Old Money, New Love

Choke

Sophie :

'It was lovely meeting you Sophie.' Lucia pulled me into a tight hug. 'You too. I'm so happy that I got to know you.' I shared a dimpled smile with her. 'Aw, aren't you a darling. Make sure to take care of Noah for me.' Lucia blew me one last kiss before shutting the door of their limousine.

I watched as Noah said his final goodbyes to his brother. I wish I had that.

Once his brother had returned to the limousine, he kind of just stood there. 'Noah?' I called from the steps I stood on.

Noah turned around, but didn't move. He looked as if he was thinking about something, I recognise that look from my mom when she's disputing with herself on what to make for dinner. All before his bubble burst and he started walking up to me. 'We should go. It's late.' He says, offering out his hand. I took it surprised by his gesture.

'I love your parents!' I skip along to catch up with him.
'I think they love you too.' He rolls his eyes smirking.
'You didn't eat very much.' Noah mentions as we walk up the steps to my dorm. 'Oh. I had a late lunch, that's why.' I respond, painting over my insecurities.

He was hesitant to reply. I knew he was catching on to what I was doing, but I would hide it for as long as I could. If anybody knew they would only see me in that way, and I just don't want to live a life of insecurities.

I slipped behind my door, about to close it when he says 'goodnight Sophie.' 'Thank you for this.' I say, closing the gap, and locking the door.

Moments later, I felt a acidic rise in my throat. My first instinct is to force it back down, but the pressure was making me choke, leaving me no choice but to let it out the other way. I burst open the door to my bathroom, hunching over the toilet and spewing out all of the contents I consumed over dinner.

Tears drip out of my eyes as I stick a curled finger into the back of my mouth, retching out the rest. I flush the toilet, and rinsed my hands under the cold sink water.

Later on, once I had cleaned myself up, I decided to take some time to clean my room. It's been a mess lately. Especially since I've been running around, doing different things all day every day. It could use a little glow up.

I dished my books on the desk aside, shuffling any pens or homework assignments into one pile. Just as I was about to put them into a binder, I noticed something slipped out of the wad. It was a polaroid picture. It was of me and mom at our dining table. I remember that day very vividly.

It was my birthday, and since dad was in prison at the time, he couldn't attend my mini celebration. So instead he sent a Polaroid camera. It must've costed him much, I was just so happy that he even remembered the occasion.

To be honest I would give anything to relive that moment. Now whenever I think of that dining room, I think of how scared I was cowering in the corner as Mom threw her wine glass in my direction.

Things just aren't the same anymore.

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

Pain melted into my lower back as I failed to land my toe loops for the second time. I slid across the ice on my butt, burying my face in my hands.

'Look Sophie. The Glacial sports season tour starts tomorrow and test skates in two weeks. I know you've just come from the infirmary but you need to pick up the slack.' Madame Angpol whispered into my ear, patting my shoulder.

Tears filled my eyes for, also the second time today, disappointed in myself. You need to try harder Sophie. 'Why don't you take a breather?' She sighs, knowing I probably won't pass if I continue this way.

Something in my head keeps on telling me that I need to face reality. No matter how much I starve myself I'll always be ugly. Inside and out. I know I can't do anything right.

'No! I need to do this. I need to get it right.' I bolted up, reapplying my smile attempting to push the thoughts aside, although internally all I hear is the exact opposite on repeat. 'Are you sure?' The Russian vanishes from her accent as her expression softens. 'Yes. Thank you for your support.' I nodded politely, skating to the centre of the rink to re start my routine.

As soon as the tune of Voilà fills my ears, I take off skating my best with grace and precision. I land my first two jumps, awaiting to get my quadruple toe loop right. Once I had reached the right beat, I took off with as much energy I had left. Just to result the same, once more. This time, the tears did fall. I quickly wiped them away, saving myself from further humiliation.

Now I understood why all those girls make fun of me. How can I expect people to like me when I'm too emotional, sensitive, and quite literally useless.

Madame Angpol dismissed me to the spectating area. As soon as I sat down, my fragile curtain of a smile melted away. I was literally crying my eyes out where everyone could see. So embarrassing..

I had to make it. I had to. Maybe I needed to try harder, or eat less to be lighter. I don't know but either way I had to make it through test skates.

'Are you okay Soph?' Henry's face and red hair hung from above me. I squealed in surprise, fixing my face and trying to suppress my hiccups.

'Oh come on, you don't need to be perfect in front of me.' He reached down and gave me a hug. 'Don't stress yourself out. It sucks blaming yourself. Trust me, I know, it doesn't feel good.' He sat himself down next to me.

'It's just so hard.' I sniffled, wiping my runny nose. 'Sophie, don't say that. You're probably better than me in most things. I can't even do my homework, and I know you write those excessively long essays Bellerose, don't lie to me.' Somehow Henry always makes me laugh. Even in the worst situations, he always shines like a walking sun.

'Thanks Hen. I really needed that.'

A/N : henry is THE boy best friend of this book. Thanks. Two more later tonight..

-melody