The Perfect Machine: Kingdom Of Glass (GxG

16. I Am Scared of You

I open my eyes in a rush as I feel myself in movement. A pair of black eyes stare at me makes my heart speed up, and I try to push myself out of Harlow's arms.

"It's okay, everything is okay," She whispers to me as she lay me down onto the bed, but her words at the moment don't mean a thing. I move to the other side of the bed to keep a distance.

"I'm sorry," She breathes as she sits down on the edge of the bed.

"I don't recall what happened," She says and presses her lips together with an apologetic look on her face. Her black eyes are full of sadness and confusion.

"You went mental, Harlow," I say as I reach for the pillow and hold it in front of my belly as if it could protect me.

"Did I hurt you?" She asks, not even able to look at me. Her gaze is frozen as her face screams of shame.

"No, I'm okay, just," I take a deep breath.

"I am scared of you," I admit and I swallow hard as if I confessed to a crime. She gets up on her feet and steps over to the door.

"I understand. I would have been as well," She nods mostly to herself as she seems quite thoughtful.

"What is wrong, Harlow?" I ask, concerned; she looks down at her hidden hand for a while. Then she takes off her hoodie to expose the blackness that I have witnessed a few times now. I get out of bed; my mouth dropped wide open as I reach for her hand.

Her veins that should be blue are black, and it goes all the way up to her elbow, where it fades off. It looks like as if someone has injected her veins with ink.

"Is this not normal?" I question her, and she stares at me for a moment.

"I need a certain pill to be able to contain it," She says while I trace the blackness. The veins pop out clearly from her skin, but I still can feel the warmth and softness underneath my fingertips.

"Does it hurt?" I wonder and the concern builds up as I look into the depths of her eyes. It's like an endless sea of darkness. A tiny voice, a warning, tells me to run away. Yet a wave keeps pulling me to her.

"Sometimes," Harlow answers. She has this intense way of looking at me as if she is searching for something, but I don't know what it is.

"What is it?" I ask, not understanding what it is or does to her.

"If I don't get the pill I need, I will lose myself slowly. I won't be present, I won't be able to control myself from hurting people I shouldn't, and eventually," She has more words to say but aren't able to get them out.

"Then what?" I ask, and she clenches her jaw.

"Eventually, it will go into my heart and kill me," She says and bit her lower lip to avoid my gaze. My eyes widen with shock as I could feel my heart drop.

"We need to get you that pill then," I say in a rush.

"It's not that easy, River," She sighs.

"Why not?"

"It's complicated," She answers as she sits back down on the bed.

"Well, where can we get one then?" I wonder as I sit down next to her.

"Maybe my friend in Reading will have some, but I don't know," She sighs.

"Okay, then we go there, and if not, we keep on looking," I smile reassuringly as I lay my hand on her thigh. She looks down at my hand, and it makes me take it away in a hurry.

"You are not going to die, Harlow," I promise her, but a sad look comes over her face.

"I'm not scared of dying, River. I am scared of hurting people and hurting you," She tells me as she narrows her eyes. I blush at how she is thinking about me.

"You are not going to hurt me," I tell her with a slight smile.

"I almost did," She watches me, concerned.

"But you didn't," I say, yet my words mean nothing to her at the moment.

"I can't protect you from me, River. If something happens, just run, okay?" She tells me and takes hold of my hand into hers.

"Okay," I nod in agreement.

"If something were to happen to you, I wouldn't forgive myself," She says while staring at me intensely, her black eyes shimmering by the light in the room.

"Let's just concentrate on finding your friend for now," I smile as I'm not able to look away from her beautiful eyes. They draw me into her as if I were pulled through space.

"Okay," She smiles back at me, which eased my heart.

"Get some sleep, and we leave tomorrow," Harlow gets up from her seat and steps to the door. Then she stares at me for a long time as if there is something on her mind, but then she leaves the bedroom and closes the door silently behind herself.

I sigh out loud as I fall onto the bed to gaze out into the air. Just now, I realize that I am lying on top of Harlow's hoddie. I turn around in the sheets and grab the shirt to find out if it smells like her, and it does. Surprisingly, this comforts me more than I expected.

When Harlow hugged me, her scent was soothing, calming, and at that moment, I felt more protected than I have ever been. Her strong arms that held me tightly just released the pressure of fear, anxiety and worry.

Harlow is a complicated woman. She can be so caring, making me feel safe, but at the same time feel so frightened. As much as I like Harlow, she is too unpredictable. It's confusing my mind. She seems to be so confident with her abilities and not to mention her body. However, I can see a few insecurities, especially when it comes to her eyes. I don't understand why because they are incredible. Beautiful. There is so much to see in them as she expresses most of her feelings through her eyes. She might be a very closed-off person, but her eyes expose what she feels at times.