Remembering You For Eternity

2.36 Inheritance of a Mother's Love

"Do you remember what happened?" YuLan asked Zuo BingTan, who was now meditating to further calm down his energy. Zuo JinHai was by his side doing the same.

For all of them, the danger had passed. Compensation for the inn had also been properly done. A while ago, Cao Lu had directly stuffed some gold ingots into the inn perpetrator's hands. The innkeeper's expression changed from looking like it was the end of the world because of his inn's second floor's demolished state, to him looking like he had won the lottery as he quickly hid the gold ingots into his robe's sleeves. 

With the gold, he could easily purchase lands and build three more new buildings in Ru'An. Cao Lu and YuLan the criminal of his business, had become his goddesses of fortune, so he quickly offered his own house located at a separate courtyard of the inn, for them to recuperate. The four of them sat across each other, the two women also supervised Zuo BingTan and Zuo JinHai in their meditation. It was to ensure there was no further mishap in their recovery.

Zuo BingTan opened his eyes and looked into YuLan's gaze. Her expression as she waited for his answer was soft and concerned, but that caused him to quickly avert his gaze. Silence ensued for a few breaths, and Zuo BingTan hoarsely croaked,

"There is no amount of words in the world to express how sorry I am for how I have behaved."

Cao Lu recalled the earlier events when Zuo BingTan was madly chasing after YuLan and screaming his 'needs' and 'wants',

"BingTan... . Do you really... . Have you really... ." She looked at YuLan, "Have you really been feeling that way towards YuLan?"

YuLan rolled her eyes inwardly. Her DaShijie was definitely not the subtlest person in the world.

Zuo BingTan looked at his sister and YuLan in turn,

"I would be lying if I said I did not have a speck of such thoughts." He smiled at YuLan, now looking completely at peace,

"But YuLan, believe me that I would never ever have forced myself on you. I never had the thought to even express my 'speck' of 'want'. It was just a passing scenario of 'what-if'."

He clenched his fists and frowned, his expression showing self-loathing, "But even now, I can recall the sensation of being free, in that muddled state of mind. All my 'wants', my 'desires' were multiplied thousands folds, and as if I would rather destroy everything if they could not be fulfilled."

"CaoLu-jie. YuLan. That meant I would also destroy you if I could not satisfy those 'wants'. And... that is something I will never ever do."

"It may not make sense. But do you believe me?"

YuLan smiled without doubt, "I believe you, BingTan-shiong."

The man smiled back, "It was like a nightmare, to be honest. I still remember I wanted to wake up from that nightmare though. But it was as if I was restrained by a dark substance, a prison that would not let me reach the light."

"It's the same for me." Zuo JinHai sighed, "All I could think about was how to battle those voices that urged me to kill."

"I... hate Imperial Father. But for some reason, in my nightmare, that hate turn into desire to kill."

"I thought 'Surely, if I could destroy this world, my Imperial Father would also be destroyed? I would destroy the Dynasty he was so fond of, everyone and everything in it.' That... is not me."

Cao Lu let out another sigh and squeezed YuLan's hands, "I am just glad that the heavens are still looking after us siblings. Thank you, YuLan." She paused,