Don't Let Him Take Me

Raw

(Maya's POV*)

When I arrived at Carisi's house, Rollin's came in. I was wearing a gray T-shirt that had NYPD on it, and black sweatpants. 

"So, I have a spear bedroom down the hallway to the right. You can stay in there. If you want, you can go shower, I put pajama's in there by the door." Carisi said then he noticed the cuts.

"What happened?" He asked as he picked up my wrist and examined the gauze.

"Nothing." I whispered as I pulled away not looking at him.

"Maya, we are going to talk about this." He said, as I walked down the hallway into the spear room. I put my bags next to the full sized bed and walked out to the bathroom.

I got undressed and hopped into the shower. I turned the water on and I came out ice cold. I jumped back and turned the water up to very hot until It couldn't get any hotter.

I used the scrub that he gave me and rubbed very hard until my skin was raw. My legs stung because of the heat, but I didn't care. I felt tears escape my eyes. I wiped each one away and scrubbed even harder.

I finally stopped because my arms had red patches all over them. No matter how hard I try, I don't feel anymore clean.

I step out of the shower and dry off. The smoke blocked the whole mirror up, but I didn't bother to wipe it off, because I don't want to see myself.

I get dressed in a spaghetti strapped shirt and sweat pants. They were large so I rolled the waist band down twice so they fit.

I exited the bathroom and walked out of the bathroom to see Carisi sitting on his couch. He noticed me and motioned for me to sit next to him. I did.

"Where's Amanda?" I asked trying not to let him get a chance to talk about me cutting.

"She left, and we need to talk." He said.

"About?" I asked knowing what he is going to say.

"Maya, you can't cut yourself, I hate seeing you in pain." He replied.

I felt tears fill in my eyes. "It's the only way to get rid of the pain." I said as a tear fell.

"What do you mean?" He asked.

"Every time I close my eyes, even when they are open, I see him, On me, In me, Just hurting me." I said as my bottom lip curled downwards. I could tell he was disturbed by what I just said.

"He can't hurt you anymore." He said leaning forward.

"I know, but, It's like I can feel him, I am not clean. Why couldn't he just keep on punching me, or putting his cigars out in my back, but no, he has to go and touch me down there." I said cautiously in a sob as tears poured down my cheeks.

He winced and before I could say anything else, he pulled me into his arms

I could feel tears pouring out of my eyes as only 2 or 3 escaped silently out of Carisi's eyes.

"I'll keep you safe. Nobody will ever touch you like that again, I promise you that." He calmed me. "But, if you ever cut yourself again, you might as well cut me. Promise me you won't hurt yourself anymore?"

"I promise." I whispered as I calmed down and slowly fell asleep in his arms. I felt him carry me to my bed, and then tuck me in and I realized, I might finally be safe.