[ Requested ]
Part Two of Tired of Being Tired
It seems that things have only gotten worse. She had always been told that her happiness should come first, but apparently not in this industry or even this life time. She'd seen the comments about how she was neglecting the fans, the boys, and their feelings... One of them more than the others. She didn't want to believe that those things were true, but it was starting to seem that way. The boys hadn't taken her seriously just assuming that they'd never confirm it and end up deciding it was best to just not be together. Ever since the news had dropped about her being in a relationship it seemed as though everyone seemed distant. She couldn't tell if it was all in her head or not but she didn't like it. Not one bit. She was starting to feel alone...and that was a feeling she hadn't felt in a long while.
Leaned up against the wall with glassy eyes she stared at herself in the large mirror of the practice room. Eyes falling to the now buzzing phone next to her she hesitated before sliding her finger across the screen to answer the call, "I'm outside.", mumbling out a hopefully audible, "ok.", she quickly ended the call and threw on her jacket. Heading down the elevator and down the last few steps she said her goodbyes to a few of the staff still there at such a late hour before pushing the front doors to the KQ building open. Feeling the cold air brush across her cheeks and creep under under her jacket she immediately pulled it tighter around her in an attempt to block the chilly air out. Looking at her surroundings she couldn't help but let our a giggle upon seeing the person who called her walking out of the small 7 Eleven on the side of the building, "What could you possibly need from 7 Eleven at almost midnight, Woongie?", walking up to him she failed to notice him smile at the nickname before practically shoving the now open bag towards her, "You said you weren't feeling well so I got you some snacks and your favorite!", watching as he excitedly pulled the strawberry banana milk from the bag she gently took it from his hands. Raising an eyebrow at him she placed it back in the bag and then kissed his cheek, "Thank you...you really didn't have to, but thank you.", she couldn't help but smile up at him as he laced their fingers together.
~
The next day went by the same as the others. Feeling ignored and distant, but finally she had enough. It hurt when Seonghwa and Yunho gave her a sympathetic smile when Hongjoong dismissed her usual offer to hang out with him in the studio with just a few words. It hurt when Jongho and Yeosang wouldn't even engage with their usual teasing. It hurt when Mingi and Wooyoung wouldn't have their usual moments of affection with her. It hurt even more when San simply refused to talk to her. He didn't mean to hurt her in any way, but without knowing it she had hurt him. He didn't know what to say so he distanced himself just a little bit and that little bit ended up being way more than he meant to.
Knocking on the eldest boys bedroom door she waited a moment before finally hearing a muffled voice telling her to come in. Walking into his room she froze. She had planned everything out that she wanted to say so that she could get her point across and make sure he understood where she was coming from, but she blanked. Eyes quickly filling with tears she could feel her throat start to tighten making this way harder than it needed to be.
"Just make it stop.", hearing those words leave her with a voice covered in pain Seonghwa pulled her into his arms while attempting to calm her.
He could tell this had been building up, and he desperately wanted to help, but he knew better than to push it with her. She would come to him when she was ready, she would only push him away if he tried to force her to open up about how she was doing with everything currently going on in her life. Soothing her enough for her to speak he allowed her to tell him everything from how she was feeling about the members to the fans and even her relationship. Now it was his turn to talk and she was either going to love what he had to say or hate him for it. They both knew she had a limited amount of options at this point, especially with being an idol, and sometimes there are consequences for their actions. "You can either take responsibility and talk to the boys and the fans or...", he hesitated, "or?", she urged him to continue, "or you talk to Hwanwoong and you know.", she simply nodded her head understanding what he was getting at. They sat in silence for a while allowing her to finally come to a decision on whether she was wanted to talk with those she loved the most first or simply break her own heart. With a heartfelt thank you she hugged him tight and left his room in search of her phone.
Almost passing San in the hallway she cane to a quick halt grabbing his arm before he could make his escape like he had been doing around her for a while now. "Can we talk if not now then later?", with hopeful eyes she searched his own finding nothing but hints of pain and confusion, "There's nothing to talk about, but fine.", letting out a defeated sigh she released his arm, "You may think there's nothing, but as your soulmate I know you don't believe that." The corners of his mouth twitched threatening to break the frown and grace his face with a smile at the mention of the fact that they believed they were soulmates. Letting a smile spread across her face first she clapped her hands in excitement knowing she had won this round and they would eventually have to talk. Continuing down the hall she pushed open her door and kicked it shut behind her. Grabbing her phone she placed it on the desk and sat down so she would be in view of the camera.
Her mind was racing. This wasn't about interaction, this was about letting them know she was sorry for making them feel like she was neglecting her group and her fans. This was about letting them know that Hwanwoong made her genuinely happy and she never meant to hurt anyone while trying to find happiness. She was scared. Scared of what they would have to say, scared of what the boys would think, and scared of the consequences that Seonghwa had mentioned before. But she didn't have time to be scared because she needed to be brave if she wanted to get through what seemed like just a rough patch in her life.
Closing her eyes she attempted to calm her already racing heart and wandering mind, and with a few deep breaths by the time she reopened them she knew it was now or never. Finger hovering over the button to start the VLive for a moment she gave herself one last boost of confidence, "You can do this.", pressing down on the screen she watched as the red button flashed signaling she was live. She zoned out. What if they hated her? What if the hate got worse? The threats got worse? Hell, they already wanted her to leave... She hadn't been live even a minute yet and she was already deciding this wasn't a good idea for anybody, but there was no going back now. Blinking herself back to reality she leaned forward a bit.
"Hello? ATINY?"
( Oops! My heart went! FUCK! I always love giving my Daisies a little angst for no reason. ALSO I made a BTS book because I have no self control so go check it out. 💛 )
