The Perfect Machine: Kingdom Of Glass (GxG

56. I can't do this on my own

It's been a couple of days since Harlow told me that she loves me and it still makes my belly flutter with butterflies. How is it possible to be so happy but still wounded at the same time? There are so many conflicting thoughts around my mind and they won't settle. They are like waves that crash right over me every time I find my ground.

"River, are you all right?" Lara asks as we wait in line for breakfast.

"Yeah, why?" I wonder.

"Your hands are trembling," She says and I glance down at my tray that shakes in my grasp.

"Oh," I say, wanting to avert it, but I can't. We get the food and I run over to a free table and I set my tray down. I take a deep breath as I shut my eyes and it's not long before the muscles in my body settle down.

"All good. I haven't been sleeping well, that's all," I admit to Lara, whose worried look makes me uncomfortable.

"I'm going to go to Harlow," I say, leaving my breakfast and pass through a ton of hallways until I make my way to the lab. I bang on the door and with a grin, Arthur lets me in. I wave to Landon as he smiles at me.

I approach the entrance to see that Harlow is making her bed. She turns to face me and all of her lights up. I am about to grab the handle when she drops to the ground.

"Harlow!" I shout and rush down to her.

"Harlow!" I shake her a bit but don't get any response. I bend over to see if she's breathing, but she's not.

"Arthur!" I call for him and put my head on Harlow's chest. I sense the hammering of my own heart in my ears when I can't hear hers. A second later, in a rush, Arthur comes through the door.

"She has no pulse," I scream in fear as Landon comes to the room, both of their faces pale like a sheet of paper. They both want to get her up and transfer her to the examination table. They set her down gently and Arthur begins CPR.

"I need you to breathe air into her lungs," He tells me. I cover her nose and touch her lips with mine to breathe into her mouth twice, but nothing. Arthur continues to put pressure on her chest. I grip her shirt to have something to hang onto as my knees begin to give in. I take a quick breath as if I were running a marathon.

"Breath," He says and I blow oxygen back into her lungs, but she doesn't wake up.

"Don't do this to me," I sob as I cup her cheek and look at her empty face. Her eyes are closed and her lips are shut as if she is only sleeping. Everything in me wishes that is all.

"It doesn't work, Landon!" Arthur yells in frustration. Landon rushes around the counter, looking for something as we struggle to get her heartbeat back.

"Move!" Landon shouts as he comes towards us with a large needle in his hand.

"This isn't ready!" Arthur warns.

"It's either her death or giving her a twenty-percent chance to survive," he tells us as he stares at all of us, hoping for a response.

"Do it," I say unsurely. I don't know if this is the right or the wrong choice. Harlow has put her life into my hands. It's a responsibility I have never imagine myself ever to be in. Tears are streaming down my cheeks. I dry them out as I watch Landon insert the needle in one of the veins on her left arm. We look at each other, not knowing what to think or feel at this point. It's nothing but chaos as I can't control my emotions. Thoughts are devouring my senses. Harlow is not gone. She can't be. I need her to be here.

Arthur stares at the watch on his arm as we wait. I grab Harlow's hand and hold it close as I bring it to my face. I just need the comfort of her. The only person's consolation I want is hers. Yet, she can't provide it. Not the way I crave and need.

"Here," Landon gives me a chair. I sit on it and rest my head on her shoulder as I look at her face waiting for her to wake up.

"River," Arthur starts sadly. The tone in his voice says it all.

"Please don't," I say as I don't want to hear a word. I lay my ear on her chest, shutting my eyes as I continue to listen in silence. Who would have known that quietness was so excruciating? The pressure on the back of my throat makes it hard to breathe.

"We need to do something, anything!" I beg both of them as I feel the rage swirl around me. They all look at me, implying that nothing can be done. I hit my fist down to the bed next to Harlow in frustration as it flows through my body. Landon and Arthur backed away. I take a deep breath and calm myself down.

"I can't do this on my own," I whisper as tears fall on her pale and black skin. I notice a soft hand on my shoulder and I stare up at Arthur, who is watching me with pity.

"We're going to give you a moment," He says and I nod. I hear the door close as they leave Harlow and me behind. I look around the room, feeling like someone just ripped the heart out of my chest. For too many years, I've been searching for a stable ground to set my feet on. As soon as I find my foundation, it's all taken away from me.

"I'm not ready, Harlow," I say and clear my throat as I struggle to suppress my suffering. How do people go through this? Most of all, accept it?

"Give me a lifetime, and I wouldn't be ready," I say as I clutch onto her hand to trace the black lines on her skin. Touching her gives me a form of safety.

"If only I could make that beautiful heart of yours beat."