Experiment 21

33: Nightmares

Log Date 1571: He.. he's gone. I saw him. He's gone.

[Fan's POV]
It was nighttime. At least.. I could assume it's nighttime. I strained my eye to look up at the ceiling, still seeing nothing but the grey padding above me. Lightbulb had given up and went to sleep. She seemed more satisfied lately. She was sleeping. I.. couldn't. I just wasn't tired anymore. And as amazing as she is.. I don't know who she is anymore. She's there, and then she's not, and then she's like this, and then this completely other thing that isn't anything like her and then

Paintbrush dies.
She was getting better, and then Paintbrush died.
I don't know what would've been worse. No ones like themselves anymore, nothing is the way it's supposed to be, even for here. I got used to it and then it just wasn't that way anymore. Anytime something is normal, someone dies. That's the one shred of coincidence I can cling to and I don't want it. I'm not normal anymore. I think I know me, and then I hear things. I think I'm over it, and then I'm not. It doesn't make any sense. It needs to make sense.

That somewhat familiar feeling of dread and nausea fills me, and I push myself off my back. I need to stop thinking and can't. I don't know how they live like this. I don't know how she lives like this. I need to know and I can't. I pick up my phone and desperately click it's power button. Still nothing. I got impatient and recharged it too early, and fried it. I needed that. It had the way out of here. It had what I had learned. But now I can't have that either. We don't deserve this. I mean, maybe they don't and I do? Do I? They probably know me better than me. She has a reason for this. I did something. Surely I did. Surely I-

Door. The door. And the soft smell of smoke.

I hesitantly creeped off my knees and onto my feet, shakily tiptoeing towards the door of the entrance. The soft squelching of my feet against the floor and my breathing sounded as loud as a jet engine. I sucked in my breath and held it as I rose my hand to the knob, looking back at Lightbulb. Her expression was empty. Almost like she didn't dream. But I know she does. She has to. You need to dream to be creative. And she's so creative. So proud of herself. She deserves to be. I know out of everything, she will always have her pride. That I can rely on, even though I don't think I will ever need to.

The cold metal of the door handle felt bone chilling. That feeling of dread creeping across my arms rose to my sides as I began to shake. It's not going to work. It's not going to work. We're going to burn alive and we're all going to die. Secluded and alone. We'll all suffocate. The pressure only made the feeling of suffocation worse. And then it turned.

The knob turned.

My breath left my body as I felt that handle turn. I felt tears burn at my eye, and cause the other socket to ache with the sewn emptiness. The feeling of soul crushing dread felt so.. so heavy. But that little bit of adrenaline was addictive. She wouldn't just leave the door unlocked. It's a trap. She's watching us right now anyways.

That thought felt like a slap to the face. I almost threw up as I turned around to look at the viewing window, feeling everything about to give out from under me as I saw a glint. But the window was empty. The table was empty. Even when I tilted myself to look at other angles, I didn't see her. She.. wasn't there. She wasn't there. My gaze then violently flicked over to the door. She could be outside it right now. Waiting. Expecting. If I open this door, she'll be there. She'll punish me. I don't want that. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't.

Gripping on the door handle made my fingers burn. Doubling over and squeezing my eyes shut was even worse. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't lose. The pent up feeling of needing to scream felt like it was clawing at my throat. Unbearable. But all that shaking and gripping turned that handle. And whether I was trying to or not.. it opened. I froze, not daring to move as the door clicked open. Dead silence. I carefully leaned into the crack of the door. Dead silence. I set one foot out. Dead silence. I winced, carefully opening my eye.