There is No Epic Loot Here, Only Puns

17: Along Came A Spider

Waddles quacked a few times as Delta spoke aloud. He was a rather chill bird once he was left alone to swim and not say, being summoned into a pit of mud by an annoyed wizard. Delta guessed that was only fair.

"So, I dunno what I should do next. I mean I definitely need to aim for the second floor," Delta mused and Waddles seemed to agree.

François cleared his throat.

"Seconds floor would be good. More space to build and make more protection," he nodded. Delta agreed, trying not to blush as she had a perfectly good talking partner right there. Delta stood, blowing out a sigh at her 16 mana. She could do a few things like place the traps or a tower and a trap...

Walking around her dungeon, she saw as the entrance hadn't budged from the spot it had been in before. But she saw the ground go down... and the door went down.

Did the second half go up or did the first half go down? Her menu said she definitely moved the first part down...

Delta just let that go and chalked it up to funky dungeon space again. Hob and Gob came running into the entrance and Delta was a little sad they didn't stop to see her signs.

It came clear why as a spider about size of a donkey came rushing in after them.

"Holy fu-" Delta cut herself off as the goblins began to grow again, power returning to them. Hob waved his sword. Dropping his bucket of goods. Delta was only barely aware of her mana hitting 29 due to the approaching nightmare on eight legs.

The spider made Delta's spiders look like puppies. The drooling large fangs and black void-filled eyes, Delta didn't even know why she noticed her mana grow-

Wait. Delta eyed the bucket and its fading goods. There was something in her dungeon, why was her...

Delta could still open a menu.

"Oh my Gosh," Delta whispered as Hob took a swipe with his sword again as Gob took out an eye with one of his stones.

"HP bar?" Delta waved her hands, her mind was going blank. Her friends were about to be eaten by a big evil spider! It didn't even have a white line around its butt which made Delta's spiders cooler!

Nothing happened so Delta gave up on forcing video game mechanics to appear for now and tried to think of what she could do. She couldn't do much besides give Hob and Gob stone weapons, and she wasn't sure how much mana she would need to upgrade them both and give them proper weapons.

"Run! Just run towards the camp!" Delta ordered and the gobs hesitated then took off, the spider hissing like a coarse brush hitting a brick wall.

Delta moved with them and almost froze as the spider tumbled, all 8 legs, over the tripwire, becoming covered in the silver web as it crashed into the far wall. She couldn't believe that worked.

"What happened?!" Delta shouted and Hob just yelled back as he turned the corner.

"Waiting for us!" he panted. Well, that wasn't good.

Delta opened her menu and map and saw that if the spider didn't spontaneously combust, drop dead, piss off Waddles and drown or have some new world allergic reaction to mud then her first option would to be...

She mashed the confirm button on her purchase.

The spider ignored the grotto and moved fast down the wall, the hairs on its body refusing to stick to the silver web for long. Her gobs crossed the mud room faster than they had done in any of their previous attempts. They slowed at the sight before them, Delta nearly did to.

There was a splat and a sound like a demon being born. Delta urged her goblins onwards and stared at her purchase. The spider managed to pull itself up and over the far side after a minute.

It froze and Delta just nodded.

"Run away..." she whispered, trying to mentally will the thing to get the hint and the spider hesitated then launched forward. Delta watched as her newly evolved Mushy swung it's large fists down and utterly crushed the front half of the spider's body.

The Myconid was the second evolutionary path of the Mushroom Spitter. It lost its acid, it's ability to strike from the shadows and a lot of reaction time if caught unaware.

In return, it grew short solid legs and rather beefy arms. They were effective beyond Delta's expectations. Standing somewhere just short of 6 feet tall, the large mushroom had a round soft-looking belly and no longer had a mouth.

Instead, the beady eyes became soft and curious as it lifted its hand and tried to shake the green goo off that was quickly melting away.

Oh, it also seemed that in return for its physical power, the Mushy lost its hatred for everything and became somewhat fascinated by it instead evidenced by the way it was poking Gob curiously. Delta was trying to take this all in. Her mind supplying little things to keep her mind from screaming. Perhaps the fact she had just been invaded and the thing did not want to talk?

Maybe because it had shown how powerless Delta could feel until they hit her mudroom? Or maybe it was, despite all of Delta's big talk, violence still was the end result?

Maybe it was because she hadn't seen anything bigger than a bird die before her eyes? She had refused to look at the farmer's death... but she made this choice and now she had to deal with it. All of this sounded very logical and understandable and it was all very neat.

Delta hiccuped as her dungeon ate the kill.

"Monsters are not mans," Francois said as he exited the grove, shooing at the Guardian Boar who was trying to nibble at his robes.

"Monsters contain hatred. It becomes will to live with gobs. With spider it becomes hunger. Hatred makes monsters different from animals. Animals fight or run, monsters can do those too, but they also think and remember. Monsters can eat mana as well. Master is powerful and draws them... as well as boneheads," François snapped and smacked both Hob and Gob with his staff.

Delta just looked at the spot where the spider was.

"Do all monsters hate?" Delta had to ask as her newly named Mr Mushy picked Francois up and put him on his cap hat. François' face soured.

"Not all. That more monsters evolve or grow, the less hate holds sway. I not know if monsters can free themselves or just live with it. When monsters grow big enough, then hating is a choice," François swatted at Mr Mushy's attempts to pet him, it looked odd as the mushroom couldn't see where the goblin was exactly.

"What about my dungeon monsters?" Delta needed to know and Francois just grinned.

"When I was born, I feel need to protect, not hate," he said casually and steered the Mr Mushy onwards to the Grove.

Delta felt relief at that and then, unsure if she truly wanted to know, asked Francois one more question.

"Can you befriend monsters?" she wanted to know. Her question was delightfully cliche and Delta felt no shame in it.

François just shrugged.

"If Master wants it, she will find a way. I am confident in your power," he complimented. Delta felt a little touched at the comment and moved to keep up.

Compared to all her terrible mushroom experiences so far, Mr Mushy was just adorable. If all her mushrooms could just be as cute as the Myconid then Delta would be a lot happier. Looking at him, she watched as the boar squealed and fled from the stomping odd the cheerful mushroom man.

He looked like a fun guy. Delta snorted and giggled which made Hob and Gob looked confused. François was too busy trying to avoid the mushrooms that hit him in the face as his impromptu steed ran out of control.

Delta turned and looked towards her entrance.

This wouldn't be the last time she would have to kill. Delta just had to accept that life wasn't going to bend and let her avoid the messy parts of being a dungeon. Hatred would drive monsters to seek her out, if Francois was right.

Delta just nodded with determination. As long as she got not enjoyment for it and didn't lure them in, then Delta wouldn't cry for the monsters that died.

Delta looked at the tunnel where the last of the spider faded, tiny green splotches of blood. She clasped her hands together, a little prayer in her head.

Maybe now... the spider didn't feel the hatred and that was one tiny comfort Delta could take in from this.