A Sky Full of Blue

Chapter 34: Silver is the Color of the New Year

"New year- A new chapter, new verse, or just the same old story? Ultimately we write it. The choice is ours." ~Alex Morritt

*Listen to "Scared of the Dark" by Lil Wayne, Ty Dolla $ign, and XXXTENTACION*

The kitchen is littered with plastic cups and beer bottles from the night before. Ultimately, the boys on the soccer team had their fair share of booze. I can remember them passing it around, watching it slosh onto the carpet. Toby better believe that he is going to be the one cleaning the carpets.

Someone is coming for me soon.

I grab a garbage bag and help my big brother by piling all the cups together, stacking the party colors until I can no longer reach. A ping pong ball falls to the ground.

Silver is the color of the new year.

I sniff, smelling the stale beer in the air. We need Febreze.

I wrap my arms around myself, trying to keep the cold out. I watch Theo from the couch, watching his peaceful slumber. He clutches one of the pillows to his chest, a small smile on his face.

The rest of the soccer team stayed in our basement area on cots and couches. I'm sure most of them were too incapacitated to drive. I pass Theo on my way and pat his leg. He doesn't move much, but he does follow the sound of my footsteps.

I'm not sure if he's asleep or awake.

I fiddle with the end of the sweatshirt. It gives me comfort, but I'm not sure how much. She's coming again today, and she's going to determine how good I'm doing.

I have to tell her that I'm okay. I can't be taken away from all I've ever known. I already have once this year; I'm not about to do it again.

I rub at the scars on my wrists. I feel the tension in the back of my head. I do not like visits like this.

I grab the can of air freshener and make my way back to the kitchen. Toby stands there, bag of chips in his hand.

He's in nothing but his boxers, and the chips make their way down his chest and onto the floor. I groan, then hand him the broom.

"We've got company coming soon. Make yourself decent." He stares down at his bare chest, then looks back at me.

"Who?" He says through a mouthfull of chips.

I bite down on my bottom lip. I didn't tell either of them this for fear that they got frantic. I don't want them to have to take care of that part of my life. They have their own lives to live.

"Alyssa's coming today. To evaluate me." He drops the bag of chips on the counter and walks to me. He takes my arm gently and cranes his neck, stooping to my level.

"Why didn't you tell me? Or Theo?" His eyes search my face, but I look away. I don't want to tell him.

He shakes me a little bit.

"Hazel?" His voice is soft, but it sounds more like a command than a question. I take a deep breath.

"You don't know what it's like Toby. She expects things from me." He raises an eyebrow.

"What types of things?" He suddenly looks so tired, and I wonder if he got any sleep last night after everyone went to sleep. The house looks like it's in better shape than it was when I went to bed.

"My notebook. She checks it for the things I say." He lets go of my arm, grabbing the bag of chips. He continues to eat.

He crosses one leg over the other and rests his back against the counter. One hand is on the bag of chips, the other is stuffing his face.