Chapter 34: Unfocused

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You let your feet run wildTime has come as we all, oh, go downYeah but for the fall, ooh, myDo you dare to look him right in the eyes?

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You let your feet run wild
Time has come as we all, oh, go down
Yeah but for the fall, ooh, my
Do you dare to look him right in the eyes?

It's true what people say: 'Emotions fuck up everything'.

With no Caden to worry about and nothing to care about, my goal was just like a simple straight line. I just needed to get to Ryan somehow, confront him, and then it will all be over. All of this will be over. Blues murder will be solved, I get to move on with my life.

It does make me a little annoyed that I didn't get to see Blue after our kiss that day.

Ah, Blue, Blue, Blue, Boohoo

My mind has been focused on one thing these days. About the lady in my nightmares. The one who holds me down to the car seat and tells me not to fight it. There's something so familiar about her but at the same time, I don't know her.

I walked into the school bathroom.

As I went in, I saw Caden washing his hands. We looked at each other for not even a second when he broke the eye contact. The light sarcastic Caden never breaks eye contact. Never. But we all know I wasn't ready to confront him about anything at all. I just turned around and walked out straight to the classroom. Even though I had to pee but I was not ready for the awkward silence between us. And you know what, I don't care. I don't. I'm tired of caring, sharing, praying.

I sat on my seat and mere seconds later, Ryan comes in and sits on his seat. I watch as he takes out the book from his bag, how he plays with his half sharped yellow pencil with the eraser chewed off because he's bored.

Why bored? His friends are all in his classes. Weird that he only hangs out with them during PE or lunch.

Do something, Ryan. Anything. Make a move. Make a mistake. Do something! Let me catch you red-handed and let me torture you-

Woah, what am I thinking?

Yes, even I scare myself with my thoughts sometimes.

The bell rings and Caden walks right in, taking his seat beside me. I know he glanced at me. I can feel it. Ignoring, I laid my head on the table and rested for a while until the teacher comes. I needed this. Even five minutes of sleep is a blessing these days.

(PLAY SONG)

I opened my eyes. The seatbelt clipped across me as I was paralyzed inside the Jeep again. Suddenly, boney arms wrap around me and I hear the girl again, whispering in my ear "Don't fight it, Sage."

Every time she says that the more I wanna fight it. There wasn't even a way to get out of this. I knew I was dreaming but I was locked in with no way out.

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