To Love or Not To Love

Chapter 55

Arnav noticed that since the time Anjali had landed in Milan, she'd been strangely aloof. She was talking less, walking out mid-conversation and generally keeping to herself. Arnav's concern led him to Shyam, who assured him it was all part of being pregnant. He assured Arnav this was way better since during Anya's time Anjali was always angry and irritated.

Arnav thanked Shyam and was about to make his way out when Shyam spoke. "I heard about Anjali's ultimatum." He was merely trying to finagle information. 

When Arnav didn't respond, he continued: "You have a little less than two months I imagine to find your bride." He waited for the information to sink in. When Arnav didn't respond to this too, he tried one more. 

"By the way, Anjali was on the phone with Sheetal yesterday. You should have a pretty surprise in the next day or two."

Arnav looked closely at his brother-in-law. He had a lot of respect for Shyam. Shyam was the poster boy for an ideal husband - educated, successful, caring and understanding. Someone who genuinely loved and respected his sister. But at this present moment, all Arnav wanted to do was punch him in his gut. "Don't look at me that," said Shyam, reading Arnav's thoughts accurately. "I had nothing to do with it."

Gentling his tone, he continued: "But you can tell me if you have any apprehensions. I'll try my best to understand and even explain to Anjali."

Arnav cleared his throat and then cleared it some more. He was not good at emotional conversations. He always found it extremely difficult to have one.

"You don't love Sheetal, is that it?"

"Not really," said Arnav. "I mean, yes, I don't love Sheetal, but more than that I don't particularly love the idea of marriage." He paused and Shyam patiently waited for Arnav to continue. He looked at Shyam and assessed the man. He'd been married to his sister for six years. He'd helped her heal. He was kind and caring and she had bloomed under his love. He didn't know how much Shyam knew about their lives, but if there was someone who could help Arnav right now, it was Shyam. He cleared his throat and tried to express his fear.

"Growing up, I favored my mother more," he began, halting, choosing his words carefully. He had never shared any of this with anyone before. "It wasn't only because I spent more time with her.

"I was 12 when I accidentally walked into their room when Baba and Amma were having an argument. Baba wanted to discontinue Di's education and Amma wanted Di to study further. Baba disagreed and when Amma continued to demand it, he got up and slapped her. The force of the slap scared me, and so I hid behind their room door but didn't leave. I heard what Amma said to him, that he always used brute force to get what he wanted, that he enjoyed breaking others and that he didn't care how many lives he ruined. And standing as tall as she could, she told him that she would not let him ruin his daughter's life. He had been unhappy that Anjali was a daughter, but she would not let Anjali bear the burden for his unhappiness. Then she picked up the knife that lay in the fruit basket in their room, held it to her wrist and asked him to promise that Anjali would go to college. When he didn't relent she threatened to slit her wrists and commit suicide, to make things very difficult for him in the business world.

"I remember the look Baba gave her. He relented but not without a threat. "This is the first and last time you'll use blackmail to get what you want," he told Amma. "Next time you do this, I'll personally ensure your dead body is not discovered. Then I'll tell everyone you ran away with your lover."

"He left her to weep and walked out. He didn't come back for the next two days. The night after he did, Amma didn't come down for breakfast."

Arnav stopped, and curiously looked at Shyam but all he saw in Shyam's eyes was compassion and understanding. Gaining strength from it, he continued: "After I started my business, I realized as much as I disliked my father for the way he treated my mother, I was exactly like him. I was rude, arrogant, condescending and enjoyed breaking other people. I couldn't change myself because unfortunately, that's what kept me going. AR wasn't built without shedding some blood." He paused to draw some much-needed air. The weather outside was cold, but Arnav was beginning to feel extremely warm. "I am who I am," he said with a sense of finality, "but I don't want my wife or children to fear and despise me."