How To Love✓

20.

Amara

I stare at the pale blue walls.

The shapes, lines and swirls.

The hospital room had been so soundless, that the small whispers between patients and doctors could've been heard as loudly as if you stood at the receptionist.

"Amara, it's been a while since our last appointment," Dr. Campbelle says, "but I'm confused. Why is our meeting this early?"

I sat up and looked at the doctor. "Wait how did I get here? Isn't it like a 34 hour drive from California to Michigan?"

"Well your friend Lucien brought you to the hospital on your parents' behalf."

My eyes widened. Lucien really drove a day and a half just to make sure I get to my home state? He must really care about me, more than I thought.

I look down at my hands, trying to think everything over. 'Where is he now?" I mumble quietly.

"He stayed loyally outside sitting against the wall ever since. I assumed he was your boyfriend but he told me otherwise. You've been out for a while and only woke up a few moments ago."

"Could I leave? I feel...good. I mean better than the night I collapsed," I say with a breathy laugh.

"Unfortunately we can't let you leave until we run some tests. Also, your parents and I need to get some answers from you," Dr. Campbelle explains.

I sigh in exasperation and rest my head against the wall behind me.

"I'm not in the right state of mind to process and explain what occurred."

Dr. Campbelle shoots a look between mom and Luke. I furrow my eyebrows at the weird gesture and she forces her eyes on mines again.

"Sweetie, you're going to have to explain yourself if you want me to help you."

I inwardly roll my eyes. "Fine. I went out to a party with some friends that night and we were just talking and getting to know each other when a fight broke out."

"Did the fight involve you?" she asks and I nod hesitantly.

"Mars please explain yourself to the doctor," I heard Luke say lowly and I was frightened to meet his or mom's disappointing eyes.

I sigh again and fiddled my fingers together. "We were playing a game and it got out of hand. Lucien defended me and, I'm not sure why but, the fight that broke up possibly gave me an anxiety attack In some way, resulting in me being in your presence at this moment."

She had that signature analytical expression on her face, where she was trying to decipher my explanation.

"Tell me. Do you feel that because your lungs aren't that 'sucky' as before, you can't be happy with other aspects in your life?" I furrow my eyebrows at her sudden question.

"Are you asking if I'm depressed?"

She shakes her head and smiles. "Just questioning your sanity. Now you're stable, I may let you leave. Though I couldn't comprehend a few things, I guess I could put you on some medication once more."

Dr. Campbelle takes a stand and asks mom and Luke to follow her out the room. I take the moment of silence to close my eyes and drown myself in peace and comfort.

As always, my mind drifts off to Lucien.

The door clicks and I open my eyes to see who was about to walk in. He walked closer to me and the first thing I saw was the big bruise on his left cheek. His hair laced back into a dishevelling mess, his arms were covered in fine specks of sand, his lips twitched into his signature scowl.

His eyes travel to the drips the doctor pricked into my hand then to the IV tube that ran along the bedside.

I didn't dare speak and neither did he, for a moment. I wanted to get up and attack him with a hug, as gracious thanks for sacrificing his time and money and effort to bring me to see my doctor.

"I'm sorry," I squeak.

He runs his hands over his face in frustration and I scoot across the bed to allow him to sit. He surprises me by sitting down and wrapping his arm around my waist.

I melt into his chest, not caring if he wasn't tardy. I expected him to scream at me.

Instead, I am granted with his silence.

"Could you say something? Anything?" I beg.

"Trust me Amara, you don't want me to speak right now," his tone was more vexed than usual.

"Please I want you to. Your silence is slicing my throat right now," I tell him.

"No you don't want me to," he growls.

"I know you're upset with me and you have every right to be. But please Lucien, please answer me. I can't stand the thought of you being upset with me," I whisper honestly.

"Damn it Amara. I told you to stay by the fucking fire and what the hell did you do? You didn't listen. Why couldn't you just stay in your dorm room and watch your fucking god damn sappy romance movies. No, you want to fit in knowing very well that you can't. Gosh I can't even look at you right now," he shakes his head disappointedly and looks away to the door.

I felt my eyes water, the salt burning both retinas. "You don't get to tell me what to do all the time," my voice quivers. I was scared of him at that point.

"That isn't what I was doing. I was trying to keep you away from making bad decisions. Those aren't the kind of people you want to be around Amara. My friends aren't yours," his voice raises.

"If you don't want your friends around me then why are you around me?"

He glares to me, thinking of something to say.

"You know in hell that I can't do that."

"Why not?" I say a little louder than before.

"My feelings are too strong to stay away from you," he says softly.

Before I could've replied, mom and Luke enters with the doctor in the room again, his arm around mom's shoulders.

***

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