KAYLA ROSE [UNDER EDITING]

Chapter 10

I broke my promise, I continued avoiding everyone. I can tell as the days go by an attack is coming, sooner or later. The twins have noticed so has Fiona and mum, but they're all giving me the time and space I need.

With Fiona, it's just been our study sessions excluding the chit-chats she normally tries to have. The twins have figured out I need my space, so they say hi whenever we're at school and then don't interact again.

The space they've given has also brought another issue on me, not being surrounded by them brought back those thoughts, the ones I struggled to get rid off.

They're back and they consume my mind each day, the drugs aren't helping with my sleeping issues either.

I'm currently in front of my bathroom mirror, staring at my reflection. The girl I see looks so broken, lost, distraught, and she has been this way for a long time now.

My reflection brings me to tears, it's been a while since I faced my true self. The part of me that isn't just anxious about every single day, but the one who believes she's a mistake, that she broke her family, the world would be better without her, that was who I saw in the mirror.

It's Wednesday, forcing myself out of bed was how far I could go until now. It's been almost 30 minutes since I walked into the bathroom, yet I can't seem to be fazed.

The buzzing sound from my alarm jolts me into the reality, and yet I remain immovable.

After a few minutes of wallowing in my sorrows, I finally find the strength to get into the shower.

Soon, I'm dressed and ready to leave when my phone rings in my pocket.

"Hey Kayla, how're you doing?"

"I'm good"

"I think I forgot my book at your house, I'm coming to get it."

"Oh ok, sure I'm still home."

"I'll be there in a few"
She responds hanging up.

I walk into the kitchen to some breakfast, taking a deep breath abruptly, I try calming the racing thoughts that have consumed my mind. But it's of no use. The tightness in my chest intensifies, making it hard to draw in air. Each breath feels shallow, insufficient. My heart hammers against my ribcage, threatening to burst out any moment. I try telling myself it's just my anxiety again, but the fear grips me with such force that rationality takes a backseat.

The world around me begins to blur, as if a veil has been cast over my eyes. The sounds of birds chirping and raindrops morph into a symphony of chaos. The vibrant colours if the room now seem too bright, assaulting my senses, and I can't help but feel trapped in a nightmare.

My hands start trembling uncontrollably, a visible manifestation of the inner turmoil that's raging within me. The perspiration gathers on my forehead, my hands feeling clammy and cold.  I clutch onto the edge of the table, searching for something solid amidst the overwhelming dread that threatens to consume me completely.

My thoughts race, an endless loop of catastrophic scenarios playing out in my mind. The what-ifs pile up crashing against each other, forming a wall of uncertainty threatening to topple on top of me.

Time itself seem to stretch and contract, playing tricks on my perception. A minute feels like an eternity, while seconds fly by in a blink. Tears well my eyes, blurring my vision even further. A sense of helplessness washes over me, followed by a wave of panic. I gasp for air, squeezing my eyes shut, hoping to shut the world out and some semblance of solace, at last I'm consumed by the darkness.

                 ______________________ 

My mind is in a loop, finding Kayla on the cold tile scared me. As much effort I put in attempting her to regain consciousness, yet all proved futile.