Jason & Darius |Craving Yours| ✔

1.Death & Comfort

Much like Atlas, you carry the whole world on your own but instead of on your shoulders it's all on your mind-Atlas' Mind Collection

Darius Dixon

I stood in the doorway staring at Jason. His shoulders drooped and his eyes were bloodshot. Eye bags were not the only sign of weariness on his body. He didn't speak but his mouth was pulled into a frown. His eyes looked pleading and the sparkle that I identified with his eye colour was nowhere to be seen.

I let my eyes trail his once familiar but distant body. A body that was almost identical to the one I used to know. A body I once worshipped like it was the only thing I knew. A body I needed for more than just warmth and companionship. A body I truly believed was made for me. A body I knew I would never see again.

My eyes took in everything from the large loose-fitting denim jacket to the red stain just below his neckline and the slight tremor in his hands as he gripped the casserole in his hands just a little tighter. He still hadn't said anything. Probably watching me the same way I was watching him. Studying me gathering intel just like I was.

"Can I crash on your couch tonight?" He finally asked after what seemed to be an eternity.

I blinked several times just to pull myself out of the weird stupor I was in.

"Yeah, of course, come in," I answered, leading him inside the house.

I glanced at his hand wondering if I should ask about the casserole but he beat me to it.

"Here, everyone keeps bringing us food." He said pushing the casserole angrily into my hands. Almost as if the casserole had personally offended him by existing.

"Yeah, I heard people do that," I said trying to figure out what to say.

I placed the casserole on the kitchen counter before following Jason into the living room. He stood there staring at a picture I was purposefully trying to forget about.

"He always loved nature." Jason began.

"I went on so many camping trips because of him guilt-tripping me into them." Jason continued before he placed the picture back on top of the fireplace facing up.

It was a picture of Mason and I drenched in mud. Most of our bodies and faces were covered in mud. It was hard to notice our clothes. The only thing you could see were our smiling faces and white of our teeth. The picture was ridiculous. I had argued with Mason about displaying it in a place everyone would notice. But he had said 'we can't always show the pictures of us put together. We need people to know we have downfalls too and joyful smiles'.

"Yeah, he did," I said, finally answering Jason who was making himself comfortable on the couch.

I sat down next to him and silently waited. Jason did not say anything or start a conversation. In fact, he seemed content to just sit silently.

"You must miss him more than me?" I said finally breaking the silence.

"I wouldn't say that but...probably. I did spend my whole life with him. I always wanted to be an only child. But I never wanted him to die. I just wanted to be born without a twin. Now that he is gone... I miss him. I feel like a part of me is gone. And maybe it is. " He said before hitting his head against the couch backrest and closing his eyes.

I looked at him and all the ways he was Mason. The same prominent Adam's apple. The same dark hair and sharp Jawline. The same pinch of worry just between his eyebrows. The only thing that actually made them different was their hopes, goals and dreams.

Most fights Mason had with Jason were always about not wanting the same thing. As much as they wanted to be their own person they always wanted the other to do their thing as well. Which was funny and hilarious because usually, they would always end up at the same place without even trying.

"I am sorry," I said realising I had not replied and I didn't know what to say.

"I miss him. I miss him and it's only been a week. How are you handling it?" He asked, sounding more concerned about me than himself.

Losing Mason was the worst thing to ever happen to me. I had just recently proposed to him and we were yet to tell people. Mason and I were ready to commit our lives to each other. We were ready to settle down and start a family. But now it was all gone. And all that was left was dreams that would never be and poems that spoke of our best days. I felt like most of my heart was missing and it was never coming back. What made it worse was he was never supposed to be on the road. The car that had run him over had also yet to be found. He was only out in the dead of the night because I had a flat and instead of calling a tow truck I had called Mason to bring me a spare tyre.

"One day at a time," I responded, resting my head on the backrest of the couch just like Jason had done.

"I am just so tired you know. But I can't sleep in our apartment. Our parents are there and people keep dropping by with food. And I keep forgetting he is not there until I enter his room. It's all... too much." Jason said as he closed his eyes and trailed off.

I watched him sleep for a few minutes noticing the way his breathing calmed and his nose twitched here and there. Another trait he shared with Mason. I managed to stand up and gently make him comfortable on the couch before going to retrieve a blanket. The large weighted one that Mason always loved.

I placed the large blanket on Jason and watched as he clutched to it the same way his twin brother used to. My heart clenched as I remembered Mason's excited face the day I bought the blanket.