A Sky Full of Blue

Chapter 23: Fire Engine Red is the Color of the Breakdown

"To the woman reading this with a restless soul and an aching heart I want you to know that sometimes you have to break down in order to break through." ~r.h. Sin

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Theo wants to use a page in the Bayside book. He wants to write in it and do his own sketch. He said that it'd make him feel better, but I do not know. I don't want him to see what's in there, not yet.

There are too many personal things that I would not like to share.

I sit by his bedside, head drooping against his good arm. I can feel the rise and fall of his chest as he sleeps, feel the slow beating of his heart. It lulls me sitting there, and I do not want to get up.

Toby sits in a chair, slumped, phone in hand. He scrolls through it without any purpose whatsoever, eyes alight with the screen.

I decide to let Theo sleep a little longer before telling him that I have to go. I have school tomorrow and I need to get some sleep.

"Toby?" He lifts his head up.

"Yeah?" He gives me a soft smile, a marigold smile. It won't be there when I tell him what I'm going to.

"I think that you should date Nita." His face goes red and the phone drops to the floor. He tries to hide it by bending away from me, grabbing at his phone aimlessly.

"Hazel," he sighs, running a hand at the back of his neck. He seems to want to get rid of this conversation, but I don't. I want to prepare him to let go of me. He needs his attention on something else for once.

"I think she'd be good for you. She's quiet, and you're very outgoing." He stares at me, brushing away a few strands of hair. It's gotten longer in the past few months and he hasn't gotten it cut. I can see a little wave to his hair, which our father has.

"I don't know the first thing about her, and, she tried to hurt herself. That's not a good thing Hazel." I try not to yell out. She needs someone like him but he cannot see it!

"You're a good person Toby. She needs a good person, and I think that you're that person." He crosses his arms. That's not usually a good sign.

"Since when are you a matchmaker?" His tone is frigid and suddenly I want to curl into a ball.

"I'm not. I just think that you're wasting your time trying to help me, when you could have someone else to help." He scoffs.

"She can get her own help, Hazel. It's up to her whether she likes me or not. I can't tell her what to do." I stare right back, maintaining eye contact.

"So you like her?" He unfolds his arms, getting close to me. Our faces are so close that I can see the heavy frown on his face.

"Hazel, I may like her, but she's not exactly the type of person to go for me." I scrunch my nose. What does that mean?

"You've never heard the song "Opposites Attract" have you?" He throws his hands into the air, but this time he's smiling.

"You don't quit do you?" His fingers find their way to the back of his neck again. I really have to remind him of that.

"Nope," I say, popping the p.

"Fine." He puts his hands out in front of himself. A surrender.

"If I ask her out will you leave me alone?" I nod my head and he slumps into the chair, defeated.

"Why do I do this?" He groans into his hands and I walk away, feeling like I've done something good.

I stand next to Theo's bed, feeling him shift over. His eyes are bright in the washed out hospital lighting, but they look hurt. Is something wrong?