The ways we lost him(completed)

Chapter 13

I groaned as my bedroom  door opened, letting light stream into the darkness. My mother stood in the crack of the light, frowning at me.

"Are you feeling any better?"

I let out an agitated huff and pulled a pillow over my eyes to block out the sunlight.

"I have to go out for a while but when I get back, we're taking about this." She said sternly and closed the door.  I knew what she was talking about, of course I did. I missed a few days of school and immediately she jumped to the conclusion that my anxiety had spiked back up. Yes, I'll admit I did have a tough battle with it a while back but it got a lot better after I integrated into the group of friends I have now. She's wrong, I'm completely fine, one of my best friends just died, you'd think she would understand that.

I heard her car pull out of the driveway and I sighed, pushing the bedsheets away. My bare feet touched the wooden floorboards as I pattered down into the hall.

The house felt so empty, my younger brother, Ryan was at school and my father was working at the hospital.

I opened the cupboard, pulling out a pack of rice cakes just as the phone began to ring. I froze, turning around to stare at it in distain. For some reason, I felt panic began to run through me as the familiar ringtone echoed through the house.

Pick it up. Dammit. It's only a goddam phone.

I stuffed the rice cakes back in the press and sat on the floor beside it. I let it ring out until the house was filled with silence. I  could feel my heartbeat going crazy as I sighed, leaning my head against the floorboards.

Not this again, anything but this again. I felt my anger begin to spike up, I couldn't deal with this right now. It's only chemicals anyway, making my mind afraid of things that I shouldn't be afraid of. I had no reason to be. I slammed my hand down onto the floorboards and flinched back at the impact.

The phone rang again. I grabbed it and held it to my ear, my hands shaking.

"Hello?"

"Oh! Dalia, dear. Could you tell your mother to drop down some cat nip later?" My auntie Esme said with an airy laugh. I breathed out a sigh of relief.

"I can come down with it now, I'm at home."

"Oh that would be great!" She said, thanking me before I hung up. She lived just down the street, a couple of houses down.

I had to pass Sebastian's house to get there.

I sighed, pulling on my boots and grabbing  the catnip from the back kitchen. Stop being so damn afraid, I reasoned with myself.

I opened the door, the sunlight streamed down on me, it was warm today. I kept my eyes glued to the pavement as I walked, but they kept peeking out of the corner of my eye. I held my breath as I passed Sebastian's house, it's fine. Nothing was going to happen anyway.

Esme saw me from the window and she grinned, rushing to her door to pull it open.

"You're a dote Dalia, thank you! Would you like to come in for tea?" She asked merrily and I politely declined.

"I should probably get back." I said, waving at her as I began to walk back the footpath. My mind was unclogged now and I was beginning to enjoy the warmth that beat down on me.

"Dalia?" My head whipped up, my eyes wide in surprise.

Mrs Goddard stood in the entryway, her eyes holding a desperate hope as she gave me a sheepish smile.

"Actually I was hoping to speak to you, are you busy?"

I quickly shook my head, no. Scanning the driveway for another car but she quickly beat me to it.

"He's not here, I would like to speak to you alone."

I felt my nerves spike up as I solemnly nodded. She motioned towards me to follow her into the house and I did.

"I'll put on a pot of tea." She said and I didn't react, that meant she wanted to speak to me about something important.

"You were very close friends with my son, yes?"

I wasn't surprised, but I wasn't prepared. Mrs Goddard turned to me, waiting for my answer. I nodded.

"Did you know that he was gay?"

Again, I nodded.

She turned back around, opening the cupboard and pulling out fine red china. I saw little cherry blossoms and streaks of blue running through them. She poured two cups of tea and placed one before me.

"He was afraid to tell me." She stated, her hands wrapped around the cup as she stared down into it.

"He was afraid of your reaction, he realized that you both viewed being gay as a sin due to your beliefs. He didn't want to hurt you, or himself."

She nodded absentmindedly. "I understand that."

An awkward silence fell on the table.

"Sebastian's father, was he ever ... cruel to him?" She asked hesitantly.

My eyes met hers. "I can only speak for what Sebastian has told me. Maybe it's all of it, maybe it's not. He said he cared for both of you, but expected this reaction."

She nodded, looking away.

"Do you know what happened the day that his father found out?"

I didn't ask why she didn't find his out from Mr Goddard. I had a good idea. Instead I nodded.

"He threw him out."

The teacup smashed. I jumped back in shock as I saw the scatters bits all along the floor. Mrs Goddard grimaced, quickly rising to clean the mess.

"Sorry."

I nodded. "It's okay."

She gathered the pieces of broken glass, tossing them into the waste bin.

"I still view him as my son. I'll always view him as my son." She stated, her eyes trained on the tablecloth.

"I was going to ask for your help in holding his funeral." She said somberly.

My eyes flickered across to hers. "You know who valued him, who loved him. I want those people to be there. I want him to be surrounded by the people he loved when he goes." She said and I felt myself choke on air.

"Okay."

I couldn't force myself to say the words I wanted, I didn't know what I wanted to say.

She gave me a grateful smile, nodding her head.