I laugh as I walk down to the shore, holding the heels of my shoes as I walk far enough for the cool water to rush around my ankles. It's funny how life works out. I never pictured myself to be the girl outside the party, thinking about my life choi...
There is a certain level of satisfaction in doing the wrong thing. As sick as it sounds, it feels refreshing when doing something that will hurt someone else that will cause them so much pain.
When Cleo and I first met, the thing that made her choose me out of all the other girls at school to be her best friends was the fact that that was who I was. I took satisfaction in the pain others felt, I loved the game of messing with words. Twisting each sentence, each word just to hurt a single person. I loved the feeling, the exhilarating high I got when I saw the pain in their eyes.
She saw how awful of a person I was.
And when she first met me, it was around the same time that I was fighting a girl named Beth. Beth was a senior when I was merely a freshman, she had a thing for my older brother who had graduated the year prior, and was still harping on the fact they slept together. Well, I wasn't happy. So I played to word game, and it was quite fun messing with a girl that thought I was so adorable, but in reality I was anything but.
Flashback to freshman year
"Sweetie, you think my brother cared that you two slept together?" I ask in a sickly sweet voice. She opens her mouth to respond, but I just smile viciously, "The fact that you are still harping on about it shows how desperate you truly are to get laid." I tell her smirking, and her face is laced with shock.
She was already at a loss for words. This wasn't the first time I back talked person for talking about my family. And thanks to my already acquired reputation, rumors about me being rude and mean had already been floating around for a while. I had a serpents tongue, and it didn't help that I wasn't hanging out with nice people.
I hung out with the boys in the back of the school, the ones that smoked, did drugs, and often skipped class. Rumors around the school was that I was the worst because not only did I do what they did, but the words that came out of my mouth were worse than the punches the boys threw.
And strangely enough I was the bad girl to William's bad boy. We worked, until we didn't. When I met Cleo that was when strings were cut, reality was broken, and personalities lost.
End of flashback
But standing here kissing William Gold, the bad boy of Xavier High, I felt like I did years ago.
I felt free of responsibility, free from the crazy expectations, free from everything that probably should have mattered.
I had the same sick satisfaction and pleasure in doing this, that I had years ago. And not just because it was wrong, it was like it always was, great. But like all good thing, everything must come to an end, and that includes a long missed kiss with the boy that held everything I once was.
A shrill scream, breaks us apart, and we turn to face the crowd of once dancing teens to see the room has gone silent, with their queen standing in the center, a torn look on her face.
I just stand there silently. There is nothing I can do or say that will make this situation any better, everything will only make it worst.
I owe her everything.
She made me everything I am today. I can't say anything.
"Quinn." She says, her voice icy, not quivering, I look down, guilty. "What are you doing with Will?" She asks me sternly, as if I am a five year old being called out for misbehaving. I just continue to look down, too ashamed to look at her and the rest of the crowd that is no doubt staring at me.
"Cleo, Cleo, Cleo, she and I were kissing, it's a common thing that two people do together. Im sure you are fond of this activity." Will says calmly, now standing a few feet ahead of me, partially blocking me from the crowd and Cleo, but not completely.
"I am not asking you Will." She says, pushing her boobs out, trying to look even more seductive to him.
"William. My name is William for people that aren't close to me." He corrects, her jaw going slack but she covers it up with an annoyed expression. "And you are one of those many people who are not close to me." He points at her.
"Quinn. I can't believe you kissed him, even after everything." She said, look straight at me, I can feel her hatred raising.
She made me.
I am the poplar girl I am today because of her.
My parents are proud of me because of her.
I still play soccer because of her.
I am probably getting signed to a college because of her.
She made me the girl I am today.
And I just went against her.
"Quinn look at me!" She screams, and I look at her with tears streaming down my face, and see the basically the entire student body staring back at me.
I would never have cried in front of anyone before her. It shows weakness, and before I would never let anyone see me as weak. And not because of my pride, but because I was not weak.
I see the girl that is the definition of perfection, who made me her equivalent. I see the boy was my part of my demonic past. The crowd of my classmates all just stare at me, some with pity, disgust, sympathy, and a small few with utter confusion.
"Everything you are is because of me." She yells, an evil glint in her eyes, and I stand there taking it. She's right. "Without me, you would be some emo that everyone hates."
I bite my lip and try to force the tears to stop.
"Everything, Quinn, is thanks to me."
And just like that I run out of my own house, pushing and shoving people aside that get in the way. I need air. I need out.
Tears continue to stream down my face as I run towards the lake, breaking down and collapsing on the sand. My knees to my chest, and my head in my hands.
What have I done?
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