Everything She Is ✔️

Chapter 11: I Made Myself Numb

Chapter 11: I Made Myself Numb

Parties have always been a force of habit rather than an activity I really found fun. I mean yes, I do enjoy going. I enjoy the excitement in the air- not the sexual kind, that just gets disgusting after seeing it- but the normal, adrialine rush, everyone is happy, hyped up, and that feeling gives me a high of sorts. I know it's weird but it's true. Not to mention, parties are a great way to forget everything and just be with all my peers.

But there is a reason parties are more a habit than absolute pleasure. I have to force myself, going though a mental war in my mind, to get dresses in party appropriate attire. To forget myself and everything in between, I have to chug down bottle after bottle, cup after cup of aweful tasting alcohol that will never give up burning my insides. I have to force myself to not puke when I see everyone I know having dry sex right were the entire school is. I have to remind myself that it's better this way.

But standing here tonight, in another one of Donovan's great party's, I can't help but sigh in disappointment for not getting wasted before coming over. I have had three mystery cups of alcohol and still nothing more than a slight buzz. The sight of half my class either puking or humping on each other makes me want to puke, but that would mean sacrificing the small buzz that I had.  And I was not ready to relinquish what little numbness I was feeling.

"Now, now, now, what is my favorite girl doing here sipping drinks all alone?" A husky voice whispers in my ear, placing his chin on my shoulder and gripping my hips, pulling be towards him.

I roll my eyes at him and his weirdness, he said almost the exact same thing at my party.

"Now, now, now, what is my favorite bad boy doing here holding a girl he knows he won't get to lay?" I ask him, continuing to stare off into the distance, not bothering to see his reaction, but hearing and feeling his chuckles tells me everything.

"Oh princess, I don't have to lay you, I've already done that so many times before." He chuckles and my cheeks instantly turn bright red, and I stand still. Anger, courses its way through my body. I can't believe he just said that.

"I've had better." I lie, in a voice barely above a whisper, and instantly I feel has grip on my hips tighten as he spins me around to face him.

The look on Will's face and murderous, his eyes narrowed, his jaw tightly clenched, his nostrals flared, and a blue looking vein popping out of the side of his neck. "What did you just say?" He growls out through his clenched teeth. He is going to chip a tooth.

I know I've hit a nerve, its all too clear. But why on earth would he care? He goes around with girls all the time. How is it fair that he can move on, and I can't?

Smirking I decide what to do. He wants to play, let's play.

"I said, I've had better." I say confidently, batting my eyes at him, as an inhuman sound comes from the back of his throat.

"You've been with other guys?" He asks me, his jaw still clenched but his voice strained. I nod, and shrug my shoulders as if it was no big deal, but in reality it is.

Sleeping with someone, having sex, hooking up, each time it's a big deal. It means something, well at least it should. And it does to me, well it did, but after a while it didn't. I mean it's just sex after all. A meaningless activity unless you're doing it with someone important.

He closes his eyes tightly, not letting me go. "Who?"

"I don't kiss and tell."

"How many?"

"Four."

And just like that he lets go of me. He retracts his hands from my waist as if I've burned him, and I know I have. I know I hurt him. And I'm okay with that, as much as it hurts him, it hurts me. He just doesn't see that.