INFATUATED

Chapter-10 : Getting Over It

Zawad's P.O.V.

It's been a week I'm away from Dhaka. After dad passed away, it felt as if the sky fell upon me. I rushed back to my home instantly taking another train. Somehow I am the only one who has to tackle everything, manage all the social rituals and most importantly, be a support to my mom.

She was completely insensate and therefore couldn't talk for two days in shock. I know if I am not here with her now, she will leave leading her regular life and starve to death. I have been trying my best to hold back my own tears to make her feel strong but who will take care of the furcate one in me??

When dad died, my relatives and a lot many people came to see his corpse most of whom I never met in life. A few people came too to repay the loans they had taken from dad and some others claimed to take their money back to whom dad was indebted. Mahmud bhai took care of these very well on behalf of me and introduced me with them. Since I had no mood in these types of matters anymore, I secluded myself from everyone except ma. I had switched off my phone so that I don't have to bear my friends' pity or sympathy. Their condolences will hurt me even more.

Dad has been buried in our backyard. Everyone advised me a thousand times to bury him in the graveyard but my mind just couldn't accept it. My dad in the public graveyard? There is no way I can't let that happen. I can't let my dad leave his home and live in a completely unknown place with unknown people. He will be here, shadowing over us, all the time. I know it seems weird but I just don't care. I will concrete his grave with the most beautiful design I can make as an architect.

The whole house is still filled with my uncles, auntys, cousins, nephews and nieces both from my maternal and paternal sides still now. Grandma is mourning almost like a lunatic at the loss of her eldest son. She kept asking Allah again and again like a kid why she is still alive healthily when her son is not. I hugged her from one side caressing her back. There was nothing I could say to pacify her. It's an anguish that is unexplainable, when my heart wants to bellow but eyes are bound to remain dry.

In the inside I am literally shattered into pieces. Everything in this house is reminding me of dad. His chair, his shoes, his bed, the antiques that he collected as a hobby and so on! Each one bears his touch,his smell,his zest as if he has been here just now. This whole building is grieving as its owner is gone. It's so hard to believe that my father has examinated to such a place from where he will never come back again. Ever.....

I lost my appetite since his death. The past is haunting me like a nightmare and I am too scared to even think about the future. I am trying to be strong for mom but to be honest I need someone's shoulders to lean on too. Someone who will hug me tight and say, "Everything will be alright Abir. Don't you worry."

When the night darkened, I was overflown with tears. Hence I threw away my mug and plate by which our old helping hand Rahima khala brought my food. They annihilated into million pieces in front of me with a loud thud. I'm physically and mentally extremely tired to see the things happening around me. I'm yet to be rigid enough for all the issues I am gonna handle soon which I was never prepared for.

At night for the first time in years, I took out my prayer mat and prayed Isha Salah. Then I couldn't suppress my tears anymore. The mat was completely wet by the stream that overflown my eyes. Pouring the heart to the Almighty Creator, I cried my heart aloud. I prayed to Him again and again for blessing my dad with peace in his grave,making my mom as jovial as before and me to be strong enough to encounter the coming storms.

After all my tears were shed, I came to my bed and fell asleep at once. My mind and body were completely sore to stay awake anymore.

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