A husband's regret

Episode 15

Mumbai

India

Rudra felt unnaturally vulnerable. He had acted like a love struck teen back there, hadn't he?

There was a familiarity to Bhavani he couldn't exactly lay a finger on. An endearing chemistry was there, so was a hopeless destiny. He had tied his fidelity to Ganga. She was the one since her love had conquered him.

And to imagine anyone else could fight for the special place in his heart?—Impossible.

He and Bhavani had no future. If Ganga ever entered his life, he would choose her over him. To add one more bleak factor, his father had a strict conservative mindset. Rudra wasn't sure how he would react to his newfound homosexual sentiments.

He sighed.

There were a hundred reasons piled up to prevent his heart from falling in the ditch of so called love.

Despite it he wanted to.

A part of him would love to uproot everything he had known so far and choose the cause he was aching for. The yearning he should chose over regret and guilt. He gulped in raw wariness.

It would be a terrifying nightmare. Or a liberating reality?

For the past one hour, the phone on bedside table was tempting him to dial a number he had memorized by heart. It was a simple wish to hear him one last time before sleep would engulf him. His hands itched to grab it. 

He grabbed the device and dialed those forbidden ten digits, leaning back against the cushioned headboard. No one would pick up a random call in the dead of night. It was a reassuring but disappointing fact. His calm face was fixated towards the glowing ceramic lamp. Its usual soft golden light reminded of normalcy. 

"Hello?" Guess, Bhavani had a tendency to defy norms.

A rich blend of adrenaline and dopamine began pumping in his veins. He was in a beautiful trouble as he clenched his fists. The dreamy voice sent pleasurable flutters.

What was he supposed to do now?

"Hello? Who is this?" The unsure inquiry was accompanied by shuffling disturbances. Rudra was apprehensive to reply until,

"Look if it's a prank I'm gonna cut—"

"—It's me," His tongue was arid and sandy. He added in a raspy voice, "Rudra."

There was a tense pause on the other side. If only he could had crashed his skull instead, perhaps he could had avoided initiation of an unsettling conversation.

"I'm sorry."

He frowned, clueless, but decided to play along. "For?"

"Everything." There was a sigh. "I know I was uncooperative, rude and...I'm not usually unpredictable and hormonal. It was..."

His breath hitched in anticipation.

"Scary? I don't know. It was all existing emotions at once. It happens—"

"As an aftermath of manifestation, hm?" He filled in quietly.

There was a heavy silence. "W-why?"

Rudra glanced down, genuine eyes rich in emotions. This why had no answer. It itself wasn't a specific query.

However he felt it was something for Bhavani. His gut told him it was a make or break moment. He had to tread carefully now. "I won't repeat it," A tense minute later, he expected an inquisitive query to be raised however when it wasn't, he added, "I won't, impose on you next time."

He felt obliged to apologise, a self driven compulsion to convince the other but he ignored it.

"I don't like being dictated." There was a pause and a chuckle. "No free man in a free country does."

"First hand experience." His lips quirked up at his own humor. It was one of its first. Humor never entertained him much, except for bantering with his brothers.

There was a suppressed chuckle. It sounded awkward like the other person was attempting to be careful. "So uhm..it means we'll meet again?"

Rudra had almost uttered forever when he bit his tongue and replied. "I have to. You haven't cleared my doubts yet."

One more pause. "I see."

It was tinged with defeating exhaustion, as if Bhavani had no more strength left to utter another word.

A tragic smile broke across his lips in the strangling atmosphere. It would be in best interests of Bhavani to stay away from him. It would do neither of them good, considering how only Ganga was the one he had chosen.

Was it really what he wanted though? He ran a hand through his hair to distract himself. His dark clothes were as opaque as his blank mind now. 

The shuffling on the other end increased. "Tomorrow evening then?"

His brows pulled together in concentration.

"A meeting between you and me on beachside? I'll tell you all I know and you can have your, answers."

He nodded even though he wanted to drop his act of nonchalance and do something, anything to reignite the spark between them. "Sounds like a plan. Where though?" He added in a blink of eye, "you weren't comfortable at Rene's."

A tense pause and there was a thoughtful hum. "Un how about beachside along Sunshine cafe? Speaking of which that was kinda expensive suit, the one I'd ruined, my bad. I was in a hurry at that time, didn't realise who was walking in my direction when I collided. I haven't properly apologized for that and your white shirt too. On a civil note, both damages were your fault not mine. But my aunt told me how saving me took a toll on your shirt for which I feel bad, absolutely, like things aren't that.."

He smiled unbeknownst to himself as the rambling went on. It felt nice to not be gawked at like a means for ulterior motives. It was a heart warming moment where Bhavani worried about him, irrespective of his invincible reputation. It made him yearn for something, again.

"It shouldn't—"

"—6:30 then." He interjected with a finality.

"Yes, of course, goodnight," All was spoken in three breathless pauses.

Was he flustered?

"Night." Rudra had a mind to end the call however something was missing. "Is there anything else you want to say?"

"Me? Uhm..no?"

He exhaled through his nose. "Say it."

"Sleep some more."

His eyebrows shot up in surprise.

There was a violent shuffling. "Your handsome face can't hide a fact, dark circles. Barely noticeable but there, so yeah, sleep well...uhm sweet dreams." The call hung up before he had a chance to reply.

Astonished, he stared at the phone in his hands.

Damn.

The more he replayed their unexpected conversation, the more cupid intensified.