A Sky Full of Blue

Chapter 36: Sky Blue is the Color of My Nails

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind." ~Dr. Seuss

*Cries a little on the inside* A Sky Full of Blue will end in four more chapters after this one. Don't worry though, I have good, exciting news. I'll just reveal it later. 🙂

*Listen to "One Last Song" by Sam Smith and "All I Think About Is You" by Ansel Elgort.*

The days pass me in flying colors, and I realize that this school year is coming to an abrupt end. I sit in my room and listen to Delilah talk about her new boyfriend, Nelson.

She takes my hand and paints another nail. The smell of polish is strong in the air, and I resist the urge to plug my nose. It's giving me a headache.

"He took me to my favorite restaurant, and then we went to the movies. It was so perfect, Hazel. I've never felt this way about a guy before." I watch the sparkle in her eyes as she looks down to my hand, then at me. There's a slight blush on her cheeks when she talks about Nelson.

I smile at her.

"That's good, right? That you've never had feelings like this before?" She nods her head then motions for me to get closer.

"He's so shy, Hazel. So hesitant with everything. It's cute." Her laughter is soft and thoughtful, and I think that she's reliving her moments with him as we sit here.

I air out my nails, shaking my hands. I attempted to do Delilah's earlier, but I messed up. My hands are always so shaky that I couldn't get the polish on her nails without spilling it on her pale skin.

Her color of choice, of course, is a flaming red.

She starts on her own nails, breaking eye contact with me.

"How are things with you and Theo?" Her dark eyes search mine, and I resist the urge to look down. She's my friend; I can talk to her without feeling bad.

"He took me to an art museum. It was amazing." I can't help but think of the drive back, Theo's face shrouded in darkness, the way he tapped his fingers on the steering wheel while he was listening to music.

He didn't know, but I was listening to his voice instead of the one in the song. His vocals are low and swinging, and he can draw his voice out so nicely. The slow, sad country songs almost brought tears to my eyes.

She claps her hands together, laughing.

"You two are so perfect for each other!" I roll my eyes, resisting the urge to agree with her. Some part of me agrees with it; I just don't want to admit it yet.

Whenever I think I have something good happening to me, it always goes wrong. I want to keep this for as long as I can.

While we sit in silence, I also think about how much time I have left. The days are counting down before Alyssa reaches a consensus with my parents and other doctors. Who knows if I'm going to be carted off, away from all of the things that I have come to love.

I haven't even told all of my friends yet.

That's the purpose of today's invitation. I'm going to gather the courage to tell Delilah about the paper, and its contents.

She is aware of Asperger's, and has researched it, but she doesn't know what it can do to me. She also doesn't know about my combination of depression and anxiety, two things in which I have been diagnosed, but do not understand myself.

I shake my head. I should be talking about regular teenage things instead of the seemingly endless amount of things, bad things, that could happen to me before the summer starts.