Craving Yours-A taboo love built on an unhealthy foundation.
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It's not forbidden to want your brother's boyfriend, ok maybe it's a taboo but it's not forbidden. But its not a Taboo to want your twin brother's boyfriend, ok s...
The moment I got into my room I slumped by the door.
What had I done? I needed him. What was I thinking? I stood up and paced around my bedroom. Everything was in place but it felt empty now almost like I didn't belong here. What was I doing back in my bedroom? I belonged on Darius' couch. In his house. Cooking him dinner and watching horrible movies on Hulu. This was not how it was supposed to go. We were supposed to end up together. We were supposed to be my happily we after. Darius was supposed to see me as his salvation his love the one he has been waiting for. The one he should have picked from the beginning. Why was I here? Why was I not at his house?
I paced back and forth again pulling my hair in weird directions before sitting down and crossing my legs in front of me. I could do this. I just had to breathe and really think things through. Darius was no one. He was just one guy in a world of so many other guys. Plenty of fish right. That's what Mason would have told me. No Mason would have told me to leave his boyfriend alone. Another reason to forget him. Yeah, I could do this.
This is okay. This is alright. I am fine. Darius obviously cares about me. A part of Darius obviously cares about. A part of Darius obviously sees me as more than just his brother-in-law. Darius sees me. The real me. The me that I am, not the me that I can be. Darius is probably worried about me. He probably really does love me. He at least knows a fact about me. Does he know a true fact about me?
I shot up immediately remembering how everything he thought was my favourite was actually Mason's favourite. Darius knows nothing about me. Darius doesn't even know who I am. I suddenly couldn't breathe as I thought about the idea of losing Darius. I stumbled out of my room in a haste. Maybe I could go back and explain to him who I was maybe I could just...
"Jason."
I could always just...
"Whoa, steady son. Sit down. "
"Not now dad," I said staggering to the door in a haze.
"Come on. I am sure whatever it is you are rushing to can wait." I heard my Dad's voice say over my thoughts.
I let him guide me to the couch in the living room so I could sit down as he said. But sitting down didn't help. My thoughts were still running amock and my leg was bouncing in agitation.
"Honey. You better bring a cup of greet tea...bring the whole teapot." My dad said shouting towards the kitchen.
"You look so exhausted." He said leaning back into his chair.
'That's what happens when you act like someone else for too long.' My thoughts supplied unhelpfully.
My mum placed a snow-themed red white and blue Santa shaped mug in my hand. The thing was horrible but my mum loved it. It read Feliz Navidad on it and my mum had given Mason and I a matching pair. Because even at nineteen getting identical gifts was my mother's secret wish for us. We would have gone to the grave in matching suits if my mother had her way.
"What happened sweety?" My mum asked looking at me like I was about to break.
"Darius and Mason were engaged." I blurted from nowhere.
My mum was surprised but my dad just grunted. And got this weird faraway look like he was thinking about Mason. My mum placed her hand under my mug and urged me to drink the tea by lifting it up slightly before letting go.
"Oh, honey." My mum said after a long pause.
I delayed by drinking my tea slowly and making sure I kept my eys on my father's unsurprised face.
"What mum?"
"You didn't listen to your father and I, we told you to stay away from that boy. He is not your Jason." She said calmly but chastising.
"But mum..." I trailed off thinking about how I was going to end that sentence. But mum Mason is dead?
"No sweety. Live that boy alone he is not yours and you know it." She said urging me to finish the tea.
I looked at my dad waiting for him to respond interject? Anything. He sat looked at me then with a sad smile he finally spoke.
"He asked me for permission to marry Mason last year In May a few days after you boys had turned nineteen."
My dad reminded me, breaking my heart all over again and affirming that Darius really did belong to Mason, not me.
"Aww, sweety. " My mum said cupping my cheek with a soft look on her face."Your birthday is next week do you want us to plan something. Twenty is a milestone to be celebrated."
"No mum I just lost my twin brother last month. I can't celebrate my birthday without him." I said placing the now empty mug on the table and taking my phone out to invite Odette over. " Tell Odette I will be in my room when she arrives I said leaving them in the leaving room and heading to my room."
The last thing I head before going upstairs was my mother whispering to my father that she had lost a son too.
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