The Perfect Machine: Kingdom Of Glass (GxG

29. You have pain, sorrow, care and even love

Harry and Arthur are playing chess this late evening. I decided to join them to have some company, but it's nice to watch them play. A small smile appears on my face, remembering the small sessions of game River and I had. Honestly, I did play bad sometimes, not to make her feel bad. She is such an innocent soul. I felt like I couldn't win all the time, but she always saw through that.

It was also a thing my father and I shared. We played a lot when we had time. Mostly we trained, but not always. When he passed, I lost the feeling for it. Mary seems proud of her son as she is grinning from ear to ear, but in the end, Arthur wins.

"Time for bed, Harry," She tells him. Harry huffs but listens to his mother as they both leave the room.

"Do you wish to play?" Arthur asks, but I shake my head.

"I can tell that you want to," He smiles, and I roll my eyes as I step over to the couch where Harry was sitting. Arthur places the prices on the board, asking me which colour I want. Usually, I go for black, but this time I choose white. Maybe I just wanted a change, or perhaps it was something else that made me do it.

"So, where do you come from?" He asks me, trying to avoid the awkward silence between us.

"London," I answer, and he raises his head quickly.

"Really?" He says, surprised, which reminded me of River's same reaction.

"You are from a wealthy family then?" Arthur wonders and I nod.

"Why did you choose this then?" He indicated with his hand at me.

"I was already in the military and saw a window for something far greater," I say, moving a pawn.

"Yes, Noah thought it would be the next level as well, as if it was a promotion for him," He shrugs in sadness.

"I'm sorry," I tell him, staring directly into his eyes, showing that I mean it.

"It's interesting how your eyes are showing so much compared to what he did," His words make me peer down at the board in uneasiness.

"I don't mean it in a bad way; not at all. Noah was basically frozen on the inside, but you," I look at him now.

"You have pain, sorrow, care and even love," I feel my cheeks turn warm, and I avoid eye contact again. It's uncomfortable to talk about feelings such as love. I was trained not to feel all of those things.

"It's not something to be ashamed of, Harlow," He says, moving his horse on the board.

"I know all about the military trying to take those away, but love is what motivates a person the most," Arthur is a fascinating and wise man to listen to. It's strange that I was told the opposite all my life, and now I am told it's okay to feel.

"I think love is a bit of a strong of a word," I say, clearing my throat as I move my tower a few steps forward. I am not a hundred percent sure what we are talking about now, but I believe he means my feelings for certain someone.

"Why?" He asks.

"Maybe because love can also provide a great deal of pain," I say lightly, thinking of all the wrongs I have done to River that I have caused her pain and now almost her death. It's a burden that lays heavy on my shoulders.

"Yes, it does, and it will, but sometimes feeling pain is better than feeling nothing at all," His words cause me to meet his brown eyes, leaving me in deep thoughts.

"Harlow?" I hear a distant weak voice calling out my name.

"She is awake," I say, rushing out of the couch and up the stairs. River's eyes are nearly open as she seems confused. Not long after, Arthur steps past me to check on River, asking a lot of questions if she is in pain and where.

I lost track of everything they were talking about. The warmth feeling in my chest just seeing her looking at me turned everything in me upside down. I narrow my eyes and leave the room, noticing that this is not right.

"Harlow?" I hear her calling out my name again as I get down the stairs and outside on the porch. I lean on the railing as I try to catch my breath. Blameworthy tears get away from my eyes as I transform my hand into first. Outrage blasting into me like flares makes me hit down onto the railing quickly. I hear the wood break underneath my force.

"Harlow!" Mary shouts behind me, and I turn to her. Before I know it, she has wrapped her arms around my back for a hug. At first, I wanted out of it, but the comfort feels nice at the moment. I hide my face down on her shoulder. Tears keep coming out of my eyes as I try to catch my breath.

"It's alright," She murmurs.

"Just let it all out," Mary says.

"Have you ever wanted something so badly, but you can't?" I cry as pain; the far greatest pain I have ever felt is all built up in my chest.

"It's going to be okay, Harlow," Mary's soothing voice makes me start to calm down. I have never been broken down before. No bullet has killed me, and no knife wound has left me bleeding to death. But this one woman has made a crack that my own body can't even mend.