The ways we lost him(completed)

Chapter 6

I stared at Sebastian's name and the message he hadn't opened yet. I didn't know what had happened in that meeting but the fact that he wasn't responding gave me the inclination that whatever it was, wasn't good.

Sighing, I pulled on my winter boots deciding I'd find out for myself. I knew, more than the rest of the group just what kind of person Sebastian's father was. He was a confusing man, the kind of person you think you know but then you look back and realize, you really didn't. He was good at that, manipulative but not the endearing kind, not the gradual persuasive kind, the cold brutal and intense kind. I guess it would be more so considered intimidation, he was fierce, and I couldn't tell if he loved to much or too little in that regard.

Stepping out of my house, a little two story white building, I noticed the absence of the sun. There was a large oak tree just outside my gate, normally it would be full of birds, chirping merrily into the air, but today they were scarce and I was met with a deceptive silence. I kept waiting to hear something, a strange disappointment filling my body when I realized there was nothing to listen for. I could feel the brisk chill in the air, it felt heavy today, and weighed down on my body. The brash air stung my lungs as I forced in a breath. I ran towards my car and immediately turned the heat on so I didn't freeze on the way over.

I guessed it would be Sebastian's father that was there as I knew his mother worked day shifts at the hospital and didn't finish until late. That unnerved me more as all the experiences I'd had with his father hadn't given me a very warm impression. He was a very stoic and calculated man, someone you wouldn't want to cross.

However, for Sebastian I was prepared to do exactly that.

He didn't live far from me, so I arrived in good time and parked outside. I could see that his car was in the driveway and prepared myself for whatever I found, hoping it would be Sebastian safe and sound in his home.

I knocked on the door, feeling the cold winds seep into my bones. There was no answer and I could feel my courage begin to ease but I raised my hand again and knocked, and this time it sprang open.

Mr Goddard stood stolidly in the doorway, something between a grimace and a look of annoyance on his face.

"Dalia, what can I do for you?" The fact that he addressed me so casually and wasn't giving off any alarming signs gave me a little hope so I did my best to offer a credible smile.

"I'm looking for Sebastian, is he here?"

He remained impassive, shrugging earnestly as he turned towards the house.

"No. He's gone."

A tremor ran through me at his casual approach to it and I stared at him in disbelief, all signs of friendliness gone from my face.

"Gone? Where?"

He shrugged again. "Wherever he may be, it's not my problem now."

I felt anger begin to bubble up in my gut at the way he spoke so nonchalantly about throwing his son out.

"So you kicked him out." The was no question about the accusation in my voice.

Again he shrugged and I wanted to snap at him to stop but I kept my mouth shut, awaiting his response.

"I did give him the choice. He could stop his nonsense and receive professional medical help or leave. He chose the latter." He said, completely at ease.

I, on the other hand was seething.

"How could you do that to him? He's your son. There's nothing wrong with him!"

He cut me off sharply, his tone raising.

"With all due respect Mrs Fidley this is a private family matter and nothing to do with you. We've decided to cut ties with him and that's our business, he's 18. We're under no obligation to look after him as a legal guardian."

My rage boiled over as I took in his grey suit, without a spot or wrinkle and perfectly polished suit. Nothing about him gave the image of friendliness or kindness, the way he spoke and acted in regards to Sebastian was just inconceivable. This man was his father, yet that concept felt so strange to me. My rage quelled to a duller anger, a spiteful sadness as it dawned on me that this was the only example of a father he ever had.

"Do you even know anything about him?" I spat and he raised an eyebrow, not expecting that.

"Do I know anything about him?" He asked incredulously. "Well of course I do, his favorite color is blue, he likes football and he planned to study bio mechanical engineering after he finished school."

I directed my gaze on him, as he stood in the open doorway still feigning this casual approach to the situation. I felt my frustration fly through the roof and words started to filter through my mind and they tumbled out in a helpless rant, sentences spilled out in an embittered attempt to get rid of all those horrible feelings that had crawled up into my chest and dug a hollowed cave to fester. 

"He hates football and his favorite color is Yellow. He drinks a box of peppermint tea a week but opts for the ginger during the Winter season. He makes really bad jokes but you can always depend on him to be there for you. He only wears black socks and refuses to take them off even when he's sleeping. He loves cats, he wishes he could keep one and planned to in college, he planned to study mechanical engineering yes, he told you that because that's the only thing he thought you'd accept. He likes watching sunrises more than sunsets and wearing sunglasses even on cloudy days. He's the kind of person who would climb up on a roof and then get scared of getting down. He's the kind of person that was terrified of his own parents because they wouldn't love him if they found out he was gay. He's the son you raised to fear you but he still loved you unconditionally because he had the ability to love anyone unconditionally. He's amazing, he's one of the best people I've even known and you kicked him out and made him feel worthless and like there was something wrong with him just because you didn't agree! Well guess what sunshine, the world doesn't revolve around you and I hope to god you realize what you've done and who you've broken."

With that I turned on my heel and walked back to my car. He said nothing.

——

I had Luka and Angie on speaker as I drove around our town. The rain had started to come down harder and it blurred my view. It hit the windscreen, and the rain bounced off before splattering the pavement and disappearing down the street. It was heavy and loud, beating furiously even over the speaker of the car. I strained to her the voices coming through.

"Where would he of gone? There's nowhere for him to go?"

The windscreen wipers went back and forth, hitting one end of the glass before flying over to catch the rain drops that had fallen on the other side.

"I'm going to check with Dean, I'm on my way now. I drove around town but didn't see him and it's starting to get dark."

"I'm coming now, I'll pick up Angie on the way and meet you at Dean's." Luka stated and I could heard the rustling of keys in the background. A second later the line went dead and I was left in silence except for the raindrops that didn't cease, it kept on in an almost calming manner.