tw for entire chapter - drug abuse
i will put a short summary at the end of this chapter for those who aren't able to read it.
One year clean of drugs, thrown completely down the drain because I heard my ex-boyfriends song playing in a coffee shop. How overdramatic could I get?
I knew when I came down from my high, I'd feel nothing but regret for calling Michael and going over to his house in the first place, I was back where I was a year ago.
You see, after the first month without Harry I became lonely. Lonely enough to call my abusive ex-boyfriend, Michael. I wasn't sure why, maybe it was because I needed to feel loved by somebody, and I knew he was there. He was easy, especially after everything that happened.
We ended up talking, and soon enough he asked if I wanted something to take the edge off. That was when I did acid for the first time.
I became addicted quite quickly, spiralling out of control I went to rehab for a few months before cutting off contact with him completely, until now. I needed to rid my mind of the thoughts of the man I loved, who completely broke me.
We were sitting in his garage with a few people I'd never met before, passing a blunt around as we giggled. None of us feeling anything except pure bliss.
Michael had a house in Cali, which made it conveniently easy for me to leave my dorm and disappear for a few days, just so I could have some breathing room and then go back to normal.
Cause that's all this was. As selfish as it sounded, I only wanted to be around him because he was the only plug I knew in California. My plan was that I'd disappear for one, maybe two days then I'd go back to Berkeley and finish studying, taking my finals and getting on with life, as if this never happened.
The two pills I had taken about half an hour ago were beginning to kick in, and I was glad. Finally I didn't have the sight of Harry's face the night I left him engraved in my head, this was the release I needed.
"Okay...okay but, just imagine, right like what if dinosaurs came back bro? Like a fuckin t-rex running after your car," One of the guys laughed, earning laughs from everyone but Michael.
"Dinosaurs are fucking terrifying dude, sorry. Nope don't like that idea." Michael spoke.
I took a long drag from the blunt, feeling the heavy smoke fill my lungs. Holding it in for a few moments, I breathed out, feeling relief wash over me.
I passed the blunt to the blue-haired girl sitting to my left, she took a long drag before coughing. The blunt dropped to the ground and she fell over, making me laugh loudly.
"She greened out dude. Bathtub time?" The dude from earlier spoke.
Michael nodded before the two of them stood up, stumbling over to the girl they lifted her up, taking her out of the garage.
I grabbed the forgotten blunt from the floor, lighting it once again and finishing the rest of it, tossing the remains of it into a coffee canister.
After what seemed like years but only ended up being a few minutes, Michael and his friend came back. Their voices sounded disoriented and fuzzy, when I opened my mouth to speak no words came out. Normally I'd be scared out of my mind, but the two tablets of acid and the entire blunt I had to myself were making me paralyzed, both mentally and physically.
It didn't take long before I passed out too.
When I woke up, it felt like I was being thrown around the bedroom. My head was spinning and I felt like I'd vomit at any moment.
Slowly but surely, I got off the floor, taking the small blanket that was over me I wrapped it around my body, shivering slightly. Sitting on the unfamiliar bed, I used the remaining two percent of my battery to call an uber, not paying attention to the many notifications that had gathered on my phone while I was passed out.
I stood up, making my head spin worse than before, but made my way out of the room and down the stairs, thankfully not passing anyone as I walked out of the front door.
As soon as I stepped outside I realized that I was at Michaels house, mentally praying that my Uber would show up sooner rather than later so I won't have to see him. Like I said, I only wanted to be around him so I could get high. This time was no different.
As soon as my car arrived, I hopped in, making my way back to the university.
Between the throbbing headache and the feeling of bile rise in my throat, the car ride felt like it lasted a few hours, when it was only a few minutes.
I got out of the car, thanking the driver. As I hobbled back to my dorm, I earned a few glares from students walking around and confused looks from professors. I didn't blame them, though. I would be confused too if I saw a grown woman with a blanket wrapped around her shoulders, hobbling along a sidewalk. This was definitely not my ideal state, and I soon realized that getting as high as I possibly could was not worth it if this was how I'd feel after.
I slowly shuffled to the door of my room, hearing muffled voices from inside. I was confused as to who would be in my room at such a late hour. Maybe the RA doing a surprise room inspection?
My theory was proved wrong when I opened the door and was met with Cheryl and my parents, staring at me wide eyed.
"Where the hell have you been, Isabella?"
"Do any of you have water?" I asked my family, walking right past them to sit on my bed.
I didn't want to deal with their questions and the scolding that I was about to get. My throat was dry and metal was the only thing I could taste. My head hurt and I know that at any point I was due to throw up.
"What? No, Isabella. Where the hell have you been? We came up here because Cheryl called two days ago saying that you've been missing? We were worried sick." My mom spoke, tears pouring out of her eyes.
"Mom, there's no need to worry. I'm fine. Can we just drop it? I'm here, I'm alive. Can you guys come back later? I want to sleep."
My mom huffed. "We're talking about this, now Bella. Where were you?"
I stood up, running to my desk I threw up into the trash bin. Cheryl rushed to my side, holding my hair out of my face as I spit into the bin.
I sat down, leaning against the desk as my mother's eyes widened. The realization of where I'd been for apparently the past three days hit her.
She brought her hand to her mouth, letting out a loud sob she walked out of the room. Cheryl sat on my bed, putting her head in her hands, leaving my dad staring at me with wide eyes.
"You're better than this, Isabella. Don't start this again, I'm begging you for your own sanity." He spoke, tears welling in his eyes as he walked out of the room.
Big surprise, I fucked up again.
summary: bella met with her ex and did drugs, after she passed out for three days and nobody knew where she was. she came back to her dorm where her parents and cheryl were, and they realized what she did. her mom and dad left because they were disappointed.
ALSO BEFORE ANYONE SAYS ANYTHING:
i know this chapter is extreme but i wanted to portray what having ones heart broken could do to them. not every chapter will be like this, as this book is going to be about bellas journey to recovery and forgiving harry. this is just a road bump that she had to go over before she gets better.
thank you for reading, i love you endlessly✨
