll make me blush." Peter said sarcastically, staring at the delicious and most likely radioactive pizza in Wade's hand.

"Don't flatter yourself, baby cakes. I was talking about me." He shoved the slice in his mouth, earning a glare from Peter. Wade then grabbed another slice and walked to the couch, handed the pizza to Peter and sat down right next to him. "There you go, second prettiest man in the room."

Peter narrowed his eyes at Wade and started eating. "Funny." He said with his mouth full (of pizza, I know what you're thinking. Ya nasty).

"Don't be jealous, Petey Pie. It's not my fault, I was simply born this way."

Peter shook his head, smiling a little bit. He was about to take another bite from his pizza slice when his phone buzzed. He pulled it out and took a quick look at the screen before groaning again and putting it away. "Know what? Dying actually doesn't sound too bad."

"Aw!" Wade started playing with Peter's hair, the index finger of his free hand twisted a brown curl as he took a bite of his own slice. Peter tried not to react to Wade's touch, he always liked it when MJ played with his hair but when Wade did it, it felt...different. In a really nice way. "What's got my little spider so eager to meet lady Death? Don't get me wrong, she's cool and all but I'd rather you not meet her any time soon."

Peter sighed. "My job." He stared at the cold cheese on his pizza, trying to focus on something that wasn't Wade's fingers going through his messy hair. God, he was probably sweating, that was embarrassing. "I forgot to send some pictures to J.J."

"Oh." Wade nodded. He was about to suggest they put their food in the microwave when it clicked. "Wait, you said J.J.?" Peter just said 'mhm', not taking his eyes off the pizza. "You mean that J.J.?"

Peter looked at Wade, raising an eyebrow. "Is there another one?" He hoped not, one Jonah in this world was more than enough. Imagine if there were more, oh my god no, that would be the end of Spider-Man, he'd have to quit. There's no way he'd be able to handle all that stress.

Peter was imagining the different scenarios that could take place if there were more than one Jonah Jameson when Wade asked another question. "You sure you mean who I think you mean?" The man stared at him with wide eyes.