Promises (Ninjago's Kai x Reader)

Episode 5 - Reason to Live

Now that we'd caught the train, it would take a few more hours until we finally arrived in Stiix. The conductor allowed us to stay in a freight car that was half full of bags of potatoes. They actually made pretty comfortable pillows, and I planned to take a nap; Kai, however, had other plans.

"Hey Tash," he said, plopping down on the spud bag beside me.

I opened my eyes and glanced at him. "What's up?"

"Can we talk?" His eyes shifted nervously between me and the boys at the other end of the car, who were busy having conversations of their own.

"What about?" I asked, though I had a feeling I already knew.

"About us?"

I sigh deeply, turning my gaze to the ceiling of the freight car. I knew this conversation was coming. I thought about it during my meditation earlier, and I've been dreading it for a long time. I would never be fully ready to have it, but right now is the readiest I'll probably ever be. So, with another, shorter sigh, I sit up and look at him.

"What about us?" I ask.

Kai takes a deep breath and begins. "I wont say I'm sorry again because I know you're tired of that. And I know you'll probably never forgive me because I don't deserve it. But I'm going to do whatever I can to make things better because . . . because I still love you Tasha. And no matter what happens, I think part of me will always love you.

"I acted really stupidly last year. I don't know how to explain what I was thinking or why I did the things I did, said the things I said. Honestly you probably don't want to hear it either. But the point is that I was wrong. I was wrong to think that I didn't want you, or that I didn't need you. Because the truth is, you are the best thing that ever happened to me. And . . . I hope that you can love me too again."

I stay silent for many minutes, absorbing everything he just said. It was a lot to take in, but it wasn't anything I didn't already know from Cole. There are still questions I want answered, still things I need to think about, still people I need to save before I could consider us.

"What was Skylar to you?" I ask.

"Skylar was a fling," he said slowly, carefully. "I think I only liked her because she reminded me of you when we first met. She was mysterious, badass, dangerous. But when I came to realize she would never be you, I sort of lost all feeling for her."

I let that sink in, unsure of what to think of his response. Should I be concerned that he's so willing to move on from her? I mean, he gave her his virginity after knowing her for a few days when he'd already promised it to me.

"Listen, Tasha," Kai continues before I can say anything, "I don't know what you're thinking, I don't know what you're feeling, and I don't know what you want, but I do know what I want. I want it to be about us again. I want it to be you, and I want it to be me, and I want us to be happy. And that all starts with you. Will you give us a try?"

Another long, tense silence. I already knew my answer, I knew what it would be before he even started talking. But how to put into words was the real challenge.

"No."

"No?"

"Look, Kai, you really messed me up.  For nearly a year I was the shell of the person I used to be, all because I lost you. I literally didn't know how to live without you. But now . . . now I'm finally finding my way back to who I used to be. I'm becoming strong again, and I don't mean physically. I've relearned how to stand alone again, I've relearned how to mourn my losses in a healthy way, and I've found my inner peace once again. But everybody's got a reason to live. Everybody's got a dream, a hunger inside. Everybody's got reason to live, and for me, it can't be your love."