What's home, if not the first place you run away from? What's love, if not that unexplainable, blazing feeling which comes after a period of hate?
Reputable for her catchy appearance, her over-niceness, her obsession with cartoon animations and her...
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REM - Everybody Hurts.
~
IF THERE'S ONE THING I FEAR, it's death. In fact, it's at the top of my list. Followed by cockroaches, and then, lizards.
Marriage is probably fourth.
I discovered my thanatophobia when one of my father's sisters died when I was ten. I was so angry at the doctor who proclaimed her dead because I thought he didn't care about her like I did and that's why he didn't put in any effort to save her. That's one of the reasons which fueled my desire to become a doctor.
Right now however, I'm just like that doctor. I've caused insurmountable pain to a family. I took someone from them. I killed someone.
I don't like this. I specialized in the one section of Medicine that has a low mortality rate - if not the lowest - because I can't handle killing people.
I'm proud to say that I've never lost a patient since I started practicing. I've seen lots of dead bodies in the hospital. I've seen and spoken with many patients who ended up leaving this world. But none of them were mine.
All the surgeries I've been involved in have all gone smoothly, that's probably why I'm so successful at my young age. I am obedient, intelligent, responsible and I follow every rule in the doctor handbook.
Every rule, except one apparently.
One rule.
Do not get attached to your patient.
I broke that rule to pieces.
I got attached to my patient and attracted to her brother.
Every doctor has their own way of dealing with trauma. Some take drugs before a surgery for morale. Some take drugs after so they don't go crazy with the goriest of nightmares. I'm in the latter department. Sometimes, I can't sleep without insomnia pills.
It's always the same procedure when I see the lifeless bodies of people who were promised life in the beginning. My blood would run cold and I'd have nightmares for days. If I can't sleep because the nightmares are much, I pop a Temazepam pill, cross my fingers and let it do its job.
As I regard the poignant scene in front of me, guilt, pain, and devastation swallow me whole. Looks like I'm going to take two pills tonight.
Marble headstones, clouds saturated with evaporated tears, a small crowd made up of at least thirty people dressed in black. Amongst them stands a wailing man.
God, maybe I shouldn't have done that surgery alone. Maybe I wasn't as ready as I'd thought.
I stand at a distance, far from the Ravenyard Cemetery, hidden behind a large oak tree so no one - especially Mr. Ash - will see me, but close enough to see the funeral of Mrs. Taylor.
