next chapter will be better i promise
"Please don't talk like that, Bella." He sighed, shaking his head.
"Why the hell do you want me to talk like Harry? You really fucked me up, and now you're expecting me to listen to what you have to say? You even brought me here when I was unconscious."
"I didn't want you to get hurt. You were high out of your mind, you ran over my foot for fucksake, why can't you see that I'm just trying to help you?" He spoke solemnly.
I sat with my head resting on my knees, giving up on trying to argue with him, it wasn't going anywhere and he obviously wasn't listening to me. Part of me wanted to stay, and hear him out. I owed it to myself to hear the excuses he had for hurting me, and I couldn't bear the feeling that a part of me was missing like I had for the last two years. He was right in front of me, begging for me to listen.
"Where's my car, Harry?" My voice came out muffled.
"It's being fixed right now. In case you don't remember, you ran into the car in front of you. It'll be ready later tomorrow, you did quite a bit of damage to the front Bella."
"I don't have the money to pay for that."
"I'm paying for it." He looked over at me.
I looked up at him, our eyes meeting for a brief second before averting my gaze back to the floor, feeling the sadness creeping in on me.
"Where am I?"
"My condo in Fresno."
Fresno was much closer to Berkeley than Los Angeles, although I would much rather have taken the five hour drive back home then be in this house with Harry.
"Okay. Let's uh... let's talk." I sighed, knowing that there was no way I was getting out of this.
My phone was dead and I didn't have my wallet, unless I wanted to walk around Fresno, (a place I knew absolutely nothing about), I would have to sit here and wait until at least tonight. I'd try to find a hotel after I was done with Harry.
"Okay." He nodded, looking at me with sad eyes.
"Can I uh... can I borrow your charger?" I asked, getting up with my phone in hand.
He motioned toward the nightstand, where a charger lay. I plugged in my phone and walked to the other side of the bed, taking a seat as far from him as I could possibly be.
"Is this the first time?" He asked, turning towards me. Although I couldn't see his face, as I was turned away from him.
"Huh?"
"The first time you've gotten high?"
The room fell silent and tension was heavy in the air surrounding us. The silence was ear-piercing, and I found my breathing become heavy as he looked at me.
"Bella..." He trailed off, shaking his head for the billionth time since I've been awake.
"What? Seriously Harry. Don't pretend to care, don't make this harder than it has to be. Please."
He raked a hand through his hair, laughing dryly at me. "You really think I don't care? If I didn't care you'd probably still be at your parents house crying over me. I'm sick of this Bella! You need to listen to what I'm saying and doing. I care you about you so fucking much! If I didn't I wouldn't be here begging for you to listen to me!" He said, becoming more tense with each word he spoke.
I ran my hand through my hair, taking in the words he was saying. I needed to be rational, at least the slightest bit when dealing with this situation.
I just stared at him, searching for any indication of what he wanted me to say, but I couldn't find anything. Normally he was easy to read, but not right now.
"Please say something, Bella." He begged,
"It's not the first time." I gulped, picking at my fingernails.
There was so much I wanted to tell him; so much that I needed to tell him but I just couldn't find the right words to even begin an attempt to tell him everything I'd gone through in the past two years, but this was a start.
Why did I give in so easily?
I missed him.
Call me crazy for not leaving the moment I woke up, and wanting to stay and listen, but the ache that was coming from deep within my heart made staying and arguing with him seem much easier then ignoring his pleads and leaving. Besides, if the man you loved was asking you to stay, wouldn't you?
"How many times?"
"Too many to count."
"Bella..."
"I'm not going to apologize, but don't you dare lecture me about this. I'm the one that's deciding to do it, I can stop if I want." I spoke up, aggravation laced in every word.
"I'm not going to lecture you Bella. I was doing the same thing."
My head shot up to meet his sad eyes, did I hear him correctly?
He sighed before speaking, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "When we were writing the new album... Most of the songs were about you, and I had to relive them while writing. It was too hard and uh, yeah."
"You caused yourself that pain, Harry."
"I know, I have nobody to blame but myself. That doesn't mean that I wasn't still hurting because of it. I regret cheating on you more than anything Bella. If I could take it all back I would."
"But you can't. I can't feel bad for you, I'm sorry but you caused this pain. I still haven't forgiven you Harry, and I;'m not sure I ever will." I said, standing up and grabbing my phone from the night stand. "Thank you for making sure I was safe, I'll have someone contact you about my car. Send me the bill and I'll pay you back." I walked towards the door.
"Please don't leave Bella, there's still so many things I need to say," He pleaded, tears threatening to spill once again.
"Some things are better left unsaid, Harry." I replied, leaving him alone in the hotel room and tears poured from my eyes. Memories of the night I left him filled my mind, feeding the sadness that was creeping in on me.
Once again, I was filled with the deep lingering feeling of loneliness as I left Harry, praying that this wouldn't become a recurring thing.
