Hell's Book of Random One-shots

Regrets in the Aftermath - Sheriff Hassan - Midnight Mass

(Warning: Canon divergence and spoilers for Midnight Mass.)

Once the screams had died down all that filled the air was the crackling of fire and the gentle lapping of water against the shore.

My eyes were trained on the horizon, a boat gradually drifting out of sight and taking Leeza and Warren to safety, hopefully.

Heat from the large fired prickled my back but I made no effort to move, not with a weakened sheriff leaning against my shoulder.

His breathing was shallow enough and my jacket was already soaked in fresh blood, I feared that he wouldn't see noon and moving him would only cut that time shorter.

He'd already been on the brink of death once I'd found him, his face ashen and his chest unmoving.

What had pushed me to try any form of resuscitation on someone likely so far gone?

I couldn't say.

Desperation, most likely.

False wishes of a dear friend making it through with me.

The need to not be left alone on this island after the madness.

Selfish, really, but I hadn't spent hours fighting for my life or hiding from the nutty religious lot to die alone in this God forsaken place.

Though, was it truly anymore selfish than the Monsignor's actions?

Perhaps I was no better than him.

"Man, I hate this place," I mumbled, though it still came out sounding too loud in the relative silence.

A sudden sharp intake of breath to my right made me jump, my shoulders flinching and a light gasp escaping me as sheriff Hassan started to stir.

Turning my head as best as I could, I watched as his eyes blinked open, likely having to be cleared of bleariness given the state I'd found him in.

"I see that you're back with us, by some miracle."

There was a long pause of silence, not that I was fully anticipating a reply.

Eventually, I felt a light force against my shoulder as he pushed himself up with a pained scoff, his hand coming to the wound that I'd managed to haphazardly wrap up.

It had been dumb, misplaced wishing but apparently it had worked out.

Somehow.

"I'll be glad if I never heard that word again."

Finding myself awkwardly staring at him, I frowned and lifted my hand, hesitating a moment before resting it on his forearm, which was still disturbingly cold.

"I'm so sorry."

He didn't turn his head towards me, he simply kept his eyes trained on the water.

There was no sadness in his eyes, no hatred, he simply looked numb.

"Don't be," he eventually replied, his mouth set in a thin line. "I don't think I ever saw you set foot in that church, you had nothing to do with this."

"I almost did, I was so curious."

"Count yourself lucky, I wish I hadn't, wish I could have helped Ali, maybe if I had pushed harder..."

"You can't blame yourself for that," I said, looking to the pile of clothes on my left for a flickering moment before having to turn away again. "What happened wasn't normal, none of us but the Monsignor could have stopped it."

A bitterness grew in my chest and I had to swallow it down, the repugnance mixing terribly with the ridiculousness into a concoction of vitriol towards the man who only seemed to have good intentions for his congregation.

May he be able to face his God and tell them how he'd blindly taken that thing as an angel.

"I saw you both, you prayed with him to the end, he couldn't have asked for a better dad."

My throat tightened and I felt tears beginning to build in my eyes.

"Few of them ever respected you enough," I continued, my hand sliding down to take his and link our fingers, "they didn't deserve your kindness and your life, Ali's life, shouldn't have been given for their sake."

The mean thoughts were spewing out now, the dark ponderings I'd kept to myself for as long as he'd been here.

How many times had I wished for Beverly Keane to be struck down in the most horrific way?

My eyes looked over Ali's ashes to Bev's and I felt nothing but pure spite that it was less than what she deserved.

I hoped she was burning in Hell for her part in all of this, I couldn't what role she played but I knew her well enough to know that any lengths wouldn't have been long enough for her.

"So, we'll see this through, we'll get off this cursed island together."

He nodded slowly, starting to tip to one side again.

Reaching over with my free arm, I placed my hand on his right shoulder and pulled him back towards me, back onto my shoulder so that he could continue to rest.

Hopefully just for the time being.

Though, as I watched the water shimmer in the growing sunlight with tears rolling down my cheeks, I feared it would be the last time I got to speak to him and I hadn't gotten out the one thing I truly wanted to say.