From The Bottom Of My Heart

I Apologize ; From The Bottom Of My Heart

Dear Beautiful Book, 

I still think about my days in 6th grade everyday, yesterday, after shutting down my laptop and sitting outside, I was thinking bout how boring my life has been and if anybody will even read this story. If you do, then thank you, I appreciate it. I want this book to be relatable to all those people who are my age or my generation, this book is just here to express my feelings, telling yall about how I feel and that's the reason why it consists of simple language. 

I remember, back in 6th grade, all I got in English was either a F or an E which was disappointing since I worked as hard as I could for higher grades. My teacher told me that the main reason was because of my use of simple language so I tried to make my writing better using more complex words, but she was never satisfied with my work. 

Anyways, in 6th grade, Education wasn't the problem since I was only failing in English and maths, my relationship with my classmates was the problem. Me, Nikki and Tina started to hang out a lot, we became really close and Tina even invited me to her house for a sleepover. That was my first time ever going to a house for a sleepover, mostly because Tina's mother requested my mother for it. I wasn't the only one though, she also invited people from the other section, so it was me, Tina, Nikki (who came late) and Dia, all together. 

Dia was a popular tiktoker, so naturally, we made a few tik toks and had the time of our life that day. I remember my friends teasing me about how I spoke in my in my sleep which did bother me. Anyways, I felt lonely and left out since Dia, Nikki and Tina seemed to be getting along well. I wanted to leave as soon as possible, but I ended up staying even after the event, maybe for a day or two. It wasn't that fun, but it was alright i guess. I just played with Tina's dog, 'Arrow' all day.

Soon, my parents came to pick me up and I had never been so relieved, I still remember, while getting down the elevator, Tina asked me to never stan kpop cause it was cringe. I actually AGREED with her. How stupid I was. 

I went home that day and fell fast asleep with no fear of people judging me behind my back, about my weight, my talking in my sleep habit, etc, but, I was wrong. When I woke up the next the, my mother told me that her colleague thought I was fat, which was rather rude. My entire life changed because of that one person who decided to judge my body. My mother started to go hard on me, asking me to improve my appearance and lose weight. Here's the thing, I wasn't very fat, just a little chubby and she didn't like that. I didn't care about it first and decided to not change myself, but her words made me insecure and made me lose all my confidence. 

The next day, I went to school feeling all insecure and pulling my coat closer to hide my body from people, of course, my friends never noticed that. When I reached my class, I found Tina and Nikki in the middle of an argument with Shannon and Hailey supporting Tina. The whole argument was about how Nikki was selfish and rude. The girls decided not to talk to her at all and advised me not to talk to her either... but that was mean... I knew how it felt to be left out... how it felt to be lonely, so I decided to keep talking with her no matter what anybody said, and that's how we became really good friends. 

But one thing about life is that if a few days are happy, then the rest are sad. Most people do not seem to realize that. After a few days, Nikki had a serious conversation with me, asking me to stop hanging out with her AND Tina and to only pick one of them. I thought for a while before picking Nikki since she seemed to be all alone, but she asked me to just pick Tina and kinda forced me to. I had no choice and I started hanging out with Tine.

One day when I asked her about what happened and why they fought, Tina told me that Nikki ate a bag of chips that I brought for Tina since she gave me her lunch when I forgot mine. That bag of chips caused a fight that lasted for MONTHS! So technically, the fight was caused by me. 

We all ignored Nikki for months and nobody spoke to her or sat beside her. She sat all alone in the middle of the class with her own table. I swear I saw her crying and venting to a guy, lets call him... Leo, so her and Leo were pretty close and she'd vent to him everyday. He'd comfort her, confused about why we were fighting. Now that I think about it, I am too actually, why would anybody in their right mind fight for a bag of chips? That's messed up. 

One day, during recess, we were allowed to eat in Alpha since most of the people in my class aka Beta, were absent from school. All the girls sat in Alpha while the guys hung out in my original class. We had a meeting there to discuss our issues with Nikki and this girl called Amanda, who is probably the sweetest and the most prettiest girl I ever met, acted as the judge.

We still couldn't make up after discussing our issues and we went back it class. It was maths and I remember being scared cause I didn't do my homework. When my teacher found out, she removed points for my group. You may be wondering what group, well, we were made to sit in groups during maths period and there were 4 members in each group, every time somebody did something good like get an A on their test or do amazing in their homework, they would get more points, but every time somebody forgot to do their homework or failed a test, the group would get minus point. 

My group consisted of Tina and two males who groaned after losing point, I swear I even saw them glare and hate me for it. Every Tuesday, our groups would get shuffled and the group with the highest points would be awarded with pens or chocolates or just a shout out at the assembly in front of every single person in our school, the losing group would get free scoldings from Mrs. P which was honestly the scariest thing on Earth. 

Anyways, that day, Tina, me, Nikki and Leo were paired together, but Tina refused to cooperate and asked me to not cooperate either. I listened to her for some reason and Mrs. P noticed how none of the girls would speak to Nikki. She asked us why and we explained everything. She asked the guys in the class if they understood anything and when the guys said no, I realized that this fight was pointless. I was the first one to hug Nikki and after class actually started, the girls sent me a note asking if I would talk to Nikki after this. I ticked on the yes option and sent it back to them. They looked at me disgusted.

I started talking to Nikki and Tina again and I also sat beside her.  I thought things had been sorted out but I was wrong. Me and Amanda went to the cafeteria together since she forgot her lunch once and there, she asked me about my parents love story and I trusted her before telling her. I don't remember everything and things are a blur, but we went to this place to perform something and Amanda told everyone about my parents and stuff, she took my permission of course, but then, the girls started to judge me.

I was so scared I didn't know what to do. Tina even told me that she told my mother and my mother knew now. My parent's love story isn't exactly sunshine and rainbows, so I was very scared, I couldn't even perform well cause Tina told my mother, but later on I figured out that she told me that just to scare me and she never told anybody. I still don't know why she would be doing that. 

The next day in school, I told Amanda that I lied about everything and from then onwards, she got mad at me. I can't blame her to be honest and she called me a liar every time she saw me. So I would like to apologize from the bottom of my heart, apologize to all the people I've hurt and lied to, apologize for bein such a horrible friend. I'm sorry.