The Luna

Forty-two

Atticus stayed true to his command. After our conversation, I haven't been able to leave my room.

Even the invitations to join the Alpha family for meals stopped coming. My guards take turns bringing meals up to me but for the most part, they get taken back untouched.

My appetite hasn't been the same since arriving. Maybe it's my body's way of accepting what's coming or maybe it's my pride refusing anything this pack tries to give me.

I pass the days staring out the windows. My body may be stuck in this prison cell but my mind is hundreds of miles away, at Larkspur.

I wonder if I should write out some sort of will. It wouldn't really make sense to do, considering I don't have any money or assets to leave behind but I do have some last words I'd like to say.

And as I stare out the window I know that if I don't do it now I won't get another chance.

I woke up this morning and just knew that the ceremony would be tonight. It was a feeling similar to deja vu and it has had dread pooling in my stomach. But looking up at the early afternoon sky, all I can see is the moon just above the mountains, ready to take the attention of the sky as soon as the sun sets.

This is what it has all come to.

All the should've, would've, and could'ves running through my mind. In a few hours, my regrets will mean nothing. I will be just another memory; a story of 'there was this one time' and maybe while telling it, they'll wonder briefly if it had meant to me what it did to them.

I like to think they'd know, but just in case, I know exactly what I'm going to do. I move to the door and as soon as I open it, both guards snap their heads to me, blocking me from moving further. As if I would escape using the front door.

"I'd like some paper and a pen please," it's like I'm speaking a foreign language to them as they turn to each other to help each other comprehend.

"I'm not sure Luna," one says, turning back at me with a shrug.

I sigh, rolling my eyes and crossing my arms over my chest.

"What? Are you afraid I'm going to mail something out for help?" my voice is laced with sarcasm but they still look to each other as if that is, in fact, what the concern is, "Oh my gosh, I'm going to die tonight and I would like to write some final words!" I snap.

One of the guards nods slowly, stepping away and returning a minute later with a few sheets of paper and a blue pen.

"Just know Luna, if you're asking to mail anything it won't-"

"Don't worry about that," I snap again, closing the door in his face.

It won't be mailed. Even if I could remember the address, I know Caspian would never allow the letter to be delivered.

So it really isn't for them. It's for me.

A chance for me to get the closure that I want, even if they never read it. At least somewhere, the words are there from me.

I stare at the blank page in front of me, wondering if I should write it like a letter or a diary page. But again, I guess it doesn't really matter if I don't expect it to be read.

Jax, Emily, Harper, Axe, and all of Larkspur...

I'm sorry. I wish those weren't the only words that keep repeating in my head right now. But they are.

I'm sorry that I allowed my emotions to override everything my heart was telling me. I fought against my instincts on who to trust and wasted time on stupid things when I could have just spent my final weeks happy.